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My story

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Guest

My story

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So I thought I’d share my story with yall. So I’m a young man in my first year of uni. I spent most of my school and 6th form years with debilitating mental health issues. I was badly depressed and anxious, I couldn’t function, I had really poor hygiene, I couldn’t see any reason for living yanno. Well needless to say its not surprising no one wanted to be in a relationship with me and I basically got no attention from girls whatsoever. I was a complete wreck. So last year I finally started to deal with my mental health issues, it was difficult but things did kinda start to get better. And then boom out of nowhere a global pandemic hit. Just as I was starting to get my shit together. So I’ve always been desperate to be in a relationship. I wish I could be chill but it just hurts so bad the longing and I suppose I just feel inadequate, like I’ll never find someone. Well I’ve been trying out dating apps and needless to say the pandemic has made that 10x harder. But yeh, from my uni course there was this one girl who had issues with anxiety and one day I decided to be brave and reach out to support her when I new she was struggling. I mean I always found her really attractive but when we started talking I started to develop a proper crush on her. So we didn’t really chat after that incident apart from in the uni group chat. But she Snapchated me about a month later. She basically told me about how she was struggling with a boy who she was kinda seeing on and off who was blanking her. By all accounts from what she told me later he was an asshole. At the time I tried to be supportive because I think she really cared about him but when I thought of then together it just made me sick. But I tried to give her good advice and be a good friend. So I shared some of my favourite book with her and she shared some stuff with me and it was really nice but also kinda of overwhelming. Then the next day she announced in the uni group chat she had a new boyfriend. And by all accounts this new bloke seems really good for her and supportive. And I want to be happy for her. But every time I see them together I just feel so upset. So after that I didn’t message her for a while because I knew she was happy and I didn’t want to spoil things for her even though I felt terrible. But I did reveal something deeply personal in the group chat and she was the first person to reply. And she said the sweetest most supportive things and I just felt so conflicted. And then after another month had passed she dm me again. Just to say she was a bit anxious and we chatted about stuff for a bit and again we had some really good chats. And I was so pleased when she said kind things but then every second she didn’t text I just felt worse and when the texting come to a natural conclusion again I just felt at rock bottom. The thing is, because of the pandemic I’ve never even met this girl. We haven’t even chatted that much and I still feel the pain of her being with her boyfriend over a month afterwards. And feel it so intensely, I mean my body has been aching for months and I’ve been getting stomachaches, headaches, I can’t concentrate on my uni work which is making my anxiety worse. She was the first girl who ever gave me the time of day and I suppose I just latched onto that. And being stuck inside all day, not meeting other people is just giving me too much time to hyper-fixate on her. But I still feel stupid, that allowed myself to fall for someone I don’t even know that well and I don’t feel like I have a right to be this hurt yanno because I’ve not even know her that long. The thing is, I still desperately want her as friend because she is such a beautiful person but it’s just so hard to just see her as a friend, like she sees me. I haven’t let her know how I feel, I think that would be selfish, she deserves to be happy and her boyfriend makes her happy and I don’t want to complicate things. As well even if didnt have a boyfriend I just don’t think I’d make a good boyfriend anyway. I’m painfully shy, I’m needy, and I can take my anxiety out on people. I not in a good place to be in a relationship if I’m honest and I don’t know if I ever will be. But, this is just taking a bit toll on my mental health and I just don’t know how to deal with these emotions. I don’t know if this is what limerence is but it feels like it tbh. So yeah I dunno if anyone will read this but yeah if you have any words of wisdom please share them with me!
Random

Re: My story

Post by Random »

First of all I would say you are still young so do not out too much pressure on yourself. I never had a relationship during my uni years. Didn't get a proper relationship until much later in my life even though I wanted one. I just wasn't getting out and meeting people enough and in the rare times a girl showed some interest in me I freaked out (and then nothing happened).

Given the pandemic restrictions there isn't much meeting with people. I would say spend the time to work on yourself even more. Both physical fitness and your brain. Get that uni work done and get ahead with building your knowledge in whatever interests you.

Once the pandemic is over - and it will end at some point - just find things to do where you meet new people. Don't meet girls for the purpose of wanting to date them. Just with the intention of finding friends - boys and girls - that have similar interests and who you feel comfortable with.

I was also painfully shy and get really needy when I like someone. Work on those areas of your personality bit by bit. Start hanging out small groups of people when allowed. Be interested in them as people. What do they like? Where did they grow up? What are their hopes and dreams for their future? What stupid things have they done? Try to open yourself up to others a bit at a time.

You are young and only in your first year of uni. No one should be quite sure of themselves at that age and stage of life. For most it is probably the first time they left home. I would get that 9 / 10 of all the people in your uni year are also feeling not that confident inside - even the cool ones that appear to have it all under control. We all have insecurities.

I envy your youth and wish you an enjoyable journey of discovery for all things out there in this world.

Everything is temporary; Even the things that appear permanent. Time is your most precious asset. Do not waste it. You will never get it back.

Wish you a good journey young man.
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