Love and Limerence

For some, limerence isn't about suffering. For others, they do not see limerence as akin to an addiction. Others do not see limerence as originating in childhood from poor parenting and dysfunctional attachments.

Here is a place to share different beliefs as well as share your own POV.
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Terona
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Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2021 11:59 pm
United States of America

Love and Limerence

Post by Terona »

Hello, first post here. I wanted to ask, supposing limerence is not love, do you think it is possible to love someone and be limerant?

For example, if your primary motivations are not rooted in emotions, you are not seeking an emotional reward (or "high") or if you can be genuinely self-sacrificing for that other person's sake. Basically to will the good of the other person for their sake, and not your own, or just your own?

Again supposing limerence is not love, might it be possible to treat the limerence and still love the person?
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Love and Limerence

Post by L-F »

Wow Terona! That's an interesting question. I hope David responds because I'm interested too.

In terms of my experience, I believe limerence has morphed into respect and admiration. I love everything about LO but I'm not obsessed with LO. I love lots of things. My animals for example. Love is not always about physically intimate relationships.

I hope AMA answers this too!
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman
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David
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Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
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Re: Love and Limerence

Post by David »

Welcome to the forum,

People that genuinely believe that they are self-sacrificing for the other persons gain are still seeking something in that transaction unless they are very very conscious and self-aware.

If what they are doing is totally anonymous to the person that they are doing it to, then perhaps that is totally altruistic and apart from the person that is giving feeling better about themselves for the giving, then there is still benefit to the person that is giving if the person that is being gift to is aware of that. It is a subtle form of codependency still, a form of rescuing that still keeps that person on the drama Triangle.

Rescuing is all about not having to look at our own in a pain rescuers are busy saving the world and solving everybody else’s problems is an avoidance tactic.

I hope this is making sense and it is something that I have given a lot of thought to, as I have a cousin that is incredibly generous with giving to charity and likes to think he is totally altruistic, although others do know that he gives generously, and it is that that gives him his ego strokes and validation. If nobody was aware of him giving then he wouldn’t get the external validation. He likes to argue it’s totally altruistic, I see it as different.

It brings to mind a conversation I had with a client yesterday about whether love can ever be truly 100% unconditional?. We say we love our children unconditionally but if one of our children murdered our partners would we still love them unconditionally?
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