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David
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Re: lost a few posts

Post by David »

LisaTranscending wrote:
My fear is just some region of my brain that gets activated by the dopamine of seeing LO, be it from his actual smile, all my accumulated memories, or whatever it is that just sets me off when I see his face. (I think it's his actual face that is doing this to my brain). The human brain has a great memory for faces that starts in infancy when we come to memorize our mother's face.
I am fascinated by this point and since LE day have been trying to identify specific facial cues that trigger me - its a work in progress. Definitely something here that's likely very pre-verbal. I also wonder whether our brain gets re-mapped with limerence and our visual attraction processing centre (wherever that may reside) gets hijacked and scrambled. My LO was not visually what i had previously been attracted to and it now seems as though it is =))
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LisaTranscending
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Re: lost a few posts

Post by LisaTranscending »

Things have been really stressful with a somewhat angry Ex. I keep thinking he's past the breakup...only to run straight into his anger. Don't know if that is fueling my new emerging limerent behavior at work. but...I highly suspect it might. I'm posting here, since I'm not going to create a new post. but....the more I think about it...the more I think that stress really sets off LE in a very unexpected but very direct way.

I really wanted to move forward into friendship with ex. I think I really needed that. but..in truth...he's not ready. I am going to put some space between the stress I'm feeling from him and that space will mean living more like most break ups are...distance..physical...emotional..the works. I wanted to keep things somewhat normal with the family...still have family get-togethers with the kids. but...that's not working. he is more angry now than in the beginning. which is weird.. people should get better, right?

Maybe it was naive of me to think that my ex would be where I am emotionally about the breakup. I don't know why, but I wanted so much to be friends with ex. I like and admire him so much as a person (except when it comes to romantic relationships). He really is a completely different person in a relationship. A person who is so kind and generous...becomes so controlling and demanding with those he really cares about. (including the kids sometimes too). But even with the kids he gives them a break. he is really a great dad most of the time. it's when I'm around now that everything is getting really f'd up. He is very hurt and angry. He hasn't grieved our breakup. He was pretending it was all right...but inside..he's smoldering.

I have to be careful about LE. it might sneak up on me because I am feeling a bit depressed now with the ex being this way. I know I went right to it at work the other day. I wanted to run into the arms of LO (like I always have) to get away from all the world's pains and problems, and be rescued. There's no denying it..that's what I wanted.

will keep an eye on my emotions at work. I am a bit sad right now. I think the space with ex and myself will help. I'm not going to visit him for awhile when I drop off the kid...and I'm going to tell him I need space about his coming to visit when he drops off kid. I think this is the right thing to do. The whole thing has me feeling rather down.
David
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Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
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Re: lost a few posts

Post by David »

LisaTranscending wrote: but....the more I think about it...the more I think that stress really sets off LE in a very unexpected but very direct way. .
Stress is a well recognised trigger to resurface our attachment wounds. Certainly is for me.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
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