I screwed up big time.

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Er1276
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2020 8:58 pm
Gender:
New Zealand

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Er1276 »

I’ve read your post and your situation is so similar to mine, different story but similar...

He has confused you so much you don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. You don’t know if what you had with him was real or not... or if you were in this “relationship” alone and making it all up, because he seemed to be able to let go easily.

I have no idea what this type of behaviour is, although some of the other posters have mentioned narcissist etc. All I know from my point of view is it’s sent me on a road to therapy and looking at what is wrong with me?!? Months and months of reading and obsessing about how I could of got something so wrong..
It’s literally broken me and I’m still trying to get myself back...

I’d start with the codependency triangle. Try and keep it simple.
I’m now trying not to try and understand him, but to focus on myself and understand why and how I could let someone treat me like that. Because if you try to understand him and keep playing it back in your head, it makes you go crazy. You won’t get answers, you can’t be friends, you need to keep going with no contact and dig deep for some self respect...
I’m highly embarrassed and almost ashamed about my situation,
And talking about it here really helps xxx

Thinking of you. Stay strong and he isn’t your friend x
Aryeh

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Aryeh »

ER1276, I could have written your post myself. It's uncanny. I think we got involved with toxic, self-absorbed narcissistic men who have the emotional intelligence of ten year boys. I am finally starting to realize it. The sad part is that they are the messed up ones and have infected us with their disease. I was fine before he pursued me. Now he's got me in this crazy addict haze. I bet he's got 12 other women on the hook, just like me. That's a sobering thought.
Limberman
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2020 12:05 am
Great Britain

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Limberman »

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Last edited by Limberman on Fri Apr 17, 2020 7:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
Er1276
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2020 8:58 pm
Gender:
New Zealand

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Er1276 »

What ever this behaviour is it brings out the “crazy” in all of us.
I’ve spent months and months over thinking it...

Everyone is on their own journey and I’m sure there are nasty people out there. However we can only be responsible for ourselves and change our own actions.

Why would we keep engaging with someone that didn’t want the same thing as us, or who might not want a real relationship when we do? Why would we keep going back time and time again for more hurt.

The answer is no contact, and not allowing the behaviour anymore. Looking deep within and looking at our own behaviours around this. Maybe he’s done me a favour, even though it’s been hell. It’s a road of self discovery although extremely painful.
Uselenss

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Uselenss »

I'm not sure what Limberman says, but yes, my behaviour was definitely crazy. He should not have been messing with me the way he way, and I shouldn't have been messing with him either, because narcissism is a disease of the personality and narcissists suffer too - which is what drives their behaviour.
Useless

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Useless »

Would it be possible to have this entire thread removed? I'm concerned that he might find it, and I don't want to cause him any more pain than he's already in, narcissist or no.
Acrobatica
Posts: 701
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by Acrobatica »

I very much encourage you to read up on narcissism. Narcissists do suffer, but they also rarely change.

Make sure to center yourself in your own feelings and perspective, and worry less about theirs. If you had a narcissistic parent, this can be VERY hard to do.

I’ve never figured out how to delete an entire thread. But you can always delete your own posts. You can just click the pencil button (edit) and delete everything and replace it with a single character (maybe a period) if the delete function no longer works.

Sending you virtual hugs.
NotUseless
Posts: 97
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:31 am
Australia

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by NotUseless »

I've flagged the thread with a moderator. Hopefully they can delete it for me. :)

Thank you everyone.
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3634
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 62
Great Britain

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by David »

Useless wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 4:52 am Would it be possible to have this entire thread removed? I'm concerned that he might find it, and I don't want to cause him any more pain than he's already in, narcissist or no.
Entire threads cannot be removed however on the forum guidelines it does explain how you can delete your individual posts
Purchase the 20 part video series on overcoming limerence for just $49 - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
NotUseless
Posts: 97
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:31 am
Australia

Re: I screwed up big time.

Post by NotUseless »

The problem is that I can't delete my posts from this thread as I posted them anonymously. They are my words, I can do a stat dec owning them if need be. Please can those posts be deleted?

Can I get a vote below - can I request that my own posts here be deleted, even if posted anonymously?
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