A support forum on limerence, love addiction, romantic infatuation, affair recovery and human growth. This is a self-moderated forum. Please bear this in mind if you are easily triggered or offended.
David. You are engaging in gaslighting here. You are telling people that it is their fault if they are hurt by someone actively and purposefully hurting them. This is now beyond you ceding authority to moderate this forum. You are now blaming the victim. I stand by my statement that this is not about me being easily offended or triggered. This is about L-F purposefully saying hurtful things, and then blaming the target for being hurt. And this is now about you supporting L-F's hurtful comments above the pain of dozens of people, if not more, on this forum.
As I think it is clear on this thread, and I hope clear for most to see, this is not a me against L-F issue. This is an L-F issue. It would go a long way for you to just say that her behavior is harmful, but you have not even done that.
David, You have created a forum that is more than unsafe. It is actively harmful. You encourage others to share their stories, only to turn the blame on them when members here use those stories to target and harm others. Instead of calling a spade a spade, you are calling the target "easily triggered."
I did give you a chance to speak with me like an adult Acro. I'm sorry you didnt.
Please people don't fall REvictim to the victim mentality. Some people will insist you are a victim and want to keep you there but I can assure you, you are powerful! You always were. Its other people's narratives you've bought in to (not your fault!).
Rewrite the script. Take back your power, learn to forgive and try to live your best life. You can do it! I believe in you.
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That is completely right, and I'm pretty sure no one is expecting you to read every word, and intervene at every conflict. Of course you could never do that.
I'm pretty sure that conflict resolution skills are not just a thing of training therapists, but OK, let's say that you do have to have those skills to be an effective moderator, which means not anyone can do it. But then, it's a pity, and not an easy to digest fact, that this forum has to be self-moderated due to practical reasons.
THAT right there is the source of the problem we are having with your involvement. Is not the amount of it, as we totally understand that no one can micro-moderate.
I even agree that up to a certain point it is best the let conversations run its natural course.
The problem is where you place that certain point.
"What is found to offensive is highly subjective" is only true if it refers to a certain class of actions, or writings in the case of the forum.
Just as there is absolutely nothing subjective, let alone "highly so", in the offensive nature of beating someone up to a pulp, there are plenty of things that can be said or written, that are objectively, universally offensive and hurtful.
You profess that there is no line that should not be crossed because there is no objective placement for it, but that is just wrong. There is such a line. And is trivial to present an example: a direct insult. There is nothing highly subjective about the fact that a direct insult is offensive. And just as that trivial example shows that something can offensive on its own right, un-subjectively, there are lots and lots of instances of such an offense on the posts in this forum.
And all we ask of you is to acknowledge the reality of the objectively universal nature of the damage words can inflict regardless of the sensitivity of the recipient. To claim that every attack is only so if the one being attacked is "easily triggered or offended" is plain unreal and absolutely unfair.
“No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties.” -Paul Goodman
Reading that quote years ago and accepting it was the first HUGE turning point I made in Limerence. It allowed to finally stop shaming myself (when I had never in fact actually acted on my LE, just suffered from a disease of destructive intrusive thoughts). I made it my signature here 3 years ago because it not only helped me but frankly I wanted people who may have been subject to the complaints this thread addresses to see it too - and to stop being ashamed and start being productive.
Anyway: Maddie, your request not to copy your words directly goes further to my suggestion - we are inherently sharing deeply deeply personal, intimate, and controversial stories and feelings and after some times lots of us have gone back and edited our posts replacing the confession with “.” Because we can’t delete it. We should be able to chose when we’d like to retract OUR narratives (posts by Both ourselves and others) in OUR threads. It’d would reduce a burden on David as well I think.
That would be beneficial, but I doubt David will make that happen, which is beyond my understanding.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
In general, be courteous to others. Attack ideas, not users. Personal insults, shill or troll accusations, hate speech, any advocating or wishing death/physical harm, and other rule violations can result in a permanent ban.
I want to point out that L-F's posts easily violated these standards.
https://www.salon.com/2019/08/05/why-un ... o-fascism/
https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/12/1756 ... ment-abuse
And thank you to everyone who commented on this post.