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Confused

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shar

Confused

Post by shar »

I am confused....is it limerence, obsession,.....? Here's my story, hopefully someone can help me understand what's going on.
I started a new job and worked with this girl. We hit it off immediately and became friends. We worked together for only 6 months, and my mother got real sick. I took a leave of absence. We continued texting and talking while I was off for 6 months.. In the time I was off, she moved to Alabama to be with her wife who had moved there earlier. She was not happy with her wife and did not want to move, but she did anyhow to try to make it work. We continued to talk and text. She hated it there and was thinking of moving back. We started talking more and getting a lot closer, even to the point that we admitted there was something more happening. We were both looking forward to her moving back so we could spend time together.

One day, out of the blue, she told me there was too much texting going on. That we needed to chill, and could only be friends. Two days later, I found out that she actually took a job in Alabama. She said it was making a lot more money and she couldn't pass it up. For the next few days after that, we continued talking and texting, then one night was the last time I heard from her. I had said something about us not being together, and she replied that I needed to find something else to do besides sit and think about this. That was it. She blocked my phone and Facebook. She won't reply to any way I've tried to contact her. I've tried emailing and using other peoples phones. Nothing.

I have done nothing but think of her constantly for the past 7 months. I can barely function. I keep calling, texting and emailing. I know I shouldn't, but I need to know why she quit talking to me. What was the reason. Why can't we continue being friends? So, is it ior just confusion that makes me not be able to get her out of my head?
User avatar
Chuck
Posts: 114
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: Confused

Post by Chuck »

A lot of things can trigger limerence. Personal challenges, like an illness in the family, can put people in a place emotionally where they might subconsciously be looking for something that can make them happy. Any kind of dis-satisfaction with where your life is at can make you feel like you need a rescue. A magic pill that will make things better.
Then when you find someone that ignites that romantic spark you can build an attachment that is hard to break. What's worse, is when that relationship doesn't pan out, or where there are obstacles that prevent things from moving forward, the attraction becomes obsession. Instead of moving on, you find yourself wondering where things went wrong. What did I do? What did I fail to do? What does this comment mean? What does her silence mean? On, and on, and on, . . .

It sure sounds like that might be where you are now.
The good news is, the surest way to break free is through no contact. If she is in Alabama and not talking to you, as painful as that can be, it will actually help you in moving on. Be patient though. It can take a while.

Now you just need to look at yourself and your life as it stands and hopefully rescue yourself. What's working. What isn't, and formulate a plan to find a new path without this person.

There are a lot of similar stories on these pages and a lot of support. Drink it in and you will be ok.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying
Shar

Re: Confused

Post by Shar »

How do you know she blocked me out because she didnt want to be with me? Why isn't it possible that she did want the same, but knew it couldn't happen because of the job and not moving back? She had told me one time that she would walk away so as not to hurt me. Maybe she thinks thats what she is doing now? I just wish she would tell me why she did this. The unknown is a terrible thing!

I know I am supposed to let her go. But I dont understand why we cant still be friends. The other feelings only lasted for two months. We were friends a lot longer. Is it her that can't be just friends? Is that why she did this?

All i know is, she is in my head all day, every day. I just wish I had closure of some sort. Maybe if she would tell me she wants nothing to do with me. You could say that by her not talking to me, should be proof of that. But i dont believe that. She told me a joke, then it all came to an end in a matter of an hour!

This is why I have a problem. It shouldn't matter why she did it. I should just accept the fact that she is out of my life. But I cant. I dont want her to be. Its not even a sexual thing. I just enjoyed talking to her.

I dont like the idea of this going on for years! I hope I can get thru it sooner!
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