In need of some words of wisdom

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Spadge100
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Re: In need of some words of wisdom

Post by Spadge100 »

Thanks Aysheal and I’m glad you are enjoying the book. I first read it while in the middle of the EA and completely misinterpreted it, believing I was making pod human decisions when really I was acting on nothing except the chimp!

Yep I certainly set myself up for the manic episode that’s for sure. I was hypomanic for four months leading up to it, little sleep, loads of energy and creativity and believing that the friendship I had developed was a healthy way through the hypomanic state, without releasing it was actually the cause of it.

When I read about the three elements that make up limerence I realise now I created a perfect storm for myself. Acting on a glimmer I had held for all of my adult life, over sharing and feeling I had to protect her from COVID when she had it, receiving reciprocation but often with her pulling back and feeding me crumbs, through to the ghosting at the end when her SO started showing interest in her again.

I am definitely through the worst of it. This weekend was the least limerent weekend so far. NC remains in place and coming up for six months.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the book. I do think it helps exploit the brain in a really easy way to understand.

PS apologies too for hijacking the post, us limerents aren’t very good at staying on topic and sure we can all talk for hours (anonymously of course, damn introversion!!) 😃
Aysheal
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Re: In need of some words of wisdom

Post by Aysheal »

Spadge100 wrote: Sun Feb 28, 2021 8:20 pm ... us limerents aren’t very good at staying on topic and sure we can all talk for hours (anonymously of course, damn introversion!!) 😃
Haha, yes!

Congratulations on holding on to the NC.
You are a good person, it seems to be a common characteristic of the LS, who want to help and/or protect and/or heal their LO!

The lack of sleep you mentioned is terrible. It can make you confused, and also sometimes be responsible for hallucinations or psychotic episodes. I had brief hallucinations once, when I was very sleep-deprived; I remember “seeing” the air molecules around me, I could push them away with my hand, lol! I knew it wasn’t real and why it happened (I had slept less than 2 hours a night for maybe 10 days).
In my case, something, (too much pressure at work) triggered such intense anxiety that I couldn't sleep and the medicine my GP gave me didn’t work.

I guess it all fell apart for you when you realized that you actually had an EA (not just a friendship), and when her husband found out and she dropped you.
I’ve been L several times. It didn’t last long bc I got all flustered in front of my LO: it was so unpleasant I quickly got over it. This time, my LO is an actor, I’ve no chance to be in contact with him and the LE has been going on for almost 2 years.
Spadge100
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Re: In need of some words of wisdom

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi Aysheal

Yep it all cam crashing down quickly. I was awake one night (as usual) and discovered about EAs on the internet. For me that was when it came crashing down. Despite most of our interactions were plutonic with a little bit of flirting it rocked me to my core.

I too hadn’t really slept well for months. The hypomanic phase and I think the anxiety of it all. My hallucinations started three weeks after the doctors changed my medication. I didn’t sleep for two days and essentially thought I had died and was shearing voices\tv and radio talking to me\questioned my sexuality and suddenly felt religious. It took a week of strong medication to finally realise I hadn’t died and that I was on a ward, not in pergatory.

It’s incredible what your brain can do, but I’m the other side of that now (and the depression that followed) as long as I sleep well, eat well and basically put myself first for once.

These things shape us and I know I’m stronger for it now. Limerence is definitely fading and seeing it for the craziness it was.
Aysheal
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Re: In need of some words of wisdom

Post by Aysheal »

I have a belief: I think that much of our thinking and behavior is controlled by nonconscious brain processes; and that those processes are “programmed” to help us the best possible way. But it’s not perfect: it must take into account many parameters: our memories, our beliefs, our needs, our dreams, the availability of neurotransmitters or hormones... inputs from our environment, etc...
It sometimes seems illogical or counterproductive... only because we don’t know all the parameters of the equation (it’s a mostly unconscious process).

You are a very moral person, Spadge. From my point of view and after reading your story, your psychotic episode seems logical to me. It was too much to bear.
I also think that you beat yourself up too much when you discovered about EAs.
Some people feel a lot of guilt when they’ve done nothing, or almost nothing wrong (e.g. having an EA) and others don’t feel guilty at all when they should (e.g. some murderers).

I'm glad this experience is now behind you. And with the right medication and taking good care of yourself, I’m happy to read that you can feel better and be stronger.
I’ve been L several times. It didn’t last long bc I got all flustered in front of my LO: it was so unpleasant I quickly got over it. This time, my LO is an actor, I’ve no chance to be in contact with him and the LE has been going on for almost 2 years.
Aysheal
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 12:05 am
Location: Paris
Gender:
Age: 46
France

Re: In need of some words of wisdom

Post by Aysheal »

We talked about the book « The Chimp Paradox » in this thread (thank you Spadge!). I’ve found an audio version on YouTube and here’s the link in case anyone is interested :
https://youtu.be/jJ1EUkYPG5g (public domain - free and full length).
I’ve been L several times. It didn’t last long bc I got all flustered in front of my LO: it was so unpleasant I quickly got over it. This time, my LO is an actor, I’ve no chance to be in contact with him and the LE has been going on for almost 2 years.
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: In need of some words of wisdom

Post by Spadge100 »

Thanks @aysheal for the kind words. It is much appreciated. We can’t change our past only our futures.
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