Hey gang, will try to muster the wherewithal for a more informational post and detailed story when I can.
But for now, here is a high level summary:
Best female friend of 20+ years. Always had feelings and attraction for her. Relationship resurgence over the last 6 months. She was reciprocating. Pieces of the pie include: deep rich friendship history, genuine/actual/legit being in love, and LE. The LE f*cking ruined it and spoiled it all. BARELY managed to salvage things (I think/I hope) by successfully re-friend-zoning it in a mutual way, providing a modicum of “resolution” and “closure”. This I suppose was/is a close enough approximation to a ‘rejection’ that I would hope it would end the LE. Except it does not compute for me. I wanted to marry her. She wanted to marry me. I cannot stand the loss of this. I’m kinda in that place where I don’t wanna live without her. Ahhh!!!!
Anyways, I just wanted to float a request to the community to send me your prayers, well-wishes, positive vibes, and warm fuzzies.
I am so broken by this. On top of the last 8 years of brokenness and nonstop trauma and living in PTSD land.
Prayers welcome!!!!!
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Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
- Watchmaker
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:43 am
- Gender:
Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
Damaged and compromised beta cuck
"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"
"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"
Re: Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
Hi Watchmaker
Sorry to hear what you are going through. That’s a hell of a lot of emotions to process.
Unfortunately closure is an illusion. There is always something else to say so only you can give it closure.
Whilst staying friends is what all of us want, unfortunately it’s often an impossibility really as ultimately we want more than that.
Would it be wise to have a period of NC in the first instance? With a similar shared history with my LO, albeit very distant friends for 20+ years, I know that those feelings would resurface with any connection and sounds like you are in a similar boat.
Wishing you all the best for the future.
Sorry to hear what you are going through. That’s a hell of a lot of emotions to process.
Unfortunately closure is an illusion. There is always something else to say so only you can give it closure.
Whilst staying friends is what all of us want, unfortunately it’s often an impossibility really as ultimately we want more than that.
Would it be wise to have a period of NC in the first instance? With a similar shared history with my LO, albeit very distant friends for 20+ years, I know that those feelings would resurface with any connection and sounds like you are in a similar boat.
Wishing you all the best for the future.
Re: Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
Hello Watchmaker,
This sounds bad. Are you serious with PTSD, are you treating it anyhow?
For LEs, friendship has never worked for me. You could give it a try, but if you have it accompanied with sorrow and despair, then it becomes toxic and of no benefit. Do the NC, really, it does wonders. If a girl is interested, she shows some activities as well... texts you, asks you how are you, invites you to activities where your participation is not necessary, etc. If she is not making any contact, she does not feel what you feel and she is not interested. And you cannot change it.
Prayers were of no use for me. If you are single, change your focus to other girls. Or even better - to other activities.
This sounds bad. Are you serious with PTSD, are you treating it anyhow?
For LEs, friendship has never worked for me. You could give it a try, but if you have it accompanied with sorrow and despair, then it becomes toxic and of no benefit. Do the NC, really, it does wonders. If a girl is interested, she shows some activities as well... texts you, asks you how are you, invites you to activities where your participation is not necessary, etc. If she is not making any contact, she does not feel what you feel and she is not interested. And you cannot change it.
Prayers were of no use for me. If you are single, change your focus to other girls. Or even better - to other activities.
Re: Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
What parts of LE destroyed it? Why did you do those things? What are you trying to accomplish by doing those things. You can coexist with this, but you don't get to escape the reasons. Whatever your inner hurt is, it drives this. NC got me 90% there, the other 10 wavers, but a bit will always remain at some level as it's lifelong pattern just doesn't vanish because I realize what it is. Learn as well. You are in this for a reason and sometimes learning what broken really means is a great thing. I've gained so much empathy for all us struggling souls.
- Watchmaker
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:43 am
- Gender:
Re: Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
Thanks all. Just did a new post with some more insights and updates. Surprised I was even able to do another post... I’m pretty much shutting down these days. Thanks for the love (tough love and gentle love) and the community support.
Damaged and compromised beta cuck
"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"
"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"
-
- Posts: 62
- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:45 pm
- Gender:
Re: Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
How’s it going WM?
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- Posts: 5717
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
Re: Broken: asking for thoughts and prayers
Will do, WM!
She's not broken, she's just a baby. But her boyfriend's like a dad just like a dad-Lady Gaga, Alejandro
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