Disclosure for Closure?

[JupiterTaco]

We're in a similar boat. Other people on the forum are proponents of just going NC and that we don't owe our LO any explanation, but that seems harsh to me. Yes we should focus on ourselves and not place so much importance on LO, but why would it be fair to just totally disappear from the face of the earth and not give any warning or explanation to someone who is supposedly a friend.

My LO already knows I like her because I asked her out (I was/am single, she was single and I believed she still was when I asked, but she had started dating someone by that point), but even still I feel like it would come across too strong for me to tell her I need to disengage because I'm obsessed with her. Obviously you know you're own situation best, but my personal opinion when I apply the situation to my own is that I will come across as weird for disclosing, and that LO would want to distance from me. Maybe that's ultimately for the best though. And I hear you, the current situation isn't so good either. I've tried LC and it didn't really work for me -- I do think NC is ultimately the way to go but I don't know myself the best way to get there.

I suppose the answer is in what kind of "friend" they are. If they are truly a friend that has done nothing to contribute to the situation, that's different than someone telling you you're a "friend" and really keeping you on the back burner.

[DreamingBlue]

My LO has done nothng wrong, but yes "friend" is a weird term for someone who has caused so much pain, or, if not caused, is directly associated with so much pain.

[mycorona]

Hi dreaming. I hear you. Sticking up foryour LO.
You could say my LO has done nothing wrong too at least he'd say that. But he has. He said "no" not in so many words, but he let me know it. SOs on both sides, friends with my SO etc but he wanted me to still want him and I sure did. He got hit after hit from me cos stupid me thought if I hung around he might see how wonderful I am and change his mind!
Now I'm trying to go very LC and save my sanity.

[DreamingBlue]

Hey everyone, (maybe Silver members only?) I just did a draft of my disclosure in the "Disclosure Dump" thread. Please tell me what you think.

How stubborn am I? I'm still looking for an excuse/reason/permission to tell her. It's all, ultimately, because I think the ONLY true NC with her is through full BLOCKING on all social media, but that would be an aggressive, provocative act that would elicit a WTF? from her. Just pretending everything is fine, while deeply addicted to her, and having access is JUST not working. I am looking for an understanding from her that I need to go cold turkey with her, and maybe be friends down the road.

thanks

[Warped]

I think the ONLY true NC with her is through full BLOCKING on all social media, but that would be an aggressive, provocative act that would elicit a WTF? from her. Just pretending everything is fine, while deeply addicted to her, and having access is JUST not working. I am looking for an understanding from her that I need to go cold turkey with her, and maybe be friends down the road.

thanks

After one week of telling my LO I needed to go NC I had the same feelings about her and social media. I would think about making posts on Facebook knowing she would see them. In a way that's a form of contact. So I deleted her from social media and it was the right decision from me.

I also cling onto the idea that we may one day be friends again. That's just my limerent brain speaking again.

Your allowed to reject her friendship much in the same way you're allowed to reject anyone else's. This may hurt her feelings, but that minor pain she feels is temporary and will fade quickly, but your limerence is a pain you need to deal with for a long time.

It sounds like your limerent brain is making up excuses and rationalizing.