Newbie please help

[Alice]

Hi guys first time posting. I’m in the midst of my second major LE with my sports coach. I have a SO of 19 years who I love dearly. Long story short at the weekend we got very drunk and I told LI I had feelings for him. He said his feelings were platonic but we ended up kissing.
I have confessed to my SO abs while he wasn’t impressed he said he’s not willing to throw away almost 20 years on a kiss and I shouldn’t be either. He’s even ok with me continuing my training though I of course offered to quit. My coach and I have agreed to put it behind us but I feel a terrible whirlwind of feelings. On one hand and most importantly guilt. I’m not the kind of person who does this and I don’t k is how I can ever forgive myself. In the other hand I keep replaying the kiss (what I can remember, could have been multiple), looking for signs he was as in to it as I was.
I don’t know how I possibly get through this, Will I always be the awful wife who kissed another man?
I don’t want to give up the sport I love (it’s quite unusual and there is no other provision for it locally), but I can’t see a way through this. I’m seeing a psychologist on Thursday who specialises in attachment issues. Any advice appreciated x

[L-F]

Welcome to the forums Alice.

I'm struggling with the idea of him kissing you and saying it's a platonic relationship? The definition of platonic is 'not sexual in nature', yet kissing is

That aside, you've come to a place of support. People with different stories and at different stages of healing here to walk beside you. Welcome!

[Alice]

Thanks for the reply.
Yes me too, I guess he just went with the kiss anyway since we were drunk. I’m pretty sure I instigated it.
It’s so out of character and against my values I just can’t make peace with myself

[AMA210]

@Alice: "He said his feelings were platonic but we ended up kissing."

Hello and welcome to the forum. Glad that you are here.

I agree with L-F on this part of your story.
I would think that if you view someone as platonic/friend, then it wouldn't even venture into that territory, regardless if alcohol was involved or not.
Although, under that influence, most tend to lose their inhibitions, and although the mind says "no", the "heart" says yes.

I kind of understand your SO's reaction to all of it. In the males, unless physical sex is involved with it, then not really a big deal. My SO was the same way.

Hoping you will find the resources and support that you need here.

[Alice]

I would think that if you view someone as platonic/friend, then it wouldn't even venture into that territory, regardless if alcohol was involved or not.

I think this is why I’m so confused. Surely it can’t have just been me kissing him!
As we know uncertainty is just more fuel isn’t it.
I’m also very worried that he thinks I’m a bad person and that he’ll distance himself from me over it. The thought of him stepping back from me is terrifying.

But regardless I guess I just need to be grateful that my SO thinks we can just move past it.

[DreamingBlue]

I'd stop the training with this guy, and put it behind you. You can't control your thoughts but your actions will soothe you. Do the right thing. That's what I'm doing.

[David]

welcome Alice nand good to see you here.

Some good answers already from my peers

Guys dont kiss girls back unless there is some attraction



DAvid

[Alice]

Thanks for your kind replies.
So we agreed to put the kiss behind us and things have been pretty normal, but tonight his girlfriend was in the gym and seeing them together just about broke my heart.
I absolutely know that this man is not for me, that rationally we have no future together but my dopamine addicted brain just won’t have it.

We’re away on a family trip this weekend and all I can think of is how I’ll be constantly thinking about kissing him and missing him. My son and husband deserve more than this

This really is the strangest condition isn’t it, it’s no wonder it’s hard to explain it to non limerents!

Hope everyone is having a good week.

[IvB]

Yes, I too wasted my holiday last September ruminating about LO. It must be difficult to keep seeing him I wish you a lot of strength.