Approaching a sensitive subject

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virusbkk
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by virusbkk »

If I were you, I would not bring this up proactively.

A health scare such as this is deeply personal and best left to said couple so they can process it internally.

Let the LO reach out with news, if any.
peter.rabbit
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

virusbkk wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 12:39 pm If I were you, I would not bring this up proactively.

A health scare such as this is deeply personal and best left to said couple so they can process it internally.

Let the LO reach out with news, if any.
This has also been a concern in my mind, not wanting to intrude on their lives.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

peter.rabbit wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 4:32 pm
virusbkk wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 12:39 pm If I were you, I would not bring this up proactively.

A health scare such as this is deeply personal and best left to said couple so they can process it internally.

Let the LO reach out with news, if any.
This has also been a concern in my mind, not wanting to intrude on their lives.
Yea, the more I think about it- my desire to reach out to her is both 'normal' but also Limerent. Respecting their private lives is more important than my want to re-insure that I care and am supportive....she already knows that, without a doubt.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
L-F
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by L-F »

L-F wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 2:39 am I would let LO make the calls. I'm sure if it was important for me to know, LO would tell me.
..........
peter.rabbit wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 5:54 pm Respecting their private lives is more important than my want to re-insure that I care and am supportive....she already knows that, without a doubt.
^^^ Now that's what I call chivalry. Putting the needs of the other before oneself.

It's good to voice things and use others as a sounding board. Hearing our thoughts can make a difference.

Going off-topic here, I feel intent is huge in any interaction and is also karmic. Take for example two parents who separate and one (or both) bad-mouth the other parent in front of the child/ren. Ultimately, it can come back to bite them in the backside when the child learns the truth.
I feel its important to look at ones intentions.
When you can spot your limerent intentions, it's easier to make a decision. Spotting one's intentions before acting out, and choosing our actions (words, etc) after becoming aware of our intention changes our karma.

At the same time, and because you're limerent, it can hurt not being a priority in LO's life. Limerents love to rescue or be rescued. Limerents, in general, love to play the blame game. We are also not to be blamed for those things.

I hope you have a great therapy session and things get easier.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
Significant other
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by Significant other »

Peter Rabbit:
Use the same communication channel through which you found out about the tests.
I would not think so much, you are at least friends.
AMA210
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by AMA210 »

I agree with the other responses here, and just wanted to add a bit to looking at what your intentions are for doing it.

I think people in general are not good with being honest with themselves. Also I think that lime rents have a tendency to not accept the reality of the situation or of the LO. I would suggest writing out your intentions, but in doing this, be completely honest with yourself, including what you hope to gain from offering support to her.

Having access to the LO is of utmost importance and over-rides all logic at any given time.

Best to you.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
theorina38
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by theorina38 »

Start with the end in mind. What do you hope to achieve by contacting LO? What outcomes are you looking for?
"Trauma creates change you don't choose.
Healing creates changes you do choose."
– Michelle Rosenthal
L-F
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by L-F »

Totally off topic again :))
I'm good at that.

I do wonder if this relationship has a lot to teach you. Now I don't want to glorify limerence here and encourage others since NC really does help provide clarity and a way out.
There's this saying which goes along the lines of 'whatever you avoid will find you'. And I'm wondering if going NC (or in many cases, marriage) will end limerence for you.
Put it this way, you've married an LO before (which killed limerence, as it tends to) and now you're back. So essentially nothing ended. And if you go NC, limerence for your current LO may end, yet you may find yourself in the same situation with someone else, as you've found from past LOs.

So... My question is, what are you avoiding/not learning? I'm tempted to suggest staying to find out. But it isn't the standard approach. Perhaps I'm coming from a spiritual angle? I don't know. Typically I'd suggest NC, yet, I feel, that if you concentrate on remaining mentally healthy, you may learn something by remaining friends??? I think its because I'm not picking up from you your strong desire to merge.

Has your limerent urges diminished Peter?
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
peter.rabbit
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Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

@All, it's getting late here, and I'm tired...but I shall address the questions on the issues mentioned in your 5 responses, tomorrow afternoon. ;)
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Alice
Posts: 22
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Great Britain

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by Alice »

L-F wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:58 am Totally off topic again :))
I'm good at that.

I do wonder if this relationship has a lot to teach you. Now I don't want to glorify limerence here and encourage others since NC really does help provide clarity and a way out.
There's this saying which goes along the lines of 'whatever you avoid will find you'. And I'm wondering if going NC (or in many cases, marriage) will end limerence for you.
Put it this way, you've married an LO before (which killed limerence, as it tends to) and now you're back. So essentially nothing ended. And if you go NC, limerence for your current LO may end, yet you may find yourself in the same situation with someone else, as you've found from past LOs.

So... My question is, what are you avoiding/not learning? I'm tempted to suggest staying to find out. But it isn't the standard approach. Perhaps I'm coming from a spiritual angle? I don't know. Typically I'd suggest NC, yet, I feel, that if you concentrate on remaining mentally healthy, you may learn something by remaining friends??? I think its because I'm not picking up from you your strong desire to merge.

Has your limerent urges diminished Peter?
This is really interesting and links really closely with the addiction elements of limerence.
I went directly from one LO to another, both of whom were / are my strength coach.

I was talking to my very close friend about it and suggested that I might need to leave the gym and so go NC. She spent time in AA, and said this is common amongst addicts; they move to a different area in the hopes they can ‘leave behind’ the addiction. It’s call “doing a geographical”.
Inevitably the addiction follows them and it solves nothing.

I theorise that going NC can be the same thing. My limerence simply transferred from one coach to another. Until I do the inner work to make sure there are no unmet needs there to fill, I suspect I could easily just start another episode with a different LO should I go NC.

For now, he will stay in my life as my coach and friend and I will try to heal myself through self awareness, purpose and gratitude for the life I have & the people in it.
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