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Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
Correct me if I'm wrong Peter, isn't your 3rd (or is that 4th?) wife also your LO? And if so, was your first wife an LO?
If I was a man with more than one wife and more than one LO, I'd sign myself up to one of Davids 'man groups' and run the hell away from all women. I'd rather be a happy healthy single old man happily playing a banjo deep in a forest somewhere.
If I was a man with more than one wife and more than one LO, I'd sign myself up to one of Davids 'man groups' and run the hell away from all women. I'd rather be a happy healthy single old man happily playing a banjo deep in a forest somewhere.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
No, so much damage done to all involved. However, leaving the wife was a long time coming, some even suggest that the affair+marriage+divorce of the LO was a transitional relationship.
Urban Dictionary definition:
A affair in which one or both people have recently come out of a painful divorce/long-term relationship; somewhat of a "practice run" for the next serious relationship.
Yes, NO to the LO, yes to the inevitable breakup of a long term marriage that should never have been.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
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- Posts: 450
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Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
First wife was not an LO by any definition, she stepped out of the marriage and cheated not quite 2 years in, for whatever reason. Wife #2 was a rebound situation, we married a week after my divorce from wife #1. Wife #3 was the LO. I'm presently married to my 4th(and last!) wife, these past 18 years.
LOL, I've been told I should swear off women. My maternal grandfather became a hermit and spent his last years "happily playing a banjo deep in a forest somewhere" ...in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
[q
Do you think that limerence played a part in making you believe that the LO was a suitable partner?peter.rabbit wrote: ↑Tue Jul 27, 2021 10:50 pmNo, so much damage done to all involved. However, leaving the wife was a long time coming, some even suggest that the affair+marriage+divorce of the LO was a transitional relationship.
Urban Dictionary definition:A affair in which one or both people have recently come out of a painful divorce/long-term relationship; somewhat of a "practice run" for the next serious relationship.Yes, NO to the LO, yes to the inevitable breakup of a long term marriage that should never have been.
Last edited by virusbkk on Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:39 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
The marriage breakup was due to factors that were in motion long before the LE. In retrospect, I'd say that limerence did indeed lead me to believe that the LO was suitable. Getting into a relationship with her was a very bad idea. She wasn't just a "run of the mill" LO, she was(I believe it's fair to say) a genuine narcissistic, sociopathic predator. I had a lengthy conversation with a deputy sheriff / co-worker who married & divorced her after I did. He asked me if I thought that she was just evil. I was reluctant to categorize her as evil at that time, but over time my view of her has evolved.virusbkk wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 2:21 amSo if I understand you correctly, leaving the wife was the correct thing to do,peter.rabbit wrote: ↑Tue Jul 27, 2021 10:50 pmNo, so much damage done to all involved. However, leaving the wife was a long time coming, some even suggest that the affair+marriage+divorce of the LO was a transitional relationship.
Urban Dictionary definition:A affair in which one or both people have recently come out of a painful divorce/long-term relationship; somewhat of a "practice run" for the next serious relationship.Yes, NO to the LO, yes to the inevitable breakup of a long term marriage that should never have been.
but getting into a relationship with the LO was a bad decision?
I'm trying to understand whether limerence played a part in making you believe that the LO was a suitable partner?
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
It seems most LO's are narcissistic and self-centred.peter.rabbit wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:10 amThe marriage breakup was due to factors that were in motion long before the LE. In retrospect, I'd say that limerence did indeed lead me to believe that the LO was suitable. Getting into a relationship with her was a very bad idea. She wasn't just a "run of the mill" LO, she was(I believe it's fair to say) a genuine narcissistic, sociopathic predator. I had a lengthy conversation with a deputy sheriff / co-worker who married & divorced her after I did. He asked me if I thought that she was just evil. I was reluctant to categorize her as evil at that time, but over time my view of her has evolved.virusbkk wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 2:21 amSo if I understand you correctly, leaving the wife was the correct thing to do,peter.rabbit wrote: ↑Tue Jul 27, 2021 10:50 pm
No, so much damage done to all involved. However, leaving the wife was a long time coming, some even suggest that the affair+marriage+divorce of the LO was a transitional relationship.
Urban Dictionary definition:
Yes, NO to the LO, yes to the inevitable breakup of a long term marriage that should never have been.
but getting into a relationship with the LO was a bad decision?
I'm trying to understand whether limerence played a part in making you believe that the LO was a suitable partner?
I think that is because limerence is self-serving, so we are subconsciously attracted to people with similar traits.
And do you believe it was a rebound / transitional relationship?
I guess it maybe possible, but depends on how recently separated/divorced the LO was when you got entangled with her.
In my case, LO was single for more than a year when I started the affair with her,
but I think she had a whole "phantom ex" thing going on, which is something fairly common with avoidant people.
The phantom ex It is quite a fascinating read, you can checkout the section at the link below:
https://www.freetoattach.com/dating
It is basically a subconscious mechanism that avoidants use to create emotional distance in the current relationship.
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
Phew! ... So glad you brought that up.
100%
Peter, hopefully your 3rd and 4th wife got you over your 2nd one. Sounds like it wasn't a good fit. But then, so does wife 1 & 3.
Hoping things going well with SO at the moment.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
Interesting! Thanks for sharing. I reckon, just my view, that most limerents are avoidant. Again, just my view.virusbkk wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:44 am The phantom ex It is quite a fascinating read, you can checkout the section at the link below:
https://www.freetoattach.com/dating
It is basically a subconscious mechanism that avoidants use to create emotional distance in the current relationship.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
My clinical experience concurs with that. And some maybe anxious/avoidant, sometimes called disorganised attachment.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Re: Disclosing feelings to an affair partner(AP) / LO
AKA Alpha widows.virusbkk wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:44 am
The phantom ex It is quite a fascinating read, you can checkout the section at the link below:
https://www.freetoattach.com/dating
It is basically a subconscious mechanism that avoidants use to create emotional distance in the current relationship.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
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