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Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

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BP71
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Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by BP71 »

I started an affair with an old high school friend who contacted me via social media. We were both married, but I was flattered and interested. We began with texting, then sexting. We were in contact nearly every day, sometimes texting for hours on end. We lived three hours apart, but met up once every few months for the next year. I was head over heels and convinced that we should be together instead of with our actual SO's. About a year in, he became more and more distant and then finally broke it off saying he was "going through some stuff" and needed it to end. And I mean he really broke it off...not one single text or even a FB "like" from that point on. I was devastated. I've since found out that he's divorcing his wife, but hasn't contacted me - further evidence of his disinterest, which also devastated me. That was six months ago and I'm still dwelling even though there has been absolutely no contact. I can't help but wonder occasionally if he'll write. Ugh.

I only recently learned about the concept of limerence when Googling "do twin flames exist?" Yep, I'd been reading too many Quora posts about lost love. My search brought me to an article called "Are Twin Flames Real Or Justified Obsession?" As I read on, I realized that I'm actually obsessed with LO, not "unfairly separated from my perfect match" as I'd thought. My experience with him showed all the classic hallmarks - elation when he wrote to me, deflation and worry when he didn't. Lost sleep due to fantasies about being together. That all-consuming need to win him over. Etc...

It's been tough and I'm hoping that learning more and engaging in forums will help. At least I've identified my problem...Yikes. Never thought I'd be one to suffer from obsession. I really do hope this goes away. :-s

Thanks for listening.
David
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Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by David »

Welcome BP

Im not a fan of the twin flame theory nor soulmates. For me, its more about wound mates.

Anyhow, lots of support and wisdom to be on these pages

David
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by L-F »

There are a few here who have had affairs and recovered from limerence, so hoping they can add some insight to this thread.

Welcome!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by virusbkk »

Every situation is different, but it seems like there's a backstory here,
with this person being your high school acquaintance.

Regardless of the background,
the only way you will move forward is complete NC - delete all contact info and/or block all communication as well.

It takes some time for the affair fog to clear - minimum 6 months.

"Soul mates", "twin flames", "amazing connection" playing over and over in your head,
is because of the withdrawal symptoms.

Good luck!
BP71
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Gender:
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by BP71 »

virusbkk I think is onto something.

LO was someone I crushed on and dated briefly in HS. When he reappeared in my life decades later it not only stirred up old feelings, but caused me to focus on the "old him," not the new. Does that make sense? I still feel like even now the intrusive thoughts I have focus on a fantasy version of him and not reality at all.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by peter.rabbit »

BP71 wrote: Fri Jan 21, 2022 4:41 pm LO was someone I crushed on and dated briefly in HS. When he reappeared in my life decades later it not only stirred up old feelings, but caused me to focus on the "old him," not the new. Does that make sense? I still feel like even now the intrusive thoughts I have focus on a fantasy version of him and not reality at all.
A few years ago I encountered my HS flame on Classmates, then Friended on Facebook. I kept my distance, then after a while decided to stop playing with fire,. I went overseas in the military...when I got back she calmly mentioned that she was engaged, no big deal to her.

Edit: I guess I should consider myself lucky, my LOs throughout life haven't been the type to fight passionately for the relationship, that would make separation harder for me.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by L-F »

Hey Peter... you know me, can't but ask what you mean by the following
peter.rabbit wrote: Tue Jan 25, 2022 8:43 pm I kept my distance, then after a while decided to stop playing with fire,.
? I'm perplexed. Were you aware you were playing with fire by becoming friends, and if you were aware, what keep the train in motion? Boredom? A desire for trouble? A fling? ? :-??
peter.rabbit wrote: Tue Jan 25, 2022 8:43 pm Edit: I guess I should consider myself lucky, my LOs throughout life haven't been the type to fight passionately for the relationship, that would make separation harder for me.
?????????
Having someone not interested in fighting for the relationship would make it harder to separate? What's that about?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by peter.rabbit »

L-F wrote: Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:12 am Hey Peter... you know me, can't but ask what you mean by the following
peter.rabbit wrote: Tue Jan 25, 2022 8:43 pm I kept my distance, then after a while decided to stop playing with fire,.
? I'm perplexed. Were you aware you were playing with fire by becoming friends, and if you were aware, what keep the train in motion? Boredom? A desire for trouble? A fling? ? :-??
peter.rabbit wrote: Tue Jan 25, 2022 8:43 pm Edit: I guess I should consider myself lucky, my LOs throughout life haven't been the type to fight passionately for the relationship, that would make separation harder for me.
?????????
Having someone not interested in fighting for the relationship would make it harder to separate? What's that about?
Here's what I know now: the lady that had been my HS girlfriend was the first LO in my life. I had not yet heard of Limerence when I came in contact with her later in life(about 5 years ago), but I had been haunted by my attraction to her, all my life. Therefore, I was cautious, not wanting to rev-up and old flame...or more to the point: not wanting to open up an old wound.
My second statement: "my LOs throughout life haven't been the type to fight passionately for the relationship, that would make separation harder for me" means that once we split up, it was pretty much final, rather than hanging on to a lost relationship.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by L-F »

peter.rabbit wrote: Fri Jan 28, 2022 11:25 pm Here's what I know now: the lady that had been my HS girlfriend was the first LO in my life. I had not yet heard of Limerence when I came in contact with her later in life(about 5 years ago), but I had been haunted by my attraction to her, all my life. Therefore, I was cautious, not wanting to rev-up and old flame...or more to the point: not wanting to open up an old wound.
My second statement: "my LOs throughout life haven't been the type to fight passionately for the relationship, that would make separation harder for me" means that once we split up, it was pretty much final, rather than hanging on to a lost relationship.
Ahh I see. Can totally understand that. I guess then, my signature might resonate? An assumption on my part of course. It sounds like you're quite, romance-fuelled (romantic)?

Adding: I think you've done extremely well Peter. Do you feel you are completely free of limerence?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Jilted by LO Six Months Ago, Still Recovering

Post by peter.rabbit »

L-F wrote: Sun Jan 30, 2022 7:28 am Adding: I think you've done extremely well Peter. Do you feel you are completely free of limerence?
No, the emotional roller coaster symptoms are much less, due to NC, but I still have the urge to reach out to her, as she is going through tough times with her husband's terminal cancer, and running her dog rescue business single-handedly.

I feel like I'm not being much of a friend...
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
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