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How to stay friends with LO?

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handypanda
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2022 3:04 am
United States of America

How to stay friends with LO?

Post by handypanda »

I just had the realization that I am a limerent! Suddenly so many things in my life make sense, almost every relationship i've had fits limerence to a T. So now i have a problem. Because before I understood that my compulsive thoughts about my LO were not cute and fun but actually pathological I took 3 out of 4 of my grad school classes with them. The problem is that I think my LO is super cool (obviously) but think if I didn't have compulsive thoughts about them and a fierce need to be validated by them, that we could be good friends. He has connected me with a lot of cool things going on in the city and also is a supportive friend and helpful classmate. I wish I could just feel normal toward them and stop obsessively thinking about them, seeking them out all the time, feeling crushed when i dont get their attention, and having trouble seeking out other relationships bc im so into them. I know that people advocate for no contact, this is an addiction after all, I accept I may have to ease off of our after class lunches and commutes and maybe not go to every one of his concerts and invite him to all my shows. But could there be a way that I can strike a balance? Anyone have successful stories about this? let me know. I'd love a trick aside from shutting him out of my life completely which feels way to drastic and probably not possible.
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: How to stay friends with LO?

Post by David »

In a short answer no there is no way you can remain friends with your LO.

Some people report that the Limerence after some periods of time fades and that they can have a continued friendship with that LO however I’m sceptical about this.

My own clinical experience points to parallels with any other addiction where you cannot continue using what it is you’ve used. It’s like an alcoholic trying to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. It just doesn’t work.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news however no point beating about the bush with Limerence
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
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