I'm not a psychologist, and have always been far too self-absorbed to think about what an LO's life is like. At this point it's detached information for my own education. (Two of my former LOs are married). Plus the divorce rate kind of speaks for itself IMO.mycorona wrote: ↑Wed Jan 27, 2021 1:19 pm Thanks for your input Jupiter.
I do think there is something in my original post that makes sense - at least to me. Glad it made you think about things. We all become good "psychologists" while trying to find out what our LOs lives are like by trying to read their minds!!! And if we're shrewd enough, we can see things there.....
I remember another situation where after I'd found this forum, there was chemistry between I and a new guy at my new job. He had a girlfriend and hid the fact for some time, but something didn't seem right about the situation so I'd kind of walled him out.
Turned out after meeting her at a party where she talked nonstop from the time they got there until they left, and bragging about being in charge of recent decisions he'd made, that she wore the pants.
There are people in situations like this, and it's nobody's responsibility but themselves. I say that too as someone who has been in and out of trauma bonds. It's nobody's responsibility but mine.
Especially after losing my family and what little I had of a support network after leaving my home state, I've had to understand that if someone is not with you and worse, they're with someone else, it doesn't mean anything. If someone wanted to be with you they would.
Also, I've always been pretty choosey regarding relationships, and even though I tend to think most people do fall in love with their partners, I'd have no respect for the idea of staying with someone until someone better comes along, or settling in major ways.
The fact that much of my family appeared to have done this, and treated their spouses so terribly behind their backs, has really skewed my idea of trust in relationships. I do not feel any hope that I will find someone and I'm okay with that.
I will never date a divorced person with kids, probably would never date a straight person again, and therefore whatever vague feelings I had for that guy twenty-something years ago, are pretty meaningless, aside from that I need to start showing myself the care that he a few times showed me.
Why can't I give it to myself? Why is it still not enough? IDK...