Should I Masturbate to my LO?

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AMA210
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by AMA210 »

Hi and welcome to the forum.
Your post was very honest and it can be very beneficial to be part of this forum.

I wanted to congratulate you on the 5 weeks of no contact. This is very difficult to attain when in full blown limerence. So, I give you a lot of credit for attempting it and being successful. Since you recognize that both the limerence and the pornography use have become issues that are interfering with your life, that is a bold, first step. Also, I feel that you have the determination to conquer this and I have no doubt that you will do just that!

I believe that overcoming limerence (or any other addiction) is often a slow process. It's very back and forth progress - like one step forward and then two steps back. This, in itself, can be very discouraging, but we must always remember that every step counts, no matter how small we think it is!

All the best to you.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
Zsababy
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by Zsababy »

Wow, your limerant choice sounds a lot like mine; somewhat famous musician, other side of the world & wanting to impress them. While I hardly have a hope in hell, I have no idea how close you might be to being in her league. I personally am struggling to think of them as my muse (I write & am an overall creative dabbler/artist) and try to do what has been done for time immemorial: channel my sexual & romantic energy into creative pursuits. It's tough though when fantasy thoughts just take over and are such an immediate gratification. But I don't think it's a bad approach: you're probably going to have these feelings till they burn out (that happens with me) so why not direct it in a productive way? I can really relate to the idea of wanting to impress your LO artistically and yet the fantasies distract from being genuinely productive.

Regarding masturbation, give yourself permission to have the urges you're going to have about this person. Sometimes I feel that masturbating to thoughts of my LO is a safety valve that releases tension so I don't do something humiliating like try to contact and flirt with them when there is no chance in hell that they would go out with me. (Being bipolar is a big part of it)

My current strategy is to allow myself the fantasies while repeatedly doing reality checks and reminding myself that fantasies are nice but they are just fantasies. That fantasies are normal but not to go down the rabbit hole of delusion. It's very,very tough but I can really relate
Zsababy
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by Zsababy »

Btw, feel free to talk to me any time about this. I'm looking to talk to people who have similar issues. I think our situations may be similar. I know my productivity has taken a real nosedive because of this.
David
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by David »

Hi cowiteh

Im active on the membership only forums

Hope to see yoi there some time soon

David
Purchase the 20 part video series on overcoming limerence for just $49 - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Significant other
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by Significant other »

Welcome Cowiteh 774: I am going to make a brief summary of Freud's drive economic theory. Desires arise from our unconscious and these produce impulses. They charge our psyche with energy. Energy that has to be released. To remove it, the Self (border between the interior and the exterior), has three ways: 1-Sublimation: Partial discharge, either direct on the desired object (for example, sex) or displaced to another site (sexual drive displaced towards culture, sport, leisure, religion, etc...) 2-Repression: It is as if a valve was closed to prevent discharge. Then the energy returns inward, accumulating more and more, moving on to the next... 3-Production of Ghosts (fantasies, coming from unresolved childhood fears). 2 and 3, as a result produce a failed discharge, the so-called neurotic symptoms. ....... Do not repress your desires / impulses. The discharge is partial and temporary, the energy returns, the impulses return, again and again. Don't beat yourself up. You're not going to fall in love with a photo, it's just a stimulus, a substitute. .... Like OCDlimerent, without reciprocity (without knowing you) I don't think it's exactly limerence. It's just fantasy.
L-F
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by L-F »

Significant other wrote: Mon Feb 14, 2022 6:10 pm I don't think it's exactly limerence. It's just fantasy.
And yet, limerence is just a fantasy.
Nor does it need to be reciprocated.
Its idolising another human (or non-human) with the perception reciprocation exists (and in most cases it doesn't exist even if physically intimate with ones LO).
It's obsessive.
It's intrusive.
It interferes with everyday life.


A lot of people assume limerence goes both ways, or at least, that's what the limerent wants to believe. Limerence does not equate to having an affair.

Unless the other person admits to being pained by limerent thoughts, it's more likely they are just enjoying the ride (ie, free sex, or ego strokes). But it does not mean they are obsessively thinking about the LS.

It's mental chatter in one's own head. Reciprocation is a part of the limerent fantasy (that the limerent desperately wants to be desired the same way they desire their LO).

Sorry for bursting bubbles! Happy to read research that says otherwise.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
Zsababy
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by Zsababy »

L-F wrote: Mon Feb 14, 2022 7:19 pm
Significant other wrote: Mon Feb 14, 2022 6:10 pm I don't think it's exactly limerence. It's just fantasy.
And yet, limerence is just a fantasy.
Nor does it need to be reciprocated.
Its idolising another human (or non-human) with the perception reciprocation exists (and in most cases it doesn't exist even if physically intimate with ones LO).
It's obsessive.
It's intrusive.
It interferes with everyday lI've.
Agree with this big-time. I thought one of the defining characteristics was that the LO is not interested or available or is at least emotionally unavailable.

But yes, the part about obsessive, intrusive & interfering with daily life is the big part. The intrusive thoughts are a real problem & I totally get what the OP is saying about not wanting to practice music. That's a huge problem for a musician! So yes, it may only be a fantasy, but it's a massively disruptive one.
peter.rabbit
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by peter.rabbit »

cowiteh774 wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 6:02 am Should I Masturbate to my LO?
If you are actually Limerent and want to get out from under that burden, I would say that masturbating to images of her would be like trying to put out a brush fire with a bucket of gasoline. However, if you are just a normal guy that has attraction & feelings for a woman, then I see no problem. That said, I'm not so sure that I know what "normal" is, having been Limerent all my life. <shrugs>
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
BarbedWireGarden
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by BarbedWireGarden »

Cowiteh774 I can really relate to a lot of things you said. I am a musician as well and so is my LO. I have been limerent for her since the end of 2015. I am also trying to abstain from looking at her pictures on social media. I have also been having the problem of being unable to practice lately. I try not to indulge myself in fantasies of becoming a successful musician to impress my LO. I have a lot of guilt because I have a wife who I love but I can’t shake my limerence. Music can become a problem because a lot of music triggers my limerence.
Aaronarw
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Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by Aaronarw »

Hey guys, I am back on here. Have had 3 LE, all different except in the feelings awakened. Anyway this has been the worst yet. Basically feel like I'm shoveling coals every waking minute tryin to get closer to them, somehow.
Also a musician. She has inspired me greatly at times. Some lyrics came with this damn stomach ache tonight. 4 AM just bangin out scenarios. Anyway the inspiration is hard to come by with all the depression and holplessness, more often..
So yeah I felt a few things you said, to say the least. Added one of you and will others. Think talking about it with you guys might help. This constant burning is just killing me..
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