Please comment on my story

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Alexgal
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 24, 2022 10:51 pm
Canada

Please comment on my story

Post by Alexgal »

I was renting a house with a friend which is single. My wife is a very good and loyal person and I love her very much. We have a daughter 8yo. I went for a trip to my parents house for 10days and took my daughter with me. When I came back my friend told me that he genuinely have warm feelings for my wife and that nothing happened while I was away and that we, me and my wife have to move out. I started to look for a place. Later same evening (now I know what happened as my wife told me) he stopped her and kissed her. And all started from there. And then after a 2 week he pushed her in his room and they had sex. After that 5 days she was crying every morning, he was trying to calm her down and I was having a lots of overtimes - sods law. She was so devastating and lost weight in this 5 days. I was always telling my 'friend' that I have 100% trust in her. On 5th day I called her and she in tears came to me at my work and asked to forgive her. I was in shock. We decided to move out to a hotel. Home when he found out that she is leaving him he became aggressive and violent. Called her bad words like prostitute, whore bitch and so on. And was provoking me for a fight all the time. I kept calm. Wife went into panic and could not breath. I called ambulance. Ambulance medics called the police because he was aggressive with them as well. Ok we moved to hotel. Stayed for a week and the moved to a flat. All this time she confessed to me about everything. I was mad for sex this 3 weeks. It was every day sometimes twice a day. Too intensive for her but she didn't say anything. 3 weeks only to find that they were calling and texting each other. I looked on calls records without intention. That was even bigger shock. They even met and this idiot kissed her. I confronted her threatened a divorce. We sent him a farewell message from her phone and at the moment she has 2 week of no contact. You can not imagine how i feel about all this crap that came on my life. Next step I want to go to a therapist with her. She is saying that has a fight inside her. She wants to be in the family but can't get him out of her head. All the reasoning that he is manipulating her doesn't work. Please give me your thoughts what on earth is going on?
JupiterTaco
Posts: 4923
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Please comment on my story

Post by JupiterTaco »

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. My words of advice are; make sure that's over. Limerent people tend to relapse just like any other addict. Read around the forum, it's full of good information. If counseling I recommend individual and couples counseling but ensure they're well-versed in these issues. Really keep track of your wife acknowledging her role in this. It can take time but needs to be done. I hope this helps!
"Yeah, he's right here. It's Beth. Who's Beth?" Tiffany, Road Trip
L-F
Posts: 3685
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Please comment on my story

Post by L-F »

Welcome to the forum Alexgal. Sorry to read about your situation. I second what JT has shared. I don't know what's going on because it sounds complicated. Good to read you want to go to a therapist with your wife. That sounds like a good idea.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
Alexgal
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue May 24, 2022 10:51 pm
Canada

Re: Please comment on my story

Post by Alexgal »

Thanks for your inputs.
Would you forgive your lover if you would be called really bad words? Just because you have a different opinion. She can't hear this argument?

The good news is we booked a session on Thursday. They are going to use Brainworking Recursive Therapy know as BWRT. As a beginning they will use something else. All I want her to unload the emotional burden she have. Has anybody tried any therapies with success? Or know of any friends who has?
8675309
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 11:59 pm
Brazil

Re: Please comment on my story

Post by 8675309 »

Sorry what you're going through. You're best option is to divorce her. Otherwise you won't forget what she did and you'll always be in a state of anger/paranoia. It's going to be a bad environment for your daughter.

Seen this happen too many times with family and friends. They decided to stay and the marriage still ended many years later. Their biggest regret was not leaving sooner.
Zsababy
Posts: 147
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Please comment on my story

Post by Zsababy »

I've never been married but this doesn't sound like it will end well. I'm really shocked at the dysfunction in your wife's affair. If he pushed her into his room, literally, I would call that rape. If he verbally abused her and provoked you into a fight and she *still* is attracted to him and wants to see him...yikes. She seems like she's got issues. I obviously don't know her nor her past but my first impression here is of trauma bonding, which means that she is attracted to abusive men because she has been abused.

Either way, you can't fix her or rescue her. She has to do that for herself.

If it were me, I'd file for divorce. This is just a big mess beyond a quiet affair on the side. This is major drama that I would run far away from. I do understand that having a child makes you think twice, but it's not good for kids to be around a terrible marriage. Kids can survive a divorce. It's probably better than ongoing drama and strife.
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