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Multiple LO's at the same time? Is that possible?

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StillLimerent
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2022 7:52 am
United States of America

Multiple LO's at the same time? Is that possible?

Post by StillLimerent »

Hello everyone...

I've been in shock for at least 2 weeks now. And the reason it that I am still very limerent for my current LO, and I have been limerent for that LO for over 3 years.
However, I noticed that I'm starting to getting attached to someone else, while my feelings for current LO remain the same. It's a very recent development, maybe just 2-4 weeks. But it keeps getting stronger.. All the signs that this new person is also becoming my LO are here. I now have intrusive thoughts about that person on top of having intrusive thoughts about my existing LO.

I am becoming limerent for another person even though I am still very limerent for my current LO. I've never had such a thing before. I had many LO's in my life, but they were one at a time, feelings for one LO would stop before the feelings for another LO would start.

But now...

I am really not sure what to do. I can't just cut off contacts with this new person. It's work related. And we've been friends for quite a while now. And I've already cut off a lot of things with my current LO as it's also work related, and I can't keep cutting off things or change my workplaces.

Has anyone ever experienced such a thing when you have an LO and it's strong, but then the brain is trying to get another LO into the game? Please help.. Any opinions, experiences are welcome. I am so devastated and I seem don't have much power over my own brain..
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Multiple LO's at the same time? Is that possible?

Post by L-F »

That sounds confusing, and painful StillLimerent. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I've not had to deal with two at the same time. Going by your past posts it sounds like you have a grip on 'limerence' though having an understanding of what limerence is doesn't take away the constant thoughts. But. Are you able to distract yourself from those thoughts? Replace them with rational ones?
You first have to notice limerent thoughts before you can override them with other thoughts. Just a suggestion that may help??

Perhaps it's not so much about cutting things off as opposed to being more aware of what's going through your brain? What we think about influences how we feel (there are a lot of articles and research on this).

As for my experience, I did the above. I started noticing my daydreams and reminding myself they were limerent thoughts that I needed to rein in. Acted like a mother encouraging her child to take a different approach. Once I started to master the awareness of limerent thought (daydream), I was able to tell myself "ahh, here we go again with the storytelling"... I would simply laugh and say to myself that my thoughts weren't true. Truth hurts right? Anyway, telling myself my thoughts weren't true was enough of a shakeup (wakeup?) to snap me out of the storytelling. After that I distracted myself with an activity and before long trained myself like Pavlov's dogs. In short, my brain soon realised there was no reward coming (no dopamine) because rationality would kick my limerent butt.

Keep us updated with your situation. Again, sorry you are going through this.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Multiple LO's at the same time? Is that possible?

Post by L-F »

Just adding (talking to myself really)...
I've always thought feelings were 100% accurate, and I guess they are given they follow on from what we think about, thus if the thought is off-kilter, the feelings will also be being off-kilter. But limerence is its own kettle of fish. What exactly are we sensing?

Intuition on the other hand, and only IMO, comes before thought. Where you sense something without giving it any thought. And this is where I question if limerence is somewhere in between thought and the act of sensing. It would be interesting having a neurological study done to see if thought follows feeling or feeling follows thought when it comes to limerence.

For me, I was able to talk myself out of feeling anything even though I didn't believe what I was saying at the time. Mind over matter?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Multiple LO's at the same time? Is that possible?

Post by JupiterTaco »

At the same time that I was badly limerent for fifth LO eight years ago, I realized I also had feelings for my closest friends. Both oppposite genders. It came from the same feeling of need after my grandmother died. But my friend was married and I wanted her marriage to work out even though they had problems.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
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