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Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

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Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by Zsababy »

Ok, that's an intense topic title & I'll bet no one responds. But I'm beginning to think there is some emotional masochism to this thing. Apart from desiring a charming, charismatic person, I feel sometimes like it's a way of feeling self-loathing. I look at the picture of the woman I assume he's seeing & I feel ugly. Why do I do this?

This is a sad, lame kind of masochism. Any other masochists out there like me? Does what I'm saying make sense?
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by L-F »

Yeah I've long had views on limerence being somewhat masochistic. Torturing ourselves over something we desire but can not have, instead of focussing on what we do have. Have written a bit about how and why I came to that conclusion, but, like all things, one moves on to other theories. Anyway, just wanted to say 'I hear ya'.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by IvB »

Indeed. As if my life was dull without some suffering.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by Zsababy »

This is really old but I'm feeling ugly because of the beautiful women he can get. I wish I could stop this.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by JupiterTaco »

I think for myself I was so used to dynamics where I was not actually accepted and loved in a healthy way, that it's still a struggle to remind myself that it doesn't work just because it's what I've always been used to. Don't know if that's the same thing.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by Zsababy »

Well, I'm in a relationship in which my boyfriend is always complimenting me, so I should be happy with that. It's that yesterday I saw a hideous photo of me & it depressed me. I just look bad in photos hence I avoid them at all costs.

I've been with this BF for 13 years, and once in a blue moon I get hit on when I'm dressed nice. So I should accept things & be happy. I just have a big complex about it. There are so many attractive women on social media. I'm doing the teenage self-esteem trip. I just need to force myself to stop
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by JupiterTaco »

Zsababy wrote: Sun Oct 02, 2022 12:43 am Well, I'm in a relationship in which my boyfriend is always complimenting me, so I should be happy with that. It's that yesterday I saw a hideous photo of me & it depressed me. I just look bad in photos hence I avoid them at all costs.

I've been with this BF for 13 years, and once in a blue moon I get hit on when I'm dressed nice. So I should accept things & be happy. I just have a big complex about it. There are so many attractive women on social media. I'm doing the teenage self-esteem trip. I just need to force myself to stop
I can relate to some of that, Zsababy. I feel I look horrible in photos so also rarely take them. When I want a new one, it's lots of trying to get one I like. I have gotten hit on over the years, but when it doesn't come across as sleasy, I always assumed and probably still do, that it's because someone thinks I'm an easy target or they're just bored or they have some other negative reason for choosing me that has nothing to do with actually wanting me or something.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by JupiterTaco »

Also, that may have reflected low self-esteem in the past but not anymore despite how it may sound. I think these days it's because it's so likely to be my relationship dynamics that I still believe it to be true even if I think I deserve better and am working on convincing myself I deserve better than some things I attract.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by Zsababy »

Aww, that's kinda sad, JT. Be nice to yourself
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Do you feel you use unatainabilty to hate yourself?

Post by JupiterTaco »

Zsababy wrote: Mon Oct 10, 2022 3:53 am Aww, that's kinda sad, JT. Be nice to yourself
Be nice to yourself too. It doesn't always matter if on the surface someone appears to treat you right. If there is anything below the surface going on that makes the relationship more of a struggle, then obviously that might bother you. My most recent ex can be a very kind soul when he wants but that doesn't erase that his insane neediness, which could be a simple incompatibility to me, but instead is a massive dealbreaker because like everybody else in my life, he can't honor my boundaries around phone calls and numerous other things and has never listened when I tried to talk to him about it. So it depends on how the relationship as a whole makes one feel I think.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
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