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Kaizercrazy
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
United States of America

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Post by Kaizercrazy »

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Last edited by Kaizercrazy on Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by L-F »

Kaizercrazy wrote: Sun Nov 27, 2022 5:31 am Whatever level of narcissism is at play with me, it seems far less manipulative and destructive than hers.
It's less about the 'manipulative' or 'destructive' behavior (we all behave poorly from time to time) and more about the 'false-self'. The more authentic we learn to be, the easier our choices *throws hands in the air* I'm only guessing.

Given how she is responding, what strategies have you thought about? How would you respond to a manipulative or destructive neighbor or work colleague, for example?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by Zsababy »

L-F wrote: Sun Nov 27, 2022 4:07 am
Kaizercrazy wrote: Sun Nov 27, 2022 2:45 am I wish I could just view her as the narcissistic child that she's already proven herself to be.
Maybe it's your narcissistic child that's attracted to her??? Check out the vid David posted with Sam Vaknin. At any rate, you're not alone with these feelings. I'm sure many can relate to what you've shared.
Yeah, I'm with LF on this one. This may sound harsh or judgy, but if you look at people as trophies to boost your ego, you're probably going to attract people who like to feel powerful and also use people for their ego gratification. If you want to stop fixating on her, you might want to rethink your priorities. You've very plainly stated what they are and they totally fall in line with her mentality of wanting to be chased (as far as I can tell, by what you say but otoh I really have no idea what's going through her head.)

We all want to feel confident but when you use people for it, you're probably going to attract a mirror image of that.
Perhaps you feel insecure and need to boost your confidence in other ways, like through your art or music. And do those things just to enjoy the process, not out of competitiveness. I used to be very fixated on being successful and being perfect. I was in an academic environment that emphasized it. (Maybe your environment pushes the values of getting The Hot Chick or whatever...)

My friend once told me that I had a need to be superior, and it was totally true. I think I was compensating for the fact that I felt inadequate compared to all of the creative & talented people in SF It took me a long time to just feel comfortable in my skin and do things just for the sake of loving the process and not winning points for coolness.

Do you have any issues about your looks or do you think you just have a goal of Scoring With the Hot Chick for points. That sounds harsh, but it's basically what you've admitted.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by Zsababy »

I meant scoring for points among your peers; maybe they size guys up by who they can get, not by who they choose.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by L-F »

Whatever you do Zaisercrazy, don't beat yourself up. Limerents in general can relate to what you're going thru. it's up to you what you do. False self, real self, who knows. Who knows what we are capable of. Just watched The Stanford Prison Experiment, goes to show it's all dependent on our environment. Perhaps look at your environment? Make sure you're not alone with LO? Perhaps? I'm sure you'll work it out. all the best for whatever she throws at you
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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