BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

Death Blow

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Post Reply
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 12:01 pm Hmmm. Your situation is a real stumper. I'm interested in the fact that the childhood feeling is the same as the adult one. Perhaps it might help to elaborate & explore that (?)

I'm slightly confused though. Does that mean that your adult limerances are nonsexual? Pardon any redundancy on my part; it's 4am & I'm insomniac
The feeling then is as it is in adulthood. Longing for reciprocation, ruminating thoughts, massive attraction. All the hallmarks of limerence.

As a child, I wanted physical affection of some sort. Touching, kiss on the lips, hugs or something. As an adult, the same except adding the desire more specific intimate sexual relations. So, both childhood and adulthood are pretty much the same save the knowledge of more adult means of affection now that I wasn't aware of as a six year-old. Both would be sexual, though.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by L-F »

Hi Nick
I'm curious to know if you received plenty of physical affection from family? Or if your need for affection was about getting affection from your teacher? general physical need vs person focused need.
NickMarone wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 3:37 pm As a child, I wanted physical affection of some sort. Touching, kiss on the lips, hugs or something.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

L-F wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 6:13 pm Hi Nick
I'm curious to know if you received plenty of physical affection from family? Or if your need for affection was about getting affection from your teacher? general physical need vs person focused need.
NickMarone wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 3:37 pm As a child, I wanted physical affection of some sort. Touching, kiss on the lips, hugs or something.
I did get plenty of physical affection from my mother and father (to a degree). What was going on with the teacher wasn't paternal affection it was romantic longing for sexual-type contact. They might be related, but in my mind, as someone who lived it, the longing for something "physical" from the teacher was things like kissing on the lips or what would be intimate touching in a romantic sense as well as I knew it at the time. I mean it didn't happen, but that was the desire on my end.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by JupiterTaco »

NickMarone wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 6:05 pm
L-F wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 6:13 pm Hi Nick
I'm curious to know if you received plenty of physical affection from family? Or if your need for affection was about getting affection from your teacher? general physical need vs person focused need.
NickMarone wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 3:37 pm As a child, I wanted physical affection of some sort. Touching, kiss on the lips, hugs or something.
I did get plenty of physical affection from my mother and father (to a degree). What was going on with the teacher wasn't paternal affection it was romantic longing for sexual-type contact. They might be related, but in my mind, as someone who lived it, the longing for something "physical" from the teacher was things like kissing on the lips or what would be intimate touching in a romantic sense as well as I knew it at the time. I mean it didn't happen, but that was the desire on my end.

Nick
Do you think that was just a cover, the sexual attraction? That ultimately it led to some type of need for an adult to set appropriate boundaries and keep you safe so to speak?
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

JupiterTaco wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 6:48 pm
NickMarone wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 6:05 pm
L-F wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 6:13 pm Hi Nick
I'm curious to know if you received plenty of physical affection from family? Or if your need for affection was about getting affection from your teacher? general physical need vs person focused need.

I did get plenty of physical affection from my mother and father (to a degree). What was going on with the teacher wasn't paternal affection it was romantic longing for sexual-type contact. They might be related, but in my mind, as someone who lived it, the longing for something "physical" from the teacher was things like kissing on the lips or what would be intimate touching in a romantic sense as well as I knew it at the time. I mean it didn't happen, but that was the desire on my end.

Nick
Do you think that was just a cover, the sexual attraction? That ultimately it led to some type of need for an adult to set appropriate boundaries and keep you safe so to speak?
No, I don't think so. The sexual attraction and the pattern of the whole thing has repeated all my life. The feelings are pretty much the same with current LO although I'm now a (fully functioning, yeah right!) adult. There wasn't insecurity, just desire. I do admit the early onset limerence as a child is not something I've heard about, and I don't think others have either. It's something unique for sure.

Nick
Last edited by NickMarone on Thu Dec 01, 2022 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

So it seems my doctor is EMDR specialist and has recommended an advanced version of this for me. I'm kind of excited to try something different on my depression and limerent sufferings. She's pretty confident that it will help.

Also, I had a two hour session today and made some definite breakthroughs and got some insight. Probably the best session I've had since undergoing therapy at age 22.

She was intrigued with the whole Grade Two teacher thing but seemed to think it was the start of a pattern that has played out to today in similar forms over the years.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

I'm kind of surprised my therapist didn't really have any major reaction into the whole concept of being limerent for a teacher as a six-year old. I'll have to press her on this next session just to see what she thinks. Not that it is something I think about too much right now (way too consumed about current LE), but it seems to be something that doesn't fit the traditional limerent profile.

BTW, my therapist wasn't too familiar with limerence the word. She sure gets the concept of it and really has a good understanding of my issues outside of actually labelling and using the term. Most things she said and advised were eerily similar to the good advice found on these boards in the articles and forum, for example. She said she'd explore the actual research and literature and read up on it.

For such an important and powerful topic/condition (at least for some), it is odd that there's so little formal understanding of this. There's a bit of a hole of knowledge or real academic study on limerence. Grief, attachment theory, unrequited love, obsessive love, addiction, etc., are all closely related to limerence but don't quite "hit the nail on the head" of what true limerence actually entails.

My doctor used the term "crushing" a lot which is sort of slang for it but the fact that I told her there was actually a fairly accepted, though mostly unknown, condition called limerence was new to her. It would be nice if there was a clear-cut diagnosis someone could get. That would lead to therapists who could specialize in the condition, possibly drugs that could combat limerence and that type of thing. As long as it is sort of barely a pop culture/internet phenomenon and not a medical one that sort of limits the possibilities.

I'm sure some of the medication cocktail I'm on for treatment-resistant, chronic depression do help the limerence symptoms (methylphenidate, Prozac, clonazepam, Abilify) although Abilify can contribute to gambling addiction and hypersexuality which kind of sound like it might have properties that might add to limerence and not fight it. I'm going to do EMDR and possibly will run the idea of taking a NAC substance by my doctor, which seems to have anti-limerence effects. Ketamine is also an option.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

This just occurred to me, and I don't know if it is really all that healthy, but has anyone found really actively disliking your LO internally a strategy for getting over limerence? It seems I have sort of naturally used this to get over past LE's. Really resenting the LO for messing up your life, and how better things would be if you never would have met them and blaming them for your misery. Sort of pretending (or realizing!) that it's their fault you're in this mess and really concentrating on building an active contempt for everything about them.

Sounds a bit harsh (especially if the LO is literally an innocent bystander) and I've only done this subconsciously and always after a NC stance. So, I never let the LO know or act on any of these negative feelings or show them any anger in reality, this being an entirely internal thing. It does seem to help, maybe similar to focusing on the flaws of your LO and taking them off the limerent pedestal, that this built-up resentment can break the limerent spell, so to speak.

Again, the key is that this "work" is done in private, and any feelings of dislike are not acted upon or revealed. Preferably, after NC. It might also help motivate the whole NC stance if and when that seems to wane. The downside is I've actually had to work through some forgiveness issues as I've taken that resentment and let it build up inside of me to where that is a problem in of itself.

I guess it is using that concept of the thin line between love/hate to your advantage by playing on one's own hurt feelings and projecting it onto LO as the root cause of the hurt, even if that's not the reality.

Does go against the Christian concept of hating your neighbor being equivalent to murder in the eyes of God according to the teachings of Christ. So maybe not a moral strategy.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

I don't think actively disliking your LO is a healthy - sounding strategy. It sounds too close to resenting them for not reciprocating your feelings. I don't think anger is the way to go; this is a repeated pattern anyway, so you might as well look for ways to manage the problem.

I am a repeated limerant, all my life & it intertwines with my bipolar condition; the hypersexuality and euphoria go hand in hand. I'm working on it; meds help, and so does coming here. It helps me keep it under control as I'm giving myself regular reality-checks.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Wed Dec 07, 2022 7:58 am I don't think actively disliking your LO is a healthy - sounding strategy. It sounds too close to resenting them for not reciprocating your feelings. I don't think anger is the way to go; this is a repeated pattern anyway, so you might as well look for ways to manage the problem.

I am a repeated limerant, all my life & it intertwines with my bipolar condition; the hypersexuality and euphoria go hand in hand. I'm working on it; meds help, and so does coming here. It helps me keep it under control as I'm giving myself regular reality-checks.
I really think this anger thing might have some merit. One of my past LO's I was in a relationship with and believe me, there was a lot of resentment when she dumped me along with residual anger, etc., In retrospect, it was the bitterness that sort of got me through the limerence and the heartache.

I got madder and madder. This overwhelmed any positive memories or love we shared (and limerence).



As far as current LO and stirring up that contempt:

LO is living their best life, young and carefree and in a great relationship with SO and family and probably a few guys on the side which she's stringing along. Me, I'm way down, time is running out, ruminating and barely hanging on my own.

LO really couldn't care less if I lived or died--barely a casual acquaintance. Me, I hang on every word she says and then replay it in my mind over and over.

Before LO, I was fairly content and stable. Now I'm an emotional mess with limerence and longing tearing me apart.

Before LO, I liked my job. Now every day is filled with tension and anxiety.

I think about my LO 95% of the time, at the exclusion of other things that should be important to me. I might cross LO's mind if I'm actually in their physical presence and they are really bored.

LO is gliding along life, everything is peach fuzz, lollipops, and sunshine. I'm in the depths of a chronic, life long depression.

I rehearse every conversation long before it actually happens. LO might say "hi" if she's in the mood.

I worship the ground she walks and I want her badly. She thinks I'm a "nice guy" and considers me a "friend".

I'm not totally serious here, but if one cannot feel some resentment/anger/contempt toward the LO... There's lots of ammunition.

And can your mind really be head over heels in love with someone you hold actually hold in such contempt? It has to be one or the other. The dissonance of that concept might drive the limerence right out of you. Diametrically opposed extreme emotions, you'd think, can't simultaneously exist.

Am I really out to lunch on this idea, or a bad person for even having such thoughts?

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 19 guests