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Groomed to be limerent

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Groomed to be limerent

Post by L-F »

Just a thought... Some here may have been groomed to fall limerent.

I would say a majority (if not all) of older males in authority hook their victims this way. In other words, they knowingly abuse their power. All they need to do is look for someone with daddy issues and make them feel special. Of course, they are not special to LO, not when you consider they are likely to have several victims on the go at the same time.

How can you tell if you're being lured in? Ask yourself if they have strong ethical boundaries. If they do, then LO may be innocent. There have been cases on here where those in authority were not aware of a student's/client's desire, in short, they didn't cross those boundaries that ALL have when in positions of power.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by Zsababy »

I'd say I was, although I think I noticed my LO before he noticed me, but he stared back and invited me to be part of his "time out" room aka detention room. I was his 'assistant" lol. As I've talked about before, he was a teaching assistant at my high school, around 26 or so and I was a very immature 16 or 17 and yes, I had daddy issues but he had no way of knowing that. I was told that he hit on young girls constantly, so odds are, sooner or later, he'd get one that would bite. (He tried to kiss my friend's sister) He liked 'em young and apparently that's how he lost his job & marriage. He later married a 15 year old that he got pregnant. He was also a flaming mess with a million red flags but I was very impressionable and had zero experience with guys.
I was a weirdo with no social skills,but kinda cute, but not on the top of his list and he had an oblique way of letting me know it. He needed an audience for his personal soap opera & I was so naive, I thought it was all very romantic. He'd confide in me about how he was pursuing a woman (an actual adult, I even met her at a show) but my guess is that once she found out his true colors, she ran far away. He would also tell me of his divorce, how his wife called him a pedophile, yada yada yada...I was his therapist & confidant just like I was with my mom. I thought I was so special. But truth be told, I was just an easy mark,so socially insecure & having grown up gawky, very much in need of validation.
So yeah, that was my first romantic & sexual experience and it definitely set the stage for a lifetime of limerance. I learned to think that pining away for someone was romantic, that crumbs were better than nothing, and that longing could feel very sexual.

Yep, that's it!
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by Zsababy »

There is a movie called "Art School for Girls" that completely nails the whole "feeling special" thing. You think no one else is with them because only you are chosen by him, but it's the reverse- everyone is rejecting *them* because they can tell he's a creep from a mile away. They end up "choosing" you because you're the only one who doesn't know any better.

I do believe these guys really do have a fetish for young girls as much as needing a blank slate of a girl to manipulate and especially to adore them. I adored him- he was a musician and an artist and was very political. The thing is, he greatly shaped my teen years because I was pretty isolated. I had friends but didn't go out much. And my best friend also had a fling with a teaching assistant and also had daddy stuff ( her dad died, whereas my undiagnosed likely-bipolar dad walked out on my family when we had just moved to a new town. I believe he was suicidal after spending all our money)
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by Zsababy »

Oops, I meant these guys need the adoration that comes from a young girl with puppy love
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by L-F »

Oh gosh Zsababy, I have to ask, were you angry when you discovered you were groomed? I completely get the whole forlorn teenager yearning for romance and to be the chosen one. But doesn't it make you angry you were a pawn piece in someone else egotistical game? One that set you on the limerence path?

I agree with his wife about being a pedo. I can imagine him having imagines on his computer of underage girls. A very disturbed man who I hope is locked up.

Anyway, I posted as a warning more or less for any young limerent ladies who are being pursued by older males in positions of power.

One big massive warning sign is if you are told to keep the relationship secret and not be seen out in public. It doesn't matter if they say they'll lose their job, etc, so they should! That's also another big warning sign, them being aware of doing wrong because if they weren't they wouldn't fear the consequences of being seen together in public.

I have a strong dislike for these types of men. We had one such poster on here and I wouldn't let up on him. I never abused him but what I can say is, someone like that doesn't wake up easily to their sick games. And they are sick. He was her teacher and they were "in love" according to him and he was waiting for her to turn 18 even though the student's father told him to stay away from his daughter. They were destined to be together. I think he was in his 40s. His wife was far from happy, I wonder if they are still together, and I wonder if he lived happily ever after with his student.

No man should ever pursue an underaged girl.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by Zsababy »

Well, I didn't think of it as grooming as such though it kind of was. I mean boundary-shattering, but I was attracted to him first and after much interaction & letter-writing, I sent him a letter saying I wanted to sleep with him. I was 17. So I had an active part; it was not all passive. So it's complicated. And I was close to 18; I was just really naive and impressionable, some emotionally was underage, which is where the damage comes in.

He did make some date, then he didn't call me but I assumed it was on and went to his house. He said he hadn't confirmed, and was actually going out that night with someone else, but he initiated kissing me. Then after some time, I sent the letter. I pursued him, but I was just the one he got; he went for another teenager and married her due to pregnancy (which he blamed on her, he's a real piece of work)

I was more angry finding out he tried to choke his young wife (he later blurted that out) when they were fighting. He gave me one story, then gave me a completely different story another time. Of course, it was self-defense or some bullshit. I was horrified and furious.

But the pattern of him being only semi-interested & me being the confidante was part of a lifelong pattern of limerance.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by Zsababy »

I'd say it was more of an older, extremely sleazy, unethical & narcissistic (I know you hate that word, but it really applies here) man taking advantage of a hormonal teenager and leading on a young girl with a bad case of puppy love. A mature, ethical guy would not have encouraged it and they would know that students get crushes on teachers.

Other teaching assistants at our school had affairs with students and one molested much younger kids (touched them *in class*!! The whole class walked out and went to the principal's office. The school lost a million dollar lawsuit because they were negligent about this teacher; he was a very well- liked music teacher.
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by L-F »

Zsababy wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2023 2:35 pm I'd say it was more of an older, extremely sleazy, unethical & narcissistic (I know you hate that word, but it really applies here) man taking advantage of a hormonal teenager and leading on a young girl with a bad case of puppy love.
There are times when the word narcissist fits and this is one of them. I would say he is more than a narcissist (NPD). I would say he's a pathological lier, and wouldn't be surprised if slightly unhinged. to be honest, he'd need diagnosing. Guys like him makes me want to see in prison and loved loved loved up by other inmates.

The reason why I don't like the word N is because it is often used loosely much like the word stalking. We ought to save those words for courtrooms and psychiatrists.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by Zsababy »

L-F wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2023 7:43 pm There are times when the word narcissist fits and this is one of them. I would say he is more than a narcissist (NPD). I would say he's a pathological lier, and wouldn't be surprised if slightly unhinged. to be honest, he'd need diagnosing. Guys like him makes me want to see in prison and loved loved loved up by other inmates.

The reason why I don't like the word N is because it is often used loosely much like the word stalking. We ought to save those words for courtrooms and psychiatrists.
Yes, there are trends that come up in pop psychology where you read & hear about it everywhere and every third person is a sociopath, narcissist, borderline, spectrum disorder, or every time someone disagrees with you they're "gaslighting". Gaslighting is all over the place. (My former friend exaggerates, changes her stories & projects constantly & causes a lot of interpersonal problems & plays victim & sometimes just lies (dysfunction & trauma & bipolar and autism make it hard for her to act in a healthy way( but you can not reality-check her or else you're "gaslighting".

When a term gets popularized, context goes out the window & people make snap judgements & think it's insight.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Groomed to be limerent

Post by L-F »

Zsababy wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2023 9:03 pm Yes, there are trends that come up in pop psychology where you read & hear about it everywhere and every third person is a sociopath, narcissist, borderline, spectrum disorder, or every time someone disagrees with you they're "gaslighting". Gaslighting is all over the place. (My former friend exaggerates, changes her stories & projects constantly & causes a lot of interpersonal problems & plays victim & sometimes just lies (dysfunction & trauma & bipolar and autism make it hard for her to act in a healthy way( but you can not reality-check her or else you're "gaslighting".

When a term gets popularized, context goes out the window & people make snap judgements & think it's insight.
You're not wrong there!
So sad we can't have differing opinions without being told one is gaslighting when trying to create dialogue. Like who is gaslighting who? The person accused of gaslighting or the one making the accusation? Don't gaslighters make accusations? :-?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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