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Irony of LE

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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townshend
Posts: 1151
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
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Age: 28
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Irony of LE

Post by townshend »

What an irony of the limerent experience that we are so consumed by this affliction that we are unable to see what’s right in front of us while it’s happening.

Occasionally I remember moments when I would be in the break room (sometimes with others, sometimes alone) and LO would walk in and 1) If there were others he would not decide he wouldn’t sit with someone else 2) if I was alone he would bypass all the other seats and plop down directly across from me or right next to me.

Trying desperately to pretend I was over LE or that I didn’t care about LO or to be in control of my own feelings, I would literally stand up without a word and just leave him there.

To think…. If my circumstances were different, if I had a simple crush, even if I felt real unrequited love without the turbulent minefield of LE..

I could have at least said “Hi ____” instead of hoping if I acted rudely and willed the LE that it would actually work.

I could have shared more moments with him that would’ve just mattered a normal amount.

These moments could have instead been moments in which he made me laugh and he made me feel like the sun came out every time he smiled. And he would’ve felt real proud of himself everytime his jokes landed and whatever else I made him feel that made him keep coming back in the first place.
And we had plenty of moments like that sometimes I just remember all those times we could have had more that i or my Limerence ruined. Especially since the window I opportunity to be around him was limited. We could’ve just been two people who shared all these lighthearted moments of kidding around and innocent meaningless flirting and never doing anything about it and being okay with that.

But instead we get so afflicted by the illusions of LE that it’s all we’re wrapped up in. How ironic that the projection and amplification we manufacture clouds any positivity that inspired the spiral in the first place.

But yes sometimes I think about those times he did that and I reacted that way. Sometimes it’s incredible to me that I would panic and spiral convinced he hated me and was annoyed by me when I was too in a fog to know it wasn’t ever as bad as I imagined and even the opposite. But I don’t really say I wish I had reacted differently. I know why I did it then. I wanted out of LE and I tried everything, including being rude and ignoring and removing myself from his presence. I don’t fault myself for trying and his life certainly went on.

It’s all just so funny isn’t it?
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman
townshend
Posts: 1151
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
Gender:
Age: 28
United States of America

Re: Irony of LE

Post by townshend »

And yes I saw him yesterday, I was catching up with a former coworker. Noticed LO was somewhat behind me (also where my exit was) and pretended he wasn’t there. But he was listening to our convo and as he continued to walk away made a joke our way asking if I was coming back. My former coworker joked back he highly doubted it and LO responded “doubt it or highly doubt it?” as he was still walking and with his typical :D ;) face. I did not talk to him.

I’m glad I don’t work there anymore. I can never go back. Here I am making posts about him even when I’m this far into NC.

LE is truly just suffering. It’s just suffering. The hits don’t make up for anything because the absence that follows and the back and forth are just suffering.

It’s so wrong to make someone an LO, god forbid to subject them to any of our own LE.

And it’s so wrong for someone to carry on when they know you feel for them much more deeply than they could ever think to feel about you.

Lesson learned if someone loves you but you don’t love them, you shouldn’t take advantage of that because it feels nice to have someone love you.

LO never could have known the full extent of what I felt or was going through. And I was wrong for it. And at the same time he did/does know that I liked him. He knew I liked him and there’s no way he didn’t. He couldn’t have known the full extent but he knew it was more and longer than just a normal crush. He knew that.

I don’t know that there really was anything he really should have ever said or done because of that. I’m the responsible objectifying party here. But I think there’s things he should not have done. And I think he could’ve ignored and avoided me the way I tried to ignore and avoid him.

Just reminds me of this movie and this song:



No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Irony of LE

Post by L-F »

Years ago there was tons if talk about LOs playing cat & mouse games or running hot and cold. Your post highlights how it's both who play these games, which is spot on, LS are the ones who go hot/cold and send mixed messages. Don't feel bad about it, it's just what LS tend to do, and then blame LO for it. You are much farther down the limerent track and have more awareness which is evident by your posts.
Limerence sucks doesn't it?

I was no different to you, I would ignore LO because I didn't like the feels. I was never rude or disrespectful, just distracted by the heart/head battle so probably looked scared/vacant. Obviously there where times we talked but I was left more perplexed (limerent brain). It was LO who questioned why don't I allow myself to feel.

"Lesson learned if someone loves you but you don’t love them, you shouldn’t take advantage of that because it feels nice to have someone love you."

100%
The quickest way out of limerence is to become someone's LO. That sucks too!

Good progress Townsend
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
StillLimerent
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2022 7:52 am
United States of America

Re: Irony of LE

Post by StillLimerent »

This hot-cold treatment is so familiar to me too! I'm so guilty of that! :-)

My LO was behaving hot-cold, but I was too. Like L-F mentioned, I didn't like the feel and the heart/head battle I was experiencing. It was too much. Sometimes I thought that I was possibly my LO's LO because their behavior was like a mirror of mine. It was intense from both sides.

I think the fact that you didn't spend those moments of joy with your LO is actually good. Otherwise, you may have been even deeper in limerence, as communication with LOs feels like a drug to our brains and we get more and more addicted. Of course it may be a bit different for everyone, but I feel that my own hot-cold behavior technically protected me from getting closer to my LO. Even some great moments that I had with them were prolonging my limerence, and were bringing more pain after the initial high feeling...
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