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Disclosing: what I wished I knew

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L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by L-F »

I disclosed before finding this site, that I can't change.
Do I wish I hadn't disclosed? Absolutely.
Why?
Because limerence is where you objectify a person. This is a dehumanizing act.

A question to all fellow limerents here, "would you mind being objectified?" If someone you liked, or didn't like, objectified you and told you so, how would you feel? Empowered? Flattered? Disgusted?
???

I was extremely embarrassed and ashamed when I learned what limerence was and how I had naively given LO a heads up that LO was this 'thing' (not a human) to be drooled over because, for some reason, LO triggered my wounds.
Whew! That's a lot to take on!

Imagine learning as an LO (whether innocent or not) that you've triggered another person's subconscious wounds and because of that they now hold you accountable? Like? I can't imagine the thoughts that went thru LOs head other than "that LF needs to see a therapist!".

Of course, this is how I see disclosure from what I've learned, you may see it differently and that's okay.
We each have to make decisions for ourselves and take responsibility for our actions. For me, I wish I had known before disclosing what I now know.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by Zsababy »

I think if I was an LO & someone told me I represented their old wounds, I'd feel really weirded out knowing that someone was projecting all their baggage on me & not necessarily liking me for who I am. It kind of reminds me of being young & guys "falling in love" with me when they barely knew me; that they probably were "in love" because I was a busty blonde. If I were plain, would they really care about me? Probably not. I guess that's what you mean by objectifying them.

At first when you used the word objectify I thought that was a bit harsh, but now I see it.

Yes, I would feel weird if someone told me I reminded them of old wounds and/or they were obsessed with me.

I personally can't see telling my LO about limerance but I would probably tell them I had a silly teenage crush. That sounds more harmless and kind of funny.
StillLimerent
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2022 7:52 am
United States of America

Re: Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by StillLimerent »

L-F wrote: Wed Mar 22, 2023 10:48 pm I disclosed before finding this site, that I can't change.
Do I wish I hadn't disclosed? Absolutely.
Why?
Because limerence is where you objectify a person. This is a dehumanizing act.

A question to all fellow limerents here, "would you mind being objectified?" If someone you liked, or didn't like, objectified you and told you so, how would you feel? Empowered? Flattered? Disgusted?
???

I was extremely embarrassed and ashamed when I learned what limerence was and how I had naively given LO a heads up that LO was this 'thing' (not a human) to be drooled over because, for some reason, LO triggered my wounds.
Whew! That's a lot to take on!

Imagine learning as an LO (whether innocent or not) that you've triggered another person's subconscious wounds and because of that they now hold you accountable? Like? I can't imagine the thoughts that went thru LOs head other than "that LF needs to see a therapist!".

Of course, this is how I see disclosure from what I've learned, you may see it differently and that's okay.
We each have to make decisions for ourselves and take responsibility for our actions. For me, I wish I had known before disclosing what I now know.
Oh, L-F. I hope you didn't disclose in a way that you described it here? I don't think disclosing by telling LOs you objectified them or that they triggered your wounds would be a good way to communicate the situation. I wouldn't even consider it being a disclosure. Why would anyone tell LOs about triggered wounds or such? Many LOs are not even familiar with what limerence is. Such way of communication sounds overly dramatic and extreme to me.

While disclosure is about ourselves, and limerence is a lot about our past rather than LO, I don't thing it should be a part of a disclosure. I'm more on rather writing something romantic than a tragedy, though I'm not into either.
StillLimerent
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2022 7:52 am
United States of America

Re: Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by StillLimerent »

Zsababy wrote: Thu Mar 23, 2023 1:55 am I think if I was an LO & someone told me I represented their old wounds, I'd feel really weirded out knowing that someone was projecting all their baggage on me & not necessarily liking me for who I am. It kind of reminds me of being young & guys "falling in love" with me when they barely knew me; that they probably were "in love" because I was a busty blonde. If I were plain, would they really care about me? Probably not. I guess that's what you mean by objectifying them.

At first when you used the word objectify I thought that was a bit harsh, but now I see it.

Yes, I would feel weird if someone told me I reminded them of old wounds and/or they were obsessed with me.

I personally can't see telling my LO about limerance but I would probably tell them I had a silly teenage crush. That sounds more harmless and kind of funny.
Hahaha, I like the teenage crush idea! And then leave LO to start fantasizing about you cause they may feel really flattered! :-)
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by L-F »

StillLimerent wrote: Thu Mar 23, 2023 6:38 am I'm more on rather writing something romantic than a tragedy, though I'm not into either.
This made me giggle... In a good way :D
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by L-F »

StillLimerent wrote: Thu Mar 23, 2023 6:38 am
Oh, L-F. I hope you didn't disclose in a way that you described it here? I don't think disclosing by telling LOs you objectified them or that they triggered your wounds would be a good way to communicate the situation. I wouldn't even consider it being a disclosure. Why would anyone tell LOs about triggered wounds or such? Many LOs are not even familiar with what limerence is. Such way of communication sounds overly dramatic and extreme to me.

No I didn't disclose this way. I said I had feelings. For me, with LO being a psychotherapist, it would have been evident what limerence really was, and yes, it is that dramatic. It is about objectifying them and wound mates. Cringe cringe...
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Disclosing: what I wished I knew

Post by L-F »

L-F wrote: Thu Mar 23, 2023 7:10 am
StillLimerent wrote: Thu Mar 23, 2023 6:38 am
Oh, L-F. I hope you didn't disclose in a way that you described it here? I don't think disclosing by telling LOs you objectified them or that they triggered your wounds would be a good way to communicate the situation. I wouldn't even consider it being a disclosure. Why would anyone tell LOs about triggered wounds or such? Many LOs are not even familiar with what limerence is. Such way of communication sounds overly dramatic and extreme to me.

No I didn't disclose this way. I said I had feelings. For me, with LO being a psychotherapist, it would have been evident what limerence really was, and yes, it is that dramatic. It is about objectifying them and wound mates. Cringe cringe...
Which means, I didn't need to tell her, she would have figured it out on her own. At the time I had no clue what was behind the curtain.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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