BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

How to deal with LOs lover?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: How to deal with LOs lover?

Post by L-F »

vesseloflight wrote: Mon Jun 05, 2023 8:22 pm Funny how so many organized spiritual routes have a tendency to push the light back inside of us instead of releasing all of it out of us. So many people are afraid of artists for this reason....because artists, especially stand up comics, MUST release the light (their own 'brokenness') within them to get belly laughs from the audience. The irony that so many teachings about "light" are about being saintly or above others - something NONE of us can really be if we are to be honest citizens of the earth.
That's an interesting perspective VoL. Good food for thought.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: How to deal with LOs lover?

Post by fup »

I’ve been feeling a bit on edge the last couple of days because B told me she was going to talk to LO during the weekend. I have no idea if she did. Today I almost had a panic attack because I was left alone with LO for a while. But it was ok. We just talked about random stuff in a normal way, which was really nice. It actually helps a lot just to talk to LO about normal stuff in a normal way.
marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: How to deal with LOs lover?

Post by marko »

Do you find in the LO's presence you feel quite normal? Sometimes you think "what's all this about" as it feels normal. Then a couple minutes later all the shit comes back in?
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: How to deal with LOs lover?

Post by fup »

marko wrote: Wed Jun 07, 2023 9:26 pm Do you find in the LO's presence you feel quite normal? Sometimes you think "what's all this about" as it feels normal. Then a couple minutes later all the shit comes back in?
Yes, I’m starting to feel normal in the presence of LO. I definitely recognize the feeling that all the shit comes back a few minutes later. Not too long ago I remember looking at LO thinking why I ever liked him in the first place. 30 minutes later I was convinced I was in love. And this LE had always been non-romantic. So it’s a rollercoaster all right.

But it’s getting a lot better. I’ve been distancing myself for a while, so I think practicing interacting in a normal way is helping me right now.
I’m not in the clear yet, and LO is present in my mind most of the time. But I’m starting to let go and I no longer feel so hurt about the thought of the lost friendship.
marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: How to deal with LOs lover?

Post by marko »

This part can take a long time. You think you have clarity (maybe yes?), but then you dip right back in, almost like it was more distraction. I always thought, for my 2017 that she was living with a guy who wouldn't marry her. Then she got engaged and I thought it would help end those thoughts. It seems like whatever you beleive will help, you just think around. Like someday, they'll come to their senses. I can tell even when I come here, it helps, but also just pumps me up a bit and causes more thoughts.
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: How to deal with LOs lover?

Post by fup »

marko wrote: Sun Jun 11, 2023 8:15 pm This part can take a long time. You think you have clarity (maybe yes?), but then you dip right back in, almost like it was more distraction. I always thought, for my 2017 that she was living with a guy who wouldn't marry her. Then she got engaged and I thought it would help end those thoughts. It seems like whatever you beleive will help, you just think around. Like someday, they'll come to their senses. I can tell even when I come here, it helps, but also just pumps me up a bit and causes more thoughts.
I’m perfectly aware that set backs are a huge risk. In fact I’m not sure one can ever be 100% in the clear if once limerent.
I’m in a place right now where I’ve let go of the idea that LO and I can be friends again. But still I need to practice some sort of normal interaction.
I only have one former LO still in my life. Him I was definitely in love with for years. We are still friends. Luckily he moved away, but we see each other a couple of times a year. Even though 10 years have passed, he still has the power to hurt me a just a little bit deeper than my other friends would. So IMO once an LO never completely normal. But now 10 years later, I’d say I’m in the clear as far as I know how to handle interactions with him without any rollercoasters. He’s in my life, but I’m completely in control.

My current LO I can’t avoid. If I could cut him off completely I definitely would.
I guess the one good thing about my trust issues is, that if I lose trust in people they can never truly earn it back. And as far as my current LO goes, I’d still love for us to be able to talk and be friendly. But my trust is broken for good. And so there’s really no reason trying to be friends again. Even though it stings a bit from time to time and I still do feel very prone towards getting my feelings hurt. I can finally begin to let go and start practicing small steps towards normal interactions. If I feel it getting too warm, I’ll quickly pull away so I don’t get burned.
LO is still present in my mind a lot. But it used to be 99% of my entire attention span. Now it’s more like a tiny mosquito buzzing around in my brain that I can mostly ignore while focussing on other stuff. Every now and then I allow myself to fantasize a bit. But even then I always tell myself “Not now. Maybe someday if I get to a place where it’s healthy”. Hopefully one day like my LO from 10 years ago. If not, I’m okay with that, in fact I would probably never contact him again if one of us left our job.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 15 guests