Since February I suppose. I escape limerantly most of my life. 2017 was more significant in that I had no idea what and why. I just knew I coudn't stop the thoughts. This new one had me thinking too much like I do with most things, but I thought oh oh when my underarms started sweating when she was around, and then I started obsessing over how much I was obsessing. The low but persistent feeling of mania and just real good wellbeing accompanied the thoughts. I still was a bit in denial as I couldn't point to her (really me) as the source. It was when I looked in the mirror and found myself wondering if I looked OK was really the tipping point and I just couldn't stop. I was glowing and then it's extra hard to stop as I finally feel liked. It matters little how much you tell yourself how stupid it all is and as you, no one would understand. It's like a second reality existing with reality, one you wish to replace as you feel you can't exist without it. It's so paralyzing as you angle a way to the impossible, and yet somehow hang on even though you know, and then it's
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I thought I could snap out of it easier this time, especially given her unavailability. The parralel to 2017 points to me and what I do, no matter the LO. My metabolism sky rockets, I loose weight and initially sleep. She lasted 9 months intense and made it to a happier place 2 years ago--so 3 years. I still think of her here and there, but outside a couple of lunches, I finally came to grips that we will never be. For some reason this past month felt like a lifetime. I suppose I played with being in the old lo's world at some point (she invited me to work with her, I said no, but stil). Now I have to make this die for good, that seems much harder. I blab on again as it makes me feel better, like if I can rationally express it I may not be
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At 2.5 are you at a better place, or do you still roller coaster up and down?
Listening to an interview with him reminds me that I'm an obsessive fan, and I really don't like to think of myself that way. It makes me sound completely nuts. I know people here are much more grounded in reality and can't really relate.