Happiness - don't think limerents can find it

[JupiterTaco]

The L Word is my happy place. LOL! All kidding aside I know I've talked off and on about things that make me happy over the years but maybe that doesn't qualify as happiness. Maybe happiness is more of a steady feeling. But you're right, I do a bad job of sharing all of that. Might be a good new exercise for me to work on.

Other than that I know that I was briefly happy in 2019 before I met my former neighbor in those days. I had just read Rich Dad Poor Dad and for the first time in my life I had some clarity of what I wanted my future to look like versus a few weeks before that when I had quit my toxic delivery job and had this sense of emptiness and sense of dread and wondering what the heck was next.

I know I definitely have the capacity to be happy and one of the reasons why is because I have no problem taking stock of the small things; sunsets, sunrises, wildlife, small pleasures which can certainly help. I also have a lot of of hobbies that bring me happiness. Writing, photography. When I can give these things my time I notice that I feel better.

But the money thing definitely affects me and sometimes it can come out of nowhere and really hit where it hurts such as my car or when my laptop decides to break down and I have to go get a new one.

Hell just a couple weeks ago I almost went full on rage mode because I was looking for a new SD card and the price had gone up exponentially at T-Mobile and I'm thinking to myself I need to stop taking pictures! Such a simple freaking pleasure and it's eating my wallet!

Thankfully I looked and found a cheaper one so I know where to go. But yes those are things that can hit me out of nowhere and affect my happiness at any given time. I don't think I'm that difficult to entertain. I need very minimum things to be happy.

A little time in nature my time my freedom my writing and of course music. Another thing that annoys the crap out of me is that I have this speaker that will not charge anymore I have no idea why so I'll be trying to listen to a song and it constantly does this where it'll just say please charge it's like you're on the charger all night you f****** idiot! So it bothers me more when the simple things I ask for are not pulling through LOL. For many years it was not in my reality the idea that I could have some of the things that other people enjoy such as vacations, traveling or cushy jobs.

Also I remember in 2020 I wrote about my experiences visiting the Chain of Rocks Bridge and what an amazing experience that was. Words failed I could not explain what that was like. The closest I can describe it is walking on a dinosaur. Even with the knowledge of the terrible thing that happened there I was mostly able to focus on the incredulous experience of being on the bridge hearing the rust and the water flowing beneath the bridge and the highway on the other bridge and the fresh air and wind it was truly incredible.

The only other things I can connect that to was the time I was flying briefly over the ocean down in Florida and seeing it for the first time as the plane was turning around to land. The feeling that I still get when I go start going into the Rocky Mountains. The feeling driving across the Eastern Plains when Pikes Peak first comes into view. Traveling, starting over in a new location.

Despite my problems in 2019 and 2020 I do consider that I was largely happy then too. So I don't think that because of that experience that being around toxic people necessarily has to be what affects your happiness. But it does make a difference.

[L-F]

Yes please do post more on your happier times JT! Show the world limerents can indeed enjoy life with, or without, limerence! Just like fup and Vesselofflight, I too can find contentment, happiness, and gratitude in small moments, especially since I'm no longer limerent. Just being no longer limerent is a delight in itself.

Limerence is such a strange infliction/phenomenon; where one can feel euphoria and then depressed for feeling euphoric. A 'lets-beat-ourselves-up' drug?

Talking about drugs, methamphetamine in particular, I'm super curious to know if the toxic chemical components of methamphetamine ruin the ability to feel euphoric over time or whether it's the intense and prolonged dopamine hits that cause the damage (caused by the drug). If it's the latter, then doesn't that make limerence scary?

You will often hear of the highs and lows regarding limerence, but, long-term dopamine hits cause? And what long-term effect do repeat episodes (LEs) cause on the dopamine and serotonin transporters?

How high is a limerence high compared to a methamphetamine high? Are we even in the same ballpark? Come to think about it, I don't like the saying that limerence is like an addiction as if being an alcoholic. Alcohol numbs the senses. Limerence does not! Lol


Here's some info on meths and dopamine, which I found interesting. I've added the link if anyone wants to read more.
"Decreases in the Levels of Dopamine and Serotonin Transporters

Dopamine and serotonin transporters are specialized cells in the CNS that function to remove the dopamine and serotonin that have been released from the neurons into the synaptic cleft (the space between neurons) and bring them back into the cell where they can be repackaged for reuse. This partially results in the psychoactive effects of meth, but also leads to later dopamine and serotonin depletion because the neurons have less dopamine to use later. This can result in several extreme mood effects, such as initial extreme euphoria followed by extreme periods of depression, apathy, and hopelessness.

Increased Glutamate Calcium in the Brain

Increases in the neurotransmitter glutamate (the major excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain) and calcium are often associated with neurotoxic effects in the brain as a result of the neurons being overly excited and continuing to fire to the point of actually damaging the system. If not modulated, this can result in significant damage throughout the central nervous system."



https://americanaddictioncenters.org/me ... in-and-cns


Again, makes me wonder if limerents suffer a low-grade depression, and how limerence affects the brain over time. Lord knows I suffered one bout (LE) for several years. But the good news is, there is a new study to show even a damaged brain on meth can improve for the better.

[JupiterTaco]

I think there's a difference between the body being invaded by an actual alien chemical like an actual drug versus you know limerence but I could be wrong on that. I know that meth and possibly ecstasy work in that they make your brain work and in an inhuman way to give you a high for the first time and as one uses it they get less and less of it and they keep chasing it harder and harder and that seems to be how I've heard that that works and seems to be ultimately why meth users for example get so violent.

In fact I read one time that people who take ecstasy they have a real chance of killing their happy-chemical system. Potentially barring types of mental illness which I don't personally know about I don't see how a non-drug addiction could have the same effect but again I could be wrong. I think some of the same chemicals in limerence are found in dark chocolate so who knows.

[L-F]

I think some of the same chemicals in limerence are found in dark chocolate so who knows.

Interesting aye, not that I've seen a study done on it. When we talk about a dopamine high, is a dopamine high not a dopamine high regardless of what caused it (i.e. meth, chocolate, lim)? Granted meth is going to kill you over chocolate, but I'm assuming it's to do with more than a dopamine kick.

[Zsababy]

In my limited use of meth, I didn't not find meth to give me the profound euphoria and bliss of limerance in the few times I did it. It did make me much more social- like can't stop talking lol. Very common. Limerance, though all -consuming, is more subtle. Meth has no subtlety whatsoever. It's a very hyperactive drug.

Regarding happiness, I think the problem is that we come to expect euphoria and bliss. It's a problem. Last night I was daydreaming about "our" would-be wedding--the music, the first dance, etc. I cannot imagine that bliss with my current partner. I'm comfortable in my relationship and happy "enough", but not really happy. I don't really find joy in it much. But we do great things together all the time, like we went to a silent film festival with live accompaniment and it was wonderful.
We have a nice life, not wealthy or glamorous, but better than many people's. It's comfortable, just not romantic or blissfull, the way my limerance is. But is my imagination even realistic?

[Zsababy]

I should say that I have fun with my partner, but rarely true joy. The joy I'm thinking of is attainable to me as I've had it with friends, so I know it's real.

[Zsababy]

Ugh cross our that double negative. I meant "I didn't find meth"...etc but you knew that

[L-F]

That's interesting Zsababy, the comparison that is. You are right, it's different for individuals. The euphoric high one gets off meth, that I'm referring to, is from research, not personal use.

It would be interesting to study the body during these highs (limerence vs meth) to see if it is indeed similar on a physiological level. On a psychological level I'm sure it's different. But, not a doctor, so...
I'm only speculating.

The joy one gets, IMO, from a partner does not compare to the joy one experiences while limerent. One is sustainable like you said, while the other is over the top. I suppose you could say one is like the high you get from eating chocolate vs the high you get from taking meth.