Extreme limerence for employee

[JupiterTaco]

Think of it this way the SO has already proved themselves even if it may not be in a way that you like. You're thinking of jumping into a pool that you're not sure is full of water by entertaining this. And if she's actually using her head thinking seriously about this which I doubt and she would be thinking the same thing and would be right to do so.

Or... You could keep texting and end up in an affair.
My guess it you'll end up jobless and without a partner. No wife will jump ship that easily and employers are likely to put a big X by your name if you (and her) bring drama into the workplace.

The choice is yours lol

Actually IME it seems like it's the dysfunctional people who actually keep their jobs and everybody who's not willing to become their yes men are chased away LOL.

[L-F]

Actually IME it seems like it's the dysfunctional people who actually keep their jobs and everybody who's not willing to become their yes men is chased away LOL.

I would agree with that but in this situation, there isn't anyone wanting a 'yes man' other than LO.
And by the sounds of it, SS wants to know how to say NO but the force of limerence is a tad too strong. This is where making a stand is up to the LS (in general) before someone else makes the call such as LO or employer. I can't imagine what the outcome will be if the texts are exposed - if LO is the jealous destructive relationship ruining bunny boiler type that is. And the thing is, how would SS know until it's too late?. Best to call it quits now before things get out of hand. I know NC is not possible due to working together, but remaining professional is definitely a possibility.

If it were me in SS's shoes, I'd keep reminding myself that my partner is reading every text I send to LO, BEFORE I hit send. Best way to learn to restrain oneself imo.

[Lola]

I want to add a cautionary tale here too. SS's situation reminds me of someone I knew from another marriage-related messageboard several years ago. He worked as a therapist, ironically, and his clinic was sending him and a few others on a weekend training retreat. A much younger therapist at his clinic, around the same time, had started flirting and showing serious interest. I think they even went out a few times casually. He was still very much pining for his ex-wife, but so ready to jump into the dating pool that he turned common sense off and was overcome by the flattery this young, attractive woman was showing him. She very bluntly told him the weekend away would be a great opportunity for them to become physical, and he jumped at the chance for their "romantic getaway" that was to be hidden from their job, of course, since it was against policy for them to date.

After the hot weekend, she became a little more stand-offish. Suddenly, within a week or so, he was called into his boss's office, with others present. It seems she turned this into their HR as a sexual assault! Since no one knew they were seeing each other (which she absolutely denied now - she had a long-term boyfriend who was a personal trainer and no reason to pursue this frumpy, much older guy from her office!), she claimed she just drank a little much when out with other co-workers at the event, and this guy had taken advantage of her. She agreed to protect him from law enforcement if their clinic would fire or relocate him -- which they did.

He was moved to an annex clinic where he not only lost out on the promotion he was up for (which the young girl got!), but went through a probationary period where eyes were on him with patients and other co-workers. His reputation will never be the same, and he was lucky to have kept working at all.

I don't post here often, but I do still sometimes read, and SS's story has really been reminding me of this so much because we sometimes get so emotionally invested in others (and it doesn't take limerence to do this, but it certainly doesn't help!) that we don't see they have clandestine intentions. If this woman is pursuing you this hard, and getting 'proof' in written texts, watch yourself and your job. She may be trying to set the place up for a lawsuit. I'm not trying to be weird in posting this, but it really does happen. So much of your life can be affected by making a spotaneous decision based on the attention of someone else. Be cautious. It's not worth it.

[JupiterTaco]

Thank you for sharing that story. Yes it's always good to consider where other people are coming from when they hit on you in the workplace. We don't always think about that LOL but sometimes people have less than stellar reasons for hitting on their co-workers and if you're trying to get a promotion world watch out.

I don't know if I mentioned this but it was common knowledge where I was working when I first signed up for the site years ago that the bully who ended up firing me was having a same sex affair with one of his subordinates while married with a young child. And I didn't care about this crap all I cared about was getting my work done so I can go home and get away. But I remember when trying to think of a reason why this guy decided he hated me even though he barely knew me I remember wondering if he was interested in my fifth Lo who was rumored to be gay until he was rumored to be hitting on the one b**** who started our workplace but moving on...

Years later upon looking at the bully and seeing his communication with that same coworker on Facebook and I have to say I really think that he had done it and I remember thinking if I had exposed him to his wife what would have happened? Alas I was the one who got fired for no real reason that I can understand except just some whiny little f****** man who wanted to exert his power over someone who is out and happily bisexual because he was unhappy with his life predicament and had to take it out on somebody.

I'll never know but I'm really glad that I have escaped at work place and really got to think of what people are but yes a lot of employers tolerate dysfunctional b*******. In fact if you look up bullying suicides anymore you can find that they're all rife with affairs and financial cover-ups and all kinds of crap. This is why they don't want normal people working for them and I think it just gets worse now.

It really astounds me that we're not looking into this as a society more. We're just accepting the people who can b******* well with people like they can do what they say when in reality they really can't they rely on lying and cheating and stealing and using people for whatever they can.