My therapist always says that what I'm doing is a way to sabotage myself and to evade the responsibilities; while I do agree with her, I don't understand why my head decided that feeling like shit is better than embracing the path I was taking and being happy that way. That's why I question myself occasionally if it was indeed the right decision; I'm afraid of hurting my wife's feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be doing her a favor by leaving her and letting her be happy with someone who's not a complete screw up like me. Or maybe that's just my way of trying to justify it, at this point I'm not sure.Significant other wrote: ↑Mon Jan 29, 2024 7:43 pmMore than "...something that makes me feel better..." it is an unconscious way of running away, of sticking to something impossible.yoguisan wrote: ↑Sun Jan 28, 2024 7:27 pmHey Significant Other, hope you're doing well.
We always discussed the idea about having kids, I wanted it but had doubts, specially if I would be able to handle being a father, but in the latest two or so years our families have been pressuring us on this, and in turn she has been pressuring me; when the LE started however it led me to question everything in my life, including my relationship and if I really ever wanted to have children. Though I'm a bit more stabilized now I still have lots of questions about what I really want, I'm really trying not to let it affect my marriage.
By the way, since I found out my LO is married I've proposed that we be friends, to which she agreed; I believe this is to fulfill my need for her a bit in a less questionable way, but if this makes me feel better, so be it. I've been making lots of bad decisions since it all began, and I think this was one of the least worse ones.
I'm currently in what I call a state of "comfortable sadness"; I feel constantly down, but not to the point where it becomes overwhelming, and I can occasionally forget about LO for a few minutes and have some fun. It's pretty much how I lived my whole life, now that I think of it. Being somewhat accepted by her, even if as a friend, might be helping me
...to escape from the decisions you have to take, how: To be a father!
What is it that really paralyzes you?
Belive in yourself.
About what paralyzes me, I guess it's the huge responsibility of raising a life, and doing it right. My biggest issue is my self esteem and trust, I often believe I'm stupid and useless. I was getting over it at some point, but a few things happened that brought this feeling back, such as me getting fired last year