Devastating limerence

[yoguisan]

Hello Yoguisan
I have a question. Did your SO's idea of ​​having children appear before or after starting LE?

Hey Significant Other, hope you're doing well.

We always discussed the idea about having kids, I wanted it but had doubts, specially if I would be able to handle being a father, but in the latest two or so years our families have been pressuring us on this, and in turn she has been pressuring me; when the LE started however it led me to question everything in my life, including my relationship and if I really ever wanted to have children. Though I'm a bit more stabilized now I still have lots of questions about what I really want, I'm really trying not to let it affect my marriage.

By the way, since I found out my LO is married I've proposed that we be friends, to which she agreed; I believe this is to fulfill my need for her a bit in a less questionable way, but if this makes me feel better, so be it. I've been making lots of bad decisions since it all began, and I think this was one of the least worse ones.

I'm currently in what I call a state of "comfortable sadness"; I feel constantly down, but not to the point where it becomes overwhelming, and I can occasionally forget about LO for a few minutes and have some fun. It's pretty much how I lived my whole life, now that I think of it. Being somewhat accepted by her, even if as a friend, might be helping me

More than "...something that makes me feel better..." it is an unconscious way of running away, of sticking to something impossible.
...to escape from the decisions you have to take, how: To be a father!
What is it that really paralyzes you?
Belive in yourself.

My therapist always says that what I'm doing is a way to sabotage myself and to evade the responsibilities; while I do agree with her, I don't understand why my head decided that feeling like shit is better than embracing the path I was taking and being happy that way. That's why I question myself occasionally if it was indeed the right decision; I'm afraid of hurting my wife's feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be doing her a favor by leaving her and letting her be happy with someone who's not a complete screw up like me. Or maybe that's just my way of trying to justify it, at this point I'm not sure.

About what paralyzes me, I guess it's the huge responsibility of raising a life, and doing it right. My biggest issue is my self esteem and trust, I often believe I'm stupid and useless. I was getting over it at some point, but a few things happened that brought this feeling back, such as me getting fired last year

[yoguisan]

Well, I decided to open up and let my wife know what's been going on with me, and...she's been incredibly supportive. She gave me advice, thanked me for sharing this with her, and asked me not to carry my burdens alone. I'm happy that I no longer have to hide this from her, but at the same time I feel very guilty for making her go through this, she doesn't deserve it. We are however willing to fight to the end for our marriage; I hope I don't screw up everything. I don't really care if I get hurt anymore, but I won't forgive myself if I hurt her

[L-F]

Awesome stuff!

[Significant other]

Phenomenal. I think you acted correctly. Good luck!