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Stopping the limerance before consummation

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Lola
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2019 7:15 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Stopping the limerance before consummation

Post by Lola »

I absolutely agree, L-F, on all counts! The guilt is such a huge part of this. Even my xH was able to express that to me at different points. I always tried to keep an open dialogue, but the (as I've seen it referred to on other forums) "transfer of monogamy" that seems to happen kind of suddenly and intensely with limerence made him want to be less transparent with me, in favor of his LO who was a willing partner (also married, perhaps also limerent, "wound mate/twin flame" sort of symbiosis). He's bounced from religion to religion as well, where I think he may be seeking absolution of some sort from an external source. It's interesting to observe now that I'm so far outside of it and can see it in a detached way.

I really do commend everyone on this site who is either the limerent spouse or the left behind one who is facing all of this head-on. It's no small feat!
L-F
Posts: 4587
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Stopping the limerance before consummation

Post by L-F »

Lola wrote: Wed Jul 10, 2024 9:29 pm I absolutely agree, L-F, on all counts! The guilt is such a huge part of this. Even my xH was able to express that to me at different points. I always tried to keep an open dialogue, but the (as I've seen it referred to on other forums) "transfer of monogamy" that seems to happen kind of suddenly and intensely with limerence made him want to be less transparent with me, in favor of his LO who was a willing partner (also married, perhaps also limerent, "wound mate/twin flame" sort of symbiosis). He's bounced from religion to religion as well, where I think he may be seeking absolution of some sort from an external source. It's interesting to observe now that I'm so far outside of it and can see it in a detached way.

I really do commend everyone on this site who is either the limerent spouse or the left behind one who is facing all of this head-on. It's no small feat!
It sounds like you are in a much improved situation. I don't mean to be rude, but I am curious to know if he will want to return once he wakes up. It seems like something out of a movie. You have done your part, and he will have to deal with the regret of not doing his when he realizes that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

I choose not to pick sides, as there is no benefit in demonizing him, considering he clearly has his own unresolved battles to deal with. I am relieved that you are now in a better position to view things from a new perspective. Wishing you strength and support!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3877
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: Stopping the limerance before consummation

Post by David »

lots of solid deep insights from all those that have posted before me. Johnboy, sorry to read of this situation. Sending strength your way.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Lola
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2019 7:15 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Stopping the limerance before consummation

Post by Lola »

L-F wrote: Thu Jul 11, 2024 12:22 am It sounds like you are in a much improved situation. I don't mean to be rude, but I am curious to know if he will want to return once he wakes up. It seems like something out of a movie. You have done your part, and he will have to deal with the regret of not doing his when he realizes that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

I choose not to pick sides, as there is no benefit in demonizing him, considering he clearly has his own unresolved battles to deal with. I am relieved that you are now in a better position to view things from a new perspective. Wishing you strength and support!
I thank you for that, L-F! And it's not rude at all, I'm curious too! I was a stander for 5 1/2 years or so after the initial "bomb drop". Several years of that was post-divorce and after he had married his LO, so I really do believe in this process and that there is most of the time an awakening that happens that will take them out of whatever fugue they are experiencing. I'd definitely report back here if it ever happens. The person I knew him to be was someone I felt had a lot of insight, and I think it would be interesting to hear his side of it. Detachment kind of replaces necessity with curiosity, I guess. ;)
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