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LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
PPS - heading into work now, busy day ahead, might be a little while (late tonight early tomorrow morning) before i reply (I'm not in the US so different timezone i think)
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Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Your scenario: “Acknowledging feelings are there but refusing to take them further.”
If this scenario happens it will not go how you expect. It will just be more turmoil. Admitting mutual attraction is throwing gasoline on a fire. This intensifies feelings or desire & longing. This makes it worse & will exacerbate the limerence. Just be warned.
With your professional connection & being married, the best, cleanest, least drama thing you can do is leave it be & work it out in your mind.
If this scenario happens it will not go how you expect. It will just be more turmoil. Admitting mutual attraction is throwing gasoline on a fire. This intensifies feelings or desire & longing. This makes it worse & will exacerbate the limerence. Just be warned.
With your professional connection & being married, the best, cleanest, least drama thing you can do is leave it be & work it out in your mind.
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- Age: 48
Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Deleted
Last edited by Buryafriend on Wed Apr 17, 2019 11:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
@Annie, thank you so much for the being a voice of reason. You are right, and gasoline on fire is a good analogy. 'Working it out in my own mind' - so hard.
Made me think of what I was hoping to achieve by disclosing. I think I reacted severely to the thought of him viewing me as a 'professional flirt'. I've asked about his family, been supportive and caring, but I also treat the staff there the same way. We've never talked suggestively, and I don't initiate meetings aside from work or have seen him outside of a work setting. But I feel like I blush like anything when he smiles at me and wonder if it's all over my face. The text msg I mentioned was pretty cringeworthy though I think, again maybe I'm blowing out of proportion.
Also, I think I noticed recently hints of reciprocation (making time to see me in person despite being a busy lunch time rather than a webconference later) admiration for progress with our business... but this week he's been colder, don't know if it's that I've just told him I don't think they have more than a few months before the cash runs out and would consider closing the business instead of moving ahead with plans to renovate and go steeper into debt. I hated that meeting. Goodness I feel for him, so much heart and dreams put into that place and there I am professionally shattering his dreams. I want to wrap him up in a bubble and tell him everything is going to be okay but professionally I'm required to be factual and objective.
Maybe it was just me getting a glimmer of hope he actually might like me and the agony of just wanting to know. He's going through so much right now, doesn't need my mess as well.
Sigh. Coping mechanisms anyone? I defs need the distance.
If 5% of the population has limerence with 1 person so there must be 385 million LOs out there - I wonder how many are completely unconscious of all the untold suffering & agony they are putting us through.
@BuryAFriend, 'exquisite torture' think I'll keep that one. Sigh. Oh what a situation for you, not only to have spouses to think of but children as well! Perhaps that is why your LO is holding back? He's not prepared to leave his family? Maybe he's accepting work from you because he needs it for his family but feels guilty if he feels his only merit is that you have feelings for him? Maybe would it help to tell us about your kids? Your husband? How did you both meet and fall in love? ... Although sometimes no matter how we know we ought to feel still doesn't take away the pain...
Made me think of what I was hoping to achieve by disclosing. I think I reacted severely to the thought of him viewing me as a 'professional flirt'. I've asked about his family, been supportive and caring, but I also treat the staff there the same way. We've never talked suggestively, and I don't initiate meetings aside from work or have seen him outside of a work setting. But I feel like I blush like anything when he smiles at me and wonder if it's all over my face. The text msg I mentioned was pretty cringeworthy though I think, again maybe I'm blowing out of proportion.
Also, I think I noticed recently hints of reciprocation (making time to see me in person despite being a busy lunch time rather than a webconference later) admiration for progress with our business... but this week he's been colder, don't know if it's that I've just told him I don't think they have more than a few months before the cash runs out and would consider closing the business instead of moving ahead with plans to renovate and go steeper into debt. I hated that meeting. Goodness I feel for him, so much heart and dreams put into that place and there I am professionally shattering his dreams. I want to wrap him up in a bubble and tell him everything is going to be okay but professionally I'm required to be factual and objective.
Maybe it was just me getting a glimmer of hope he actually might like me and the agony of just wanting to know. He's going through so much right now, doesn't need my mess as well.
Sigh. Coping mechanisms anyone? I defs need the distance.
If 5% of the population has limerence with 1 person so there must be 385 million LOs out there - I wonder how many are completely unconscious of all the untold suffering & agony they are putting us through.
@BuryAFriend, 'exquisite torture' think I'll keep that one. Sigh. Oh what a situation for you, not only to have spouses to think of but children as well! Perhaps that is why your LO is holding back? He's not prepared to leave his family? Maybe he's accepting work from you because he needs it for his family but feels guilty if he feels his only merit is that you have feelings for him? Maybe would it help to tell us about your kids? Your husband? How did you both meet and fall in love? ... Although sometimes no matter how we know we ought to feel still doesn't take away the pain...
Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Wow just been reading through the forum and webpage a little more indepth, I really am not the only one. So interesting.
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Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Deleted
Last edited by Buryafriend on Wed Apr 17, 2019 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Mrs N - you are definitely not the only one! Yep gas on a fire . I spent months going round in circles on disclosure. What are the possible outcomes, what do you want to achieve.. I would not do it seems err dangerous
Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
I'd say 99% of affairs start with limerence.
Look up the stats of how many affair couples last (settle down and live happily ever after). My guess is if they do settle down together, the happy part only last so long.
Because something magical happens, LOs turn into SOs and then we are back at the beginning. Looking for another person to heal us. The truth is, no one can.
LOs are not the magical other. They do not hold the answers. They cannot fix us. So disclosing is like disclosing an illusion to an imaginary friend.
They might feel the butterflies too, but if they do, it just goes to show how damaged they are too. Probably why two limerents are attracted to each other... because they mirror each others childhood wounds. Which kind of sounds exciting, to be able to jump in and soothe them, heal them, but that's the rescue fantasy right there, and the real reason behind limerence. To have someone magical save us and heal us, as well as we heal them.
Which is actually the fairytale love story Hollywood has conditioned us to believe... that love works like that. It doesn't.
You are doing him a disservice by thinking you are there to rescue him, which you've already pointed out by saying you are emotionally invested and not as objective as you should be. Can you ask your husband to take him on as a client or refer him to another agency? The last thing you'll want is to feel guilty in any way shape or form further down the track if his business fails and after you've discovered why you became limerent (tip, it's got nothing to do with others, only self).
You sound like an honest, intelligent, hardworking business woman. I'm glad you found this site. Information on here will hopefully save your sanity. Limerence is a pain in the neck.
Also, check out how to be boundaried. Being professional is easy. Dealing with limerence isn't so easy. I was able to remain professional by focussing on the task at hand and not buying into limerence. I saved that stuff to work on in my own time. I learnt to dissociate from limerence in the presence of LO in order to get the job done.
Good luck!
Look up the stats of how many affair couples last (settle down and live happily ever after). My guess is if they do settle down together, the happy part only last so long.
Because something magical happens, LOs turn into SOs and then we are back at the beginning. Looking for another person to heal us. The truth is, no one can.
LOs are not the magical other. They do not hold the answers. They cannot fix us. So disclosing is like disclosing an illusion to an imaginary friend.
They might feel the butterflies too, but if they do, it just goes to show how damaged they are too. Probably why two limerents are attracted to each other... because they mirror each others childhood wounds. Which kind of sounds exciting, to be able to jump in and soothe them, heal them, but that's the rescue fantasy right there, and the real reason behind limerence. To have someone magical save us and heal us, as well as we heal them.
Which is actually the fairytale love story Hollywood has conditioned us to believe... that love works like that. It doesn't.
You are doing him a disservice by thinking you are there to rescue him, which you've already pointed out by saying you are emotionally invested and not as objective as you should be. Can you ask your husband to take him on as a client or refer him to another agency? The last thing you'll want is to feel guilty in any way shape or form further down the track if his business fails and after you've discovered why you became limerent (tip, it's got nothing to do with others, only self).
You sound like an honest, intelligent, hardworking business woman. I'm glad you found this site. Information on here will hopefully save your sanity. Limerence is a pain in the neck.
Also, check out how to be boundaried. Being professional is easy. Dealing with limerence isn't so easy. I was able to remain professional by focussing on the task at hand and not buying into limerence. I saved that stuff to work on in my own time. I learnt to dissociate from limerence in the presence of LO in order to get the job done.
Good luck!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Your whole post was GREAT but this really resonates with me.
Re: LO is Work Client - Managing Professionalism
Thanks @ Annie
There is a lot more on the subject written all over place under 'woundmates', 'mirrors', etc. Check out David's threads on the topic. For us oldies here its not new info but definitely worth checking out.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
There is a lot more on the subject written all over place under 'woundmates', 'mirrors', etc. Check out David's threads on the topic. For us oldies here its not new info but definitely worth checking out.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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