A strategy gone awry?

[Thought Loop]

I have been struggling to manage down my limerence, and I've had some success, but I'm hitting some bumps.

A month ago my LO found me on a social media platform and followed me. That was unexpected; I was not on this platform when we disconnected.

It seems I am not as far out of the woods as I'd thought I was. Damn it all. It had been going so well.

[WishMagick]

It seems I am not as far out of the woods as I'd thought I was. Damn it all. I thought it had been going so well.

I think the sooner we accept that this is inescapable, the sooner we feel that everything is ok. Sure, being this way is not ideal because we bring ourselves so much pain while in limerence, but, there is no cure. It's all about how we manage it.

Sometimes we will manage it well, sometimes we won't. We'll always be ok. We have to believe that. What other choice do we have??

I'm just going to accept that I will always have a degree of misery. My hope is that it's such a small speck of misery that it doesn't rock my life. I HAVE reached that place with LO #1. But, it took never seeing or speaking to him for over a decade.

[Thought Loop]

Thank you WishMagick. I think you're right. This is going to be a long process.

I am not liking it currently, but I imagine it is better for spiritual growth to suck it up and stick with it.

My brain is certainly in a better state than it was.

Maybe one day I will get there too.

[WishMagick]

My brain is certainly in a better state than it was.

Maybe one day I will get there too.

I think you are doing a great job. You are definitely above water. Even if you struggle to stay there!

Any type of victory, no matter how small, should be celebrated. And it's ok if you are still having a hard time. You will be ok. You have to believe that.

[Acrobatica]

Unfriend. Unfollow. Block.

Do it now.

If you are worried it will hurt her feelings, STOP.

1. No social media platform makes it obvious when you you unfollow. She likely won’t notice.

2. You’re feelings and state of mind are FAR MORE IMPORTANT than your efforts in trying to save her feelings. You put your life jacket on first. Your oxygen mask first. Protect yourself and your wounded inner child first.

sending you support I’ve definitely been there. NC is not NC until social media is blocked as well.

[Thought Loop]

Thanks for the replies!

Going No Contact can be seen very negatively by an LO and I got some flack for it, especially from a friend who imputed all sorts of negative motivations.

If I go No Contact again, I will have to explain to LO2 first, very carefully, why I am doing what I am doing, and... at this point I'd really, really rather not admit she still affects me.

Yet you are right, the new social contact has shown... it's still a wretched, potentially all-consuming problem for me.

[Cookie]

Unfriend. Unfollow. Block.

Do it now.

If you are worried it will hurt her feelings, STOP.

1. No social media platform makes it obvious when you you unfollow. She likely won’t notice.

2. You’re feelings and state of mind are FAR MORE IMPORTANT than your efforts in trying to save her feelings. You put your life jacket on first. Your oxygen mask first. Protect yourself and your wounded inner child first.

sending you support I’ve definitely been there. NC is not NC until social media is blocked as well.

THIS.

It works.

Angry that I backslid, but going to gather strength again to disconnect.

We must. There is no other way. No contact saves.

[Thought Loop]

Thanks for the reply Cookie!

Deleting the details here; they aren't important.

You were all right. I need to quietly deescalate and go No Contact.

[Thought Loop]

Trying to let go and deescalate to No Contact again.

On a greater spiritual level I try to remember how much positive she has done for me.

[Acrobatica]

I just wish all this learning didn't have to be so damn painful. I wonder what the hell I did that was so bloody awful I have to go through this. Was it a past life? I'm no saint but still... They say we are here to learn. Best explanation is that it took a real kick in the head to wake me up.

Ha! I love this.

I agree. This has been a painful f'ing journey. And sometimes I kind of wish for the time when I was blind to all of these dynamics . . . blissful ignorance. And I still spend far too much of my time ruminating over the past.

But it is progress. And I do have times now when I am at peace and content with the present. And I am truly looking forward to the future. I think being awake is a very good thing, and I do think that limerence is an insistent invitation to a painful spiritual awakening if we choose to open that door.

And, I would encourage you to, instead of seeing this as a punishment for doing something awful, perhaps in a past life, to instead view it as you taking up the invitation for growth that was always there for us. I think those of us that choose to answer the call are attempting to heal generations of pain. We probably can't do all of it in one lifetime.

Sending support and encouragement to stay on the awakened path.