Dislosing suffering from limerence to a friend and their reaction a bit hurtful

[Steve_Fox]

Hello.
Recently, I disclosed that I suffer from limerence to a friend and after Googling it he said "this is probably what serial killers and rapists have" and "don't do anything stupid". Granted, he also said "it takes courage to admit to that" but still. Come on.
It's not like I chose this. It just happens on its own. I wish it didn't, in all honesty.
It makes you wonder why so many people bother to care about "mental health awareness" when their first reaction upon becoming aware is wishing they weren't anymore. What use is "awareness" without *understanding* how hard it is to live with?
Have any of you ever told anyone that you have limerence or is it better to keep it to yourself?

[Idiotic]

That guy is a jerk. Sorry to say.

[Idiotic]

Don't listen to that guy. Read up here. We are not serial killers and rapists.
At least not all of us.

[peter.rabbit]

Tell your friend that serial killers and rapists like chocolate chip ice cream, but that has nothing to do with my situation...

[Icarion]

Sorry it went that way Steve, it was inapropriate to react the way he did and no wonder you felt hurt.

I agree with Idiotic that it was a jerk move.

You took a risk in putting your trust in telling what torment you and it is pretty harsh to get that in return. If you value your friendship highly i suggest to give it time for him to digest that for now and once he realise that your still the same as before, tell him afterward that he reacted like an asshole and it hurt your feelings.

As for telling people about Limerence, in fact, i did.

I kept it a secret for a long time and gradually told friends about it once it became too much of a burden to bear alone. And i would lie if i say that it was easy and didn't feel like a chore/a mistake sometimes. No matter the way i put it, it often resulted in awkward conversations either by ignorance or by lack of understanding/empathy, even with long time friends.

For most now, i'm just the weird guy with a crazy obsession and that's about it. It doesn't mean that some didn't try to understand either (thankfully) but even then, once it's told it didn't come up again, so the topic still remain taboo if i don't bring it up myself.

The only persons who "get it" for me was my ex-SO as she did experience limerence too and some other friends who have other mental issues themselves and in fact are more sensitive/aware on these kinds of subjects.


At the end of the day, whether you choose to tell people about it or not is up to you. But if you do, always remember that you give away the power in their hand and you never know what people will do with this information.
So choose carefully who you tell it to, as most won't be as understanding as you think they would be in these situations, close friends or not.

[Overthinker]

Most therapists don't even know what limerence is, so most likely anyone you tell is just not going to understand. I've avoided telling anyone but a couple of therapists and (partially) my SO. SO doesn't understand either, so I don't really bring it up anymore. It's sad that there is not more awareness and understanding of what we go through.

[Acrobatica]

Over the years, I’ve told many many people.

Almost everyone, except for ex SO, has been kind, understanding, and supportive about it. I have also bonded with many who have similar issues.

Through being open about it, it has made me realize I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Feelings should be felt.

Actions, however, especially those that impact others, should be carefully thought out.

In this whole process, I also discovered that some of my friends weren’t really friends. That was painful too.

[Steve_Fox]

Thanks for all of the responses.
I didn't think of all of these points before firing into telling my friend about this. I have a habit of doing that. Probably something I need to work on.
You guys are right. It was a pretty insensitive, jerky reply. Especially given how long I've known this person. I'll talk to them about it soon. I was expecting something else, so I will be careful from now on.
The silver lining is that this person is one of those friends who is still close with me but estranged to most of our other friends these days so they won't have a lot of people to blab to.

Thanks again.

[Guest]

I've actually considered telling my LO about limerence so he'd have the same reaction as your friend and hopefully never talk to me ever again. He knows I have a crush, and I've told him that I think about him too much, but I've only revealed the tip of the iceberg. If he knew how often I think about him, he'd be truly horrified and convinced that I'm insane (which I may be). I don't even really like him as a person - he's an asshole, narcissistic, selfish, immature, impulsive, and kinda weird.

It's the nuclear option, but I'm getting desperate at this point. I've tried everything else (NC/slow fade, the "not interested in being friends" just keep it professional talk, yadda, yadda), but he just won't let it go. I think he likes the ego boost I provide and professional help I give him at work.

It's been almost four years of this shit. It's a very unwelcome involuntary condition.

[Overthinker]

Guest, what you are talking about, disclosure to LO, is whole different subject. Search the forum for the word 'Disclose' and you'll find plenty of posts about that. It's an issue that brings a mixed bag of opinions, for sure. But it is a decision with plenty of residuals and consequences that should be made carefully. After 4 years, I can understand how you've reached that point.