LO birthday coming - how ?

[Hopeless Lomantic]

Hi everyone,
Having a dilemma now on how should I approach my LO birthday..

Should I pretend to completely not care about it.. drop her a text like a normal friend would or get all excited about it and invite her for a celebration..

For the past 2 years, we would have a celebratory lunch and this year will be different due to the wfh arrangements.

Its a silly question I know but the dynamic now is that I am still very much into her although I can feel the intensity dropping alot since COVID and working from home..

She enjoys the attention that I shower her and she seems to know when to reach out to get her dose ( I don't normally reach out but I respond enthusiastically when she does)

How to let her know that I care for her but in the most natural way. We are quite close and am wondering has anyone been in a similar dilemma.

You want your LO to be happy on her bd but yet you don't want to appear overly enthusiastic or unnatural.

[Chuck]

wondering has anyone been in a similar dilemma.

I am going to go out on a limb and say everyone here has been in a similar dilemma.

I would say, if you ultimately want this ride to end, just let it pass you by.

If you really feel that you need to at least acknowledge the day, keep it simple. Happy Birthday. Hope you're having a great day. Then move on.

The fact that you are asking the question and uncertain as to how to proceed speaks volumes about where you are at in your journey. Consider this another opportunity to take control.

[Cookie]

[quote="Hopeless Lomantic" post_id=70312 time=<a
I would say, if you ultimately want this ride to end, just let it pass you by.

Yep.

We tend to think that LOs are going to be so upset if WE miss their birthdays. I’m sorry to say that most of them won’t even notice, past traditions aside.

HLO, you use the words “natural” and “unnatural” in describing how your efforts should and shouldn’t be, which already indicates they are forced. Chuck seemed to be on that same track with his comments.

This is not worth any thought or worry, honestly. We’re talking about a grown adult’s birthday, not a six-year-old’s party. She’ll be fine!

[WishMagick]

I thought I was going to have a hard time not saying anything to LO on his birthday (it's not until September). But, we are friends on FB and there is NO way that he didn't see all the posts, reminders (and the big post my husband made wishing me a happy birthday) and he didn't breathe one word to me.

I really didn't expect him to, but, I am not going to wish him a happy birthday if he is not going to wish me a happy birthday. I am assuming he doesn't care about anyone's birthday but his wife's. And I also shouldn't care about anyone's birthday except my husband and children. (My parents are dead, but I care about their birthdays).

So, I would say: No. Don't say anything to your LO on their birthday. We are trying to get ourselves to not care so much! Lol!

[Sara]

Its weird why birthdays are so important ! I wished him last year and this year and i was also expecting that he wished me .. and he did.
I would have been upset if he forgot.
The point though is that hes not on facebook so we rlly have to remember the day etc we have no online reminder or friends in common which made it extra special.
I dont know why limerents make birthdays more special than they are!! Its his turn next lets see what will happen because we havent met physically since lockdown started in March.

But back to you : wish your LO a happy birthday if you feel like it! Its not that special!

[Maddie]

Amen to what many others have said. Chuck is right, imo. And what Wish said about the LO not wishing her a happy birthday , same here. Hurt like hell the first year. He's never wished me a hbd in 3 years and I ALWAYS wished him one-- but he claims to love me . I will not this year. So keep it minimal, I would say.

[Hopeless Lomantic]

Thanks for the advise, i hope I have the sensibility to minimise as much as possible..last year I wish her hbd shortly aft 12 n even got her a gift.. it is definitely over the top between colleagues and it hurts badly when she didn't rem my bd till late on the actual day.

Note to myself. Trivialise it.. plan something bigger for my SO instead.

[JupiterTaco]

I would just ignore it. What has this person done for you?

[Teana]

Depends on what you want to achieve. From your writing it seems like you are trying to still get closer to your lo?

If your goal is to get over your LO, then of course inviting her for a celebration is a bad move. In this case you should keep it short or not even say anything.

[Hopeless Lomantic]

Thanks Teena and Jupiter.. not trying to achieve anything except for inner peace.. and she has not done anything for me so this self inflict pain is like a bittersweet curse.. the grip is loosening for sure but I m not sure if I am happier cos of that.. it's such mixed feelings sometimes.