This forum is NOT a Safe Place.

[JupiterTaco]

I thought this was relevant to this thread and also to those in therapy. Be careful out there!
https://therapyconsumerguide.com/am-i-c ... zH-blNOkzR

[L-F]

The thing is, often people will not look objectively at both sides. I didn't 'attack' anyone because Acro isn't my sons LS. What did happen was that I was triggered should someone throw themselves at my son and then proceed to blame him. Was it Acro? No. Was I an arsehole? Yes.

The other thing is, is that I apologised. A long time ago.

And what others don't know, is that Acro had no issue talking to me like an adult via PM when she wanted me to do her a favour (long after my apology), which I did out of respect for her situation with her ex. No questions asked. No fuss made. So if I am that monster I'm painted out to be, why then would I comply? Why would I even entertain the idea let alone apologise?

I have no personal issue with Acro. Never have. And if she can talk to me like an adult when she wants something I'm pretty sure she can talk to me like an adult if she is still holding resentment.

The fact I hold the mantra 'look inwards' isn't something I bring to the forum, it's something I've learned on the forum and then applied to my limerence, which is what got me out of limerence, and additionally, out the drama triangle.

According to the DSM-5, many highly successful individuals display personality traits that might be considered narcissistic. Only when these traits are inflexible and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress do they constitute narcissistic personality disorder. Thus, its important to distinguish whether a person, partner, LO or whomever, is suffering from a mental illness vs just being an arsehole. Most likely they are just an arsehole. And if they do suffer from a mental illness, it doesn't look good poking fun at someone with an illness.

From personal experience I'd rather be limerent (the LS), than the object of that limerence (the LO). From my personal experience when someone becomes unhealthily fixated on you, there is nothing you can do as an LO to break that fixation (limerence). Even if I was an arsehole or picked my nose and ate it, it wouldn't change a thing. Only if they [the LS] find someone else to fixate on, time, or looked in the mirror, will do that.

There is no 'hate' on my part. Having learnt to forgive my abusers (I'm now emotionally and physically caring for one of my abusers), I've also learnt to let things go. No hate, no grudges, nothing. I do however, hold love in my heart for anyone who has sufferer any kind of abuse (financial, emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual, etc, and anyone suffering from limerence). Yes, this includes Acro, always has.

Go in peace, look after yourselves, stay safe from covid, protect yourselves (from further abuse) and protect your hearts. YOU are the center of it all, and YOU matter.


.....

And in case you didn't read it, thank you Cookie for apologizing for hassling me. It was very much appreciated.

[Former user]

"The thing is, often people will not look objectively at both sides. I didn't 'attack' anyone because Acro isn't my sons LS. What did happen was that I was triggered should someone throw themselves at my son and then proceed to blame him. Was it Acro? No. Was I an arsehole? Yes."

L-F, the problem is that somehow you manage to place yourself at the centre of almost every thread. However, you don't seem more evolved than the average user here. Otherwise you wouldn't have put yourself in the above situation in first place, for example. That's why so many members react against you.
Also, these super long explanatory posts you write... excusatio non petita, accusatio manifesta.
Compassion, as Acrobatica said. And a pinch of humbleness won't hurt.
As for the website administrator allowing so much condescending patronizing behaviour from one particular member, I believe this forum exists primarily to provide ground for research and case studies; perhaps he just wants things to carry on like that.
Greetings from a once upon a time a user. Will come back here next time I have insomnia.
Rachella
PS: Go, Acrobatica!!!!

[AMA210]

I have been a member here for nearly four years and only come back on occasion to post an update or read the current topics. This forum was a lifeline for me during a very turbulent time in my life, known as midlife limerence. Having the ability to post here and receive feedback on that or to hear that someone could relate to what I was going through was incredibly helpful. Being here and doing therapy, including codependency group therapy, pushed me through the very painful process. I am forever grateful to David for creating this forum and for all of the members who have shared their insights along the way!

My interactions with L-F were challenging, but her persistence in helping me to see LE from a different perspective did help. I thought of it as "tough love" and needed to hear it at that time. There was also a former member, Skex, who chose me to be the "poster child" for limerence. His rants were long and done often. I was the target of all of his inner anger and resentment. Initially, I was quite offended by his blatant assaults on my character, especially since he didn't know me personally, but after a while, I just ignored his posts and added him to the "foe" list so his posts would not show up. This alone should have deterred me from ever posting here again, but it didn't, and I am glad that I didn't take his accusations personally. Moving through that experience was a lesson in itself.

Today, I am confident to say that I am 100% recovered from LE. This forum was a tool that was used to work through it and especially since it was created by someone who had gone through it, that alone gave me the encouragement to conquer it.
So, I disagree that this is forum in not safe.

[David]

There was also a former member, Skex, who chose me to be the "poster child" for limerence. His rants were long and done often. I was the target of all of his inner anger and resentment. Initially, I was quite offended by his blatant assaults on my character, especially since he didn't know me personally, but after a while, I just ignored his posts and added him to the "foe" list so his posts would not show up. This alone should have deterred me from ever posting here again, but it didn't, and I am glad that I didn't take his accusations personally. Moving through that experience was a lesson in itself.

Good to see you here AMA and good to read your comments and progress. I know for many people, this forum has been an important part of their recovery as they email and PM me to tell me so.

I remember Skex well, he certainly rubbed a lot of people up the wrong way. I felt his perspective was important as he was on the other side of limerence, his partner having a limerent affair. We took a poll to see if he should be banned as he was causing such distress for some members. The overwhelming view was no, ho should be allowed to remain here. With time, he disappeared. As you say, the best way to respond is to ignore and add to your foes list.

[David]

As for the website administrator allowing so much condescending patronizing behaviour from one particular member, I believe this forum exists primarily to provide ground for research and case studies; perhaps he just wants things to carry on like that.

Couldn't be further from the truth. I have zero interest in research and dont consider myself an academic, far from it.

I run this forum as a way of giving back. Its precursor, Tribnes.net was a lifeline for me and when it dies, I wanted something to carry on the support I received and at that time still needed.