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Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

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anxiously

Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by anxiously »

I have a serious issue!

I am 35 male, divorced last year.
LO 33 married to my friend.

All I do is think about her all day, want nothing more than to see her face and talk to her. I know she wants to talk to me too. But here is the problem...
In her presence I feel extremely anxious!!!
I get sweaty palms, feel nervous about what I am saying, stutter a bit and perspire!!!
Due to this I am unable to see her on a regular basis, which I want to more than anything else.

Do you all have similar experience?
What can I do to curb my anxiety. Please help!!!
Since2013
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Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by Since2013 »

anxiously wrote: Fri Oct 09, 2020 5:38 pm IDo you all have similar experience?
Hi! I get anxious even if he's nowhere around, so I understand completely.

You think she's also interested in you?
anxiously

Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by anxiously »

Won't go into great detail, but I have been observing her for some time now and I have had many signs/indications which have led me to believe that she is indeed interested! Although, there is always a risk of misjudgement so I am aware that this could be just my limerent mind.
AMA210
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Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by AMA210 »

This is a very common effect of limerence. I think it originates from the place of wanting to be accepted by the LO (and not rejected) so much that it impedes our ability to get the words out or a coherent sentence!

In my experience, it didn't happen right away, but only after considerable amount of time was spent with the LO, I believe this anxiety leads into the need to rehearse or practice a future conversation with them. For me, it was first to come up with a script that I would say and then practice that over and over again. By the time I would get to the actual interaction, often it never went how I had planned and so I would have to quickly come up with alternatives. I would stutter and the words would come out as gibberish, so would have to start again, after several deep breaths.
It does improve with time and awareness of it, so the more you realize that you are doing it, the more you can work to stop doing it.
Hope this helps. :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
anxiously

Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by anxiously »

AMA210 wrote:
> In my experience, it didn't happen right away, but only after considerable
> amount of time was spent with the LO


Thank you AMA210, that really helped.

Please can you explain to me what you meant when you said "it didn't happen right away"... do you mean like right away in a single date,so suppose if you are seeing LO for a time period of say 3 hours in a day then the first 2 hours will be ok but in the last hour you'll be more anxious?
OR
Did you mean to say that in the beginning of your "relationship with LO" (if it can be called that!) you are less anxious but as time passes, days, weeks, months etc. you get more anxious?
AMA210
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Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by AMA210 »

anxiously wrote: Sun Oct 11, 2020 7:56 pm AMA210 wrote:
> In my experience, it didn't happen right away, but only after considerable
> amount of time was spent with the LO

Thank you AMA210, that really helped.

Please can you explain to me what you meant when you said "it didn't happen right away"... do you mean like right away in a single date,so suppose if you are seeing LO for a time period of say 3 hours in a day then the first 2 hours will be ok but in the last hour you'll be more anxious?
OR
Did you mean to say that in the beginning of your "relationship with LO" (if it can be called that!) you are less anxious but as time passes, days, weeks, months etc. you get more anxious?
Glad to be of help. To clarify, when I said "it didn't happen right away", it was more of that the anxiety and speechlessness did not begin to occur until I had known LO for at least six months. In the beginning, it was fine and then became that. So, yes, the second one. :D
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
anxiously

Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by anxiously »

Thanks again AMA210!!!
Interesting to hear about your situation. For me surprisingly the first option seems to be happening. When I meet her, at first I try to remain calm, initial few minutes go fine, but as time passes, I get more and more anxious, so much so that I am compelled to leave!!!!

Wish I knew how to overcome this.
AMA210
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Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by AMA210 »

anxiously wrote: Mon Oct 12, 2020 1:11 am Thanks again AMA210!!!
Interesting to hear about your situation. For me surprisingly the first option seems to be happening. When I meet her, at first I try to remain calm, initial few minutes go fine, but as time passes, I get more and more anxious, so much so that I am compelled to leave!!!!

Wish I knew how to overcome this.
Not sure if this was mentioned before, but I think the anxiety part of it has to do with a perceived rejection from the LO, even though it may not be the case, but there is so much fear surrounding this. If you register as a member, then you can look at all of the other threads available, and reading of others' experience with this, may help you.

You can overcome this! I had a very tough time with it, but did manage to make it through. It took time and perseverance, but if you try and look it as an opportunity for personal growth, that may at the very least, get you started. :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
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Daydreaming
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Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by Daydreaming »

The few times I have been close to LO my anxiety levels have been considerably high. I could barely think to try to maintain a natural dialogue.
Several times I also had to rehearse a dialogue before meeting LO.
I think the uncertainty of how LO is going to react in my presence was the biggest motivator for anxiety. Besides, everything had to be perfect, there was no possibility that I would make a stupid mistake.
I couldn't sleep on the nights before my probable meeting with LO.
There are sensations that are sleeps, that occupy like a mist the whole length of the spirit, that do not allow us to think, that do not allow us to act, that do not clearly allow us to be.
― Fernando Pessoa
anxiously

Re: Considerable anxiety in the presence of LO

Post by anxiously »

@ AMA210 ... thanks again. I will check out what you have suggested.

@ Daydreaming, I can completely relate! I also rehearse what I will say before meeting, and sometimes I wonder if that is the reason why I feel even more anxious around her. Same with the sleepless night before meeting too! I can't sleep for all the anticipation.

Once I was supposed to see her at lunchtime, I was extremely restless that entire morning. I was in my car and driving towards the restaurant way before time

Meeting her bloody feels like I am going for some sort of high-position job interview! And... my life depends on getting that job! Limerence sucks!
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