New thing to obsess about

[AnnieKaye9924]

I have been stuck in this current LE for years. There was mutual disclosure 2 years ago & we (mostly me) decided not to act on it & just be friends. This is a coworker, close friend, and we share an office. We see each other every day, text, talk about everything, eat lunch together every day, are very comfortable together. I have always been miserably jealous & possessive of him. He has other relationships that I am incredibly jealous of, even when it’s clearly irrational. This has been the case even long before disclosure.

Reading this board has given me a new fear to obsess about: what if my LO has experienced transference from me and is now limerent for someone else? I see it all the time on this board. The thought is unbearable to me: that he would maintain a close relationship with me while being obsessed with someone else. He will post on social media & I’m wondering who it was for. He will sometimes leave work 1/2 day without really saying anything & I’m mad with curiosity wondering what he’s doing. I think back to how obsessed he was with me and the ways that I could sense that obsession & I look for signs that he’s obsessed with someone else.

Anyone else experienced this specific fear? Of course it’s possible, or is this me just getting g caught in the limerent web of obsession & ruminations? Anyone ever experienced transferrence & how did it affect how you interacted with the previous LO?

[Teana]

Do you have OCD?

[AnnieKaye9924]

Yes.

[Katrulz]

I’ve experienced transference a few times now. In most of mine, previous LOs became less interesting, more normal. The reason for this I suppose is that I stopped trying to get close to them / fantasise bout them / daydream about could bes. Eventually the brain desensitises and lowers them from a pedestal. The time it takes to do this depends on how deep you are. If you’re thinking of him every minute, could take 6 months before you realise that you haven’t thought about him for a week.

For me though, one old transferred LO persisted in importance and that was because some rare fantasising remained. I.e it wasn’t a full transference.

If you’re desiring to transfer from your LO to another person, bear in mind that it’s possible but if you don’t full transfer (i.e retain any special fondness and think of him in your spare time) then you will never fully get away. If you decide for yourself that you’ll break away completely, you need to stop yourself every single time you start fantasising /dreaming / reminiscing of him. Not just for a month or a year but forever.

The decision to attempt a transference means you accept the incoming pain and joy of being a limerent and want to continue the addiction. There will never just be the highs. There’ll always be the lows too so bear that in mind.