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As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
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Need my life back
Re: Need my life back
Hello and welcome to the forum. So glad that you have found this place. Lots of support here and similar experiences! 
I was stuck in this mud pit and for over two years. I will encourage you by saying that you have taken the first step by recognizing and admitting that you are in this, and want to get out of it! Sometimes, this is the hardest step.
You can do this, as others have, as well as myself. Sometimes the force is sheer will and other times, it is relentless determination. It is often a process that is filled with a lot of back and forth progress. Two steps forward, one step back. The key here is to not give up trying -- even when you think you are making no progress, keep at it, and even when you can barely see the light at the top, and think you have made it, the limerence will creep back in, and you might slide back down -- it doesn't matter, just keep on trying. One day, you will conquer it.
The LE can be an insidious, and often unwelcome and unanticipated invader, that forces us to look deep within ourselves and offers the opportunity for personal transformation.
I wish you well on your journey.
I was stuck in this mud pit and for over two years. I will encourage you by saying that you have taken the first step by recognizing and admitting that you are in this, and want to get out of it! Sometimes, this is the hardest step.
You can do this, as others have, as well as myself. Sometimes the force is sheer will and other times, it is relentless determination. It is often a process that is filled with a lot of back and forth progress. Two steps forward, one step back. The key here is to not give up trying -- even when you think you are making no progress, keep at it, and even when you can barely see the light at the top, and think you have made it, the limerence will creep back in, and you might slide back down -- it doesn't matter, just keep on trying. One day, you will conquer it.
The LE can be an insidious, and often unwelcome and unanticipated invader, that forces us to look deep within ourselves and offers the opportunity for personal transformation.
I wish you well on your journey.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
Re: Need my life back
Just know it can take some time. Different panics and pains crept in through NC. It can get tough as you deny yourself your latest thing that is supporting you. You are using the LO for that, and it's hard to cut out what you want, but need to let go of. As I let go it felt like I was letting go of everything. Which is kind of true as I lived through the relationship instead of being a part of it. I still struggle with that as I feel I have to cut everything away as I wrapped myself in these relationships in order to feel normal. It causes such sadness as I don't want any of it to go away. Not sure if that is common to the experience, but as an example of what you may need to uncover. Certainly we use the LO as an internal support that shouldn't have taken place. Ask why. It also helped to think what was I thinking just before the daydream Stress, anxiety, hurt and pain? Then I unraveled a bit why I can't deal with it and what caused me to do that. I'm not sure the sadness will leave, it gets softer most of the time, but remains, at least in this phase. My life didn't come back, that one is brutal--how can I move foreward with out that life, IDK. Day at a time.
Re: Need my life back
Welcome! You've taken a huge step towards reclaiming your life! Hello freedom!! This forum has greatly helped me! It has taken a couple years but I think I'm moving on. It's been rough and I have made some crappy decisions...but the freedom I'm experiencing now is a major relief!! Keep posting. You got this!!
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Need my life back
...
Last edited by Limlife on Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Need my life back
Im doing the same 
in the same situation!!
Good luck its haaard!!! My le got manageable.
Im happy with my husband and loves him. But i also fell hard for my LO constant checking of his and his wife social media, constant thoughts etc
We became very close with lockdown and now chats every day. It has calmed my LE to know he also likes me and validates me. I know its weird to text a former colleague every day for no reason other than liking him but life is complicated... im learning to deal with it like that rather than NC.
One contact a day is a good balance. For me.
Sometimes he reaches out sometimes its me.
in the same situation!!Good luck its haaard!!! My le got manageable.
Im happy with my husband and loves him. But i also fell hard for my LO constant checking of his and his wife social media, constant thoughts etc
We became very close with lockdown and now chats every day. It has calmed my LE to know he also likes me and validates me. I know its weird to text a former colleague every day for no reason other than liking him but life is complicated... im learning to deal with it like that rather than NC.
One contact a day is a good balance. For me.
Sometimes he reaches out sometimes its me.
Re: Need my life back
...
Last edited by Limlife on Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Need my life back
I experienced Limerence back in 1986-1987. Took maybe 2 years and a relationship to get over it. She was a fellow College student who wanted to be an English Teacher. About two months ago I found her. She had passed away a year before. Found her picture online in a yearbook. My Limerence returned for about 6 weeks now as a result! Limerence seems to activate pleasure signals in the brain like a drug. COLD TURKEY! No contact no snooping online etc.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Re: Need my life back
...
Last edited by Limlife on Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Need my life back
I feel for you bud. I remember the first day of NC. I was a wreck. If someone as weak as I can get through it though you can too.
You may experience physical shaking, crying, shouting in your head, logical rationales to take small steps like checking on her. Your own brain will be cruel but you can do it.
The longer you tell yourself no, the easier it will get. It’s not one day at a time it’s one hour at a time.
Find a distraction, a passion. It’ll seem possible perhaps as you may feel empty inside but force yourself to do new things to go new places to get away from triggers. Hide your phone if you can!!
Be strong even though it hurts so much.
We understand and are with you.
You may experience physical shaking, crying, shouting in your head, logical rationales to take small steps like checking on her. Your own brain will be cruel but you can do it.
The longer you tell yourself no, the easier it will get. It’s not one day at a time it’s one hour at a time.
Find a distraction, a passion. It’ll seem possible perhaps as you may feel empty inside but force yourself to do new things to go new places to get away from triggers. Hide your phone if you can!!
Be strong even though it hurts so much.
We understand and are with you.
Married Female In 30s
Multiple LO's since primary school ending with reciprication, transference, starvation and burnout.
Started NC 10/12/18 with last platonic LO.
Multiple LO's since primary school ending with reciprication, transference, starvation and burnout.
Started NC 10/12/18 with last platonic LO.
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