What to do if I am someone's LO?

[confusedLO]

Hey. So, I just discovered the concept of limerence and the only reason I discovered it was because an ex friend tried to initiate contact with me again through a different account and mentioned it at some point. (Long story.)

Basically I have an ex friend, turned cybertsalker. They've done a lot of things to be obsessive, breach my privacy and stuff directly towards me that honestly were just abusive in nature. So I cut it all off. However, even after cutting it, they've still attempted contact on multiple occasions- and can't seem to get it through their head that its over. I speak about it very casually, but it's because I don't want to ramble on. When I say these things they were things that dragged on for months and hurt me deeply after years of trust.

They're manipulating, obsessive, and so far have shown no improvement even with strict NC. (And no hope of that ever changing.)
I don't even awknowlege their efforts. I just bump up security and ignore it, I don't message them, post about them, or engage with them (if i know its them, that is.)

In other words there's no encouragement on my end to keep up bad behavior. Do I wait this out? This has been going on since March. I summarized a lot of what happened for the sake of brevity, but really I just don't want to talk to this person anymore, they're too scary.

Anyways, any insight appreciated.

[Katrulz]

I’ve been on the receiving end like you. Unfortunately lack of contact does make things worse for the first few months. However, eventually it should die down enough to be manageable.

A kindness would be to let them know about limerence, that it’s an chemical addiction powered by fantasy. Perhaps they don’t know.

One thing that feeds limerence is uncertainty. They must think theres still a tiny sliver of hope for a thing between you and them. If you ever get the courage to reach out to them again, Flatten their hope for a relationship without mercy. Tell them there’s no chance. Tell them you don’t even want to be friends.

This condition sucks for both parties. It’s hard for them and it’s hard for you. Don’t let pity for them let your guard down though. Listen to your gut and keep your distance long term; as you’ll find that limerence does make people crazy and do things they wouldn’t normally do. We get drives and needs that are almost impossible to stop.

Be strong. For the both of you.

[confusedLO]

Hi. thanks.
the only reason i know about limerence is because they mentioned it so I'm sure they're already familiar with the concept. even if they weren't i don't think it'd really be my job to help them in any way

" If you ever get the courage to reach out to them again, Flatten their hope for a relationship without mercy. Tell them there’s no chance. Tell them you don’t even want to be friends."

done and done. multiple times. stopped responding even in hopes that complete silence my deter them

" This condition sucks for both parties. It’s hard for them and it’s hard for you. Don’t let pity for them let your guard down though. Listen to your gut and keep your distance long term; as you’ll find that limerence does make people crazy and do things they wouldn’t normally do. We get drives and needs that are almost impossible to stop.

Be strong. For the both of you."


yeah i'll keep it up, i don't feel any pity just wondering how long this may go on for
ill be strong for me, not for them im really sorry but they dont deserve it. thanks for the response tho

[marko]

Be blunt and forceful, make yourself clear. We will twist a kick in the nuts into a wonderful bouquet of hope. Remember, a sick individual is trying to use your reciprocation to become better. Twisted evil it all is.

[Katrulz]

If your stalker knows about limerence then either they refuse to let go or are struggling to.

Regarding timing of how long NC takes to have effect, it really depends on what reminders they have of you around and how far down the rabbit hole they are.

Is your social media locked down so that strangers cannot see posts and photos? If so good.

We can go months with no reminders and feed our condition with memories and fantasies. But eventually with nothing new, our interest wanes and we either get a huge drive to get contact or other people start to be interesting again to us. However if we get something new, that can sustain us a further few months. That’s the danger you face.

If your stalker has nothing new to feed off, they should lose most of their interest within 6mths depending on how far gone they are. Perhaps then they will cling onto someone else but keep up the NC.

[JupiterTaco]

Keep strict boundaries if only to yourself, but it's better they know for obvious reasons. Don't interact whatsoever in a way that can be misconstrued. Evaluate whether you did anything to contribute (can take years to realize), and if so, change that behavior with new people.

Be cognizant of extinction bursts. The person may up the ante with you at various times. Understand that when this happens, it's an addiction and has little to do with you. Even if it's possible you led them on unintentionally, limerence is about them and what's missing in themselves.

[IvB]

I would like to add that stalking in my eyes is a whole different level. I may be in unrequited love with my LO but I would never want to hurt or inconvenience or stalk him and if he told me clearly that he doesn't want to hear from me, I would immediately cease all contact and delete his number.

[John]

If they are being abusive this does not sound typical of limerence. They may have other serious issues going on and I would definitely keep my distance.