Umpteenth attempt! :(
NC begins Nov/26/2020
Can we last until Christmas?
Let's see!
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Here we go again!!!!!!
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Same here. 2nd day today. We can do it!
-
itry
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Got a text from him last night... couldn't ignore... ended up replying and seeing his pics.. feeling awful today :(
Better luck IvB!
Better luck IvB!
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Lucky you. I would do the same but he sure as hell won't write. Makes it easier indeed as right now I don't have a way to write him without embarrassing myself so I won't. But I miss it very much. Evenings are the worse.
Does your communication continue or did it die down again?
Does your communication continue or did it die down again?
-
itry
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
How I wish the communication dies down, but it never does, does it? Not completely :(
He always leaves just a little hope of life in it, a chance of revival, a possibility that we will communicate and connect, the hope that we will become good friends who will care about each other's feelings and be there for each other.
I wait and wait for him to pay attention to me, say a word, make a gesture... throw a crumb at me, but he never does until I am waiting... then as soon as I am ready to bury it forever and start to feel a little relieved that the agony will be over soon... lo and behold, he says "Hi, how are you?" with a nice smiley face.
His timing is uncanny, don't know how he knows exactly when to pull me back and revive our communication from the brink of death... and then he strangles the communication again but not fully... the cycle repeats :(
What is your situation IvB? Is your LO as cruel as mine?
He always leaves just a little hope of life in it, a chance of revival, a possibility that we will communicate and connect, the hope that we will become good friends who will care about each other's feelings and be there for each other.
I wait and wait for him to pay attention to me, say a word, make a gesture... throw a crumb at me, but he never does until I am waiting... then as soon as I am ready to bury it forever and start to feel a little relieved that the agony will be over soon... lo and behold, he says "Hi, how are you?" with a nice smiley face.
His timing is uncanny, don't know how he knows exactly when to pull me back and revive our communication from the brink of death... and then he strangles the communication again but not fully... the cycle repeats :(
What is your situation IvB? Is your LO as cruel as mine?
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Really, how can he know so well? Is he maybe also trying NC and just gives up at the same time?? Or do you think he is manipulative?
My LO is not cruel, not intentionally. But he was the one who got me limerent (well, I fell for all the compliments and attention, even though I am married) because he was apparently interested in me for a long time and now he is the one who is no longer limerent (I watched a YouTube video about the phases of limerence) and I am. Nowadays he never starts the conversation, I always do which makes me feel more and more embarrassed. So hopefully this time I won't give up. Like you say, I wouldn't mind to be just friends, just to know how his life is going but he has lots of other friends and is not interested in just a friendly chat.
My LO is not cruel, not intentionally. But he was the one who got me limerent (well, I fell for all the compliments and attention, even though I am married) because he was apparently interested in me for a long time and now he is the one who is no longer limerent (I watched a YouTube video about the phases of limerence) and I am. Nowadays he never starts the conversation, I always do which makes me feel more and more embarrassed. So hopefully this time I won't give up. Like you say, I wouldn't mind to be just friends, just to know how his life is going but he has lots of other friends and is not interested in just a friendly chat.
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Itry, you jinxed it. He actually wrote today! Started with "I am thinking about you" so that made me happy. Turned out that he was just horny...of course I can't tell him no so did some sexting and then finished and there is silence from his side again. Does it make me a call girl or something? But on the other hand the contact came from his side so I am not taking it as my failure! Will keep the NC going from my side and try to get my revived emotions under control again...
-
itry
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
@IvB ... to answer your question ...
"Really, how can he know so well? Is he maybe also trying NC and just gives up at the same time?? Or do you think he is manipulative?"
You said it! To be honest, I myself have this doubt that he is also trying NC, and as you suspect... his "give-up time" sometimes gets over right when I am.also struggling and that's why he pulls me back in.
If he is manipulating then... I am just waiting for his next move.
I want to be manipulated by him! How sad! :(
Actually our situation is different, we are still only "polite friends".
D-day hasn't occured yet, things have been said only through eyes, covertly, but no true admissions yet. Very strong attraction on both sides though.
Oh my! How it would feel to confess to him and hear his confession. That'll be the day!
As of now, we are not as "intimate" as you seem to be. How lucky for you!
Secretly I am jealous of your "sexting" but happy for you too.. and ultimately sorry ...because I know it must be a pain at the same time...
NO YOU ARE NOT A CALL GIRL
Limerence is a pain, it's a problem, a desease! Don't be hard on yourself.
Limerent mind can be very confusing, I get you! :(
Somewhere deep down I wish to take my relationship with him to that level but I don't have the courage to reveal and ask, besides, he would expect me to give him more than just sexting which I wont be able to.
Deeper... way deeper down I know this is all wrong and I dont want it!!!
Huhhhh!!! :(
BTW can I ask your opinion about something please?
Do you think he is trying NC repeatedly because he knows about "limerence" and knows that NC is the only cure, or is he doing it even though he doesn't know the technical term or the suggested cure but just has this gut feeling that NC will help him get rid of me from his mind. (I know he is limerent too)
I'd be interested to know what you think.
Thanks in advance :)
(Hope your LO reaches out again soon and hope you get the courage to deny him! Best luck!)
"Really, how can he know so well? Is he maybe also trying NC and just gives up at the same time?? Or do you think he is manipulative?"
You said it! To be honest, I myself have this doubt that he is also trying NC, and as you suspect... his "give-up time" sometimes gets over right when I am.also struggling and that's why he pulls me back in.
If he is manipulating then... I am just waiting for his next move.
I want to be manipulated by him! How sad! :(
Actually our situation is different, we are still only "polite friends".
D-day hasn't occured yet, things have been said only through eyes, covertly, but no true admissions yet. Very strong attraction on both sides though.
Oh my! How it would feel to confess to him and hear his confession. That'll be the day!
As of now, we are not as "intimate" as you seem to be. How lucky for you!
Secretly I am jealous of your "sexting" but happy for you too.. and ultimately sorry ...because I know it must be a pain at the same time...
NO YOU ARE NOT A CALL GIRL
Limerence is a pain, it's a problem, a desease! Don't be hard on yourself.
Limerent mind can be very confusing, I get you! :(
Somewhere deep down I wish to take my relationship with him to that level but I don't have the courage to reveal and ask, besides, he would expect me to give him more than just sexting which I wont be able to.
Deeper... way deeper down I know this is all wrong and I dont want it!!!
Huhhhh!!! :(
BTW can I ask your opinion about something please?
Do you think he is trying NC repeatedly because he knows about "limerence" and knows that NC is the only cure, or is he doing it even though he doesn't know the technical term or the suggested cure but just has this gut feeling that NC will help him get rid of me from his mind. (I know he is limerent too)
I'd be interested to know what you think.
Thanks in advance :)
(Hope your LO reaches out again soon and hope you get the courage to deny him! Best luck!)
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Hi!
Personally it sounds like he is also limerent and hooked to the brain chemicals. His timing will always be right as if you are thinking about him as much as I do about my LO the contact is bound to coincide with a thought.
Much like gambling, the win always seems to come at the right time. It doesn’t, you just block out all the times the win didn’t land. It unfortunately is the nature of the addiction and reading into it what you want.
I truly believe the only sure way through it is NC and I know how hard and painful that is, having spent nearly six months with only one thing on my mind. But I have to see each day with NC as a win, not the other way around. The last time I broke NC was 2 months ago and it was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me, as I felt the guilt and shame I used to when I gambled. I knew then that no matter how hard it got, I absolutely didn’t want to feel the same guilt and shame feelings that were triggered that day. Does it get easier? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, and I truly believe it is one of the hardest addictions to conquer.
Good luck and don’t beat yourself up, it only makes the limerence stronger.
Personally it sounds like he is also limerent and hooked to the brain chemicals. His timing will always be right as if you are thinking about him as much as I do about my LO the contact is bound to coincide with a thought.
Much like gambling, the win always seems to come at the right time. It doesn’t, you just block out all the times the win didn’t land. It unfortunately is the nature of the addiction and reading into it what you want.
I truly believe the only sure way through it is NC and I know how hard and painful that is, having spent nearly six months with only one thing on my mind. But I have to see each day with NC as a win, not the other way around. The last time I broke NC was 2 months ago and it was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me, as I felt the guilt and shame I used to when I gambled. I knew then that no matter how hard it got, I absolutely didn’t want to feel the same guilt and shame feelings that were triggered that day. Does it get easier? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, and I truly believe it is one of the hardest addictions to conquer.
Good luck and don’t beat yourself up, it only makes the limerence stronger.
-
itry
Re: Here we go again!!!!!!
Well said @Spadge100, about "the win always seems to come at the right time" that's so true, it only "seems" so.
Wow! Have you been NC 6 months?? I am impressed! I have only just started trying but regularly break it :(
What made you break it 2 months ago? Just curious.
Do let me know your situation too please (if you like). Good luck with NC, hope you achieve your goal.
Wow! Have you been NC 6 months?? I am impressed! I have only just started trying but regularly break it :(
What made you break it 2 months ago? Just curious.
Do let me know your situation too please (if you like). Good luck with NC, hope you achieve your goal.
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