Social Media NC - LO's SO

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AMA210
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Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by AMA210 »

Hi all,
This thread is more for me so I can get this out of my head, and in that process, may help someone along the way.

Fortunately, LO is not on social media. Although, his SO is, which has caused me to check up on or keep up with updates on LO. There was nothing posted for about 1 1/2 years and then in November of 2019, the updates came in daily. Unfortunately, this quickly became a habit, despite learning some rather despicable behaviors about LO. The facade was well maintained until October of 2020 when the posts decreased. At one point, I had been checking twice a day, despite knowing that I didn't want to continue doing it, but seemed to be a final root of the limerence that needed to be yanked out.

About a week before I decided to put the block on her, I went down to 4 times/week, and then, just like that, blocked her on Feb. 17. The first two days were rough, but there was improvement. Now it's coming up on 2 weeks, and every day I wrestle with taking her off and looking, and yet every day, I don't actually do this. I think some of this might be due to the fact that if I look, I will be more inclined to continue looking, and having to wait for 2 days, before blocking again, will go to a free for all in that period of time.

I don't want to break my streak more than I want to break it, so that is really good. LO's birthday is coming up on March 5, so that day will be difficult for me.

Thanks for reading. :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
IvB
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by IvB »

Well done Ama! I know how difficult it is. Blocked Instagram, then unblocked, then blocked again and since then it's ok, I don't have the need to unblock. But I check often on Fb messenger if he was online, just to see if he is ok. Trying to decrease that too, luckily he posts little on Fb. Eventually I will unfriend him but not yet...
AMA210
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by AMA210 »

Thanks, IvB.
Small steps seem to make the difference.
You are making progress....keep going!
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
mamasita
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by mamasita »

Hi Ama,
I understand! It always amazes me how quick I slip into obsessive behaviors when it comes to LO. I feel like "I got this" and then I loosen my grip, only to have a harmless peek, and then "here and there" and then, wow, I'm thinking about him a LOT. @-) When I don't indulge those feelings, I am ALWAYS proud of me. When I indulge the feelings, it's ALWAYS a setback. You got this!
Aysheal
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by Aysheal »

Thank you for this post AMA. This is helpful for me.

I didn't realize how important it is for me to stop looking for information on the internet. Also what is related to him, anything that can make me think of him.

I stopped on February 24th (almost a week ago). It's still difficult and I can’t stop thinking about my LO all day long, but my mood is better overall, no doubt!
This morning, I saw a photo of him, by chance (Google recommendation, thanks Google!). Since then, I feel sadder and less optimistic.
I’ve been L several times. It didn’t last long bc I got all flustered in front of my LO: it was so unpleasant I quickly got over it. This time, my LO is an actor, I’ve no chance to be in contact with him and the LE has been going on for almost 2 years.
Spadge100
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi Aysheal

Definitely avoid the social media side and I recommend blocking all access. Some of them are harder to block than others. I got caught out by Google photos as somehow we were friends on there and one popped up. As you say thanks Google.

Social media is like a little hit and never a good one. People don’t post bad things so you get a glimpse into the version they wish to portray.

I feel a lot calmer and better by not using SM at all now. My real friends I talk to or message directly. It’s liberating not to use it. Yes you feel a bit disconnected at first but soon realise you aren’t disconnected from those that really matter.
Aysheal
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by Aysheal »

Spadge100 wrote: Mon Mar 01, 2021 6:41 pm Definitely avoid the social media side... Social media is like a little hit and never a good one. People don’t post bad things so you get a glimpse into the version they wish to portray.
You’re totally right! And more generally, social media can sometimes be depressing for this reason.
It’s a little different for AMA because her LO isn’t on SM, but it’s obviously painful to follow his SO. (it would be even more painful than following my LO I guess, I imagine I’d cry sometimes after checking...)
I’ve been L several times. It didn’t last long bc I got all flustered in front of my LO: it was so unpleasant I quickly got over it. This time, my LO is an actor, I’ve no chance to be in contact with him and the LE has been going on for almost 2 years.
AMA210
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by AMA210 »

@Aysheal: "It’s a little different for AMA because her LO isn’t on SM, but it’s obviously painful to follow his SO. (it would be even more painful than following my LO I guess, I imagine I’d cry sometimes after checking...)"

I may be one of the few or only one whose LO is not on SM. I do know the SO as well, having volunteered with her and aware of her personality. I always wondered how he ended up with her, but based solely on the way she is, obviously a people pleaser with more empathetic traits.
Unfortunately, I was triangulated quite often with her, and of course, didn't know that is what it was.
It's important to remember that social media paints a rosy and quite wonderful picture, but often times, is just not reality. In the past year, I had discovered several facts about LO that literally made me cringe.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
Aysheal
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by Aysheal »

My LO likes praising his wife on SM. They seem to be a perfect couple. But you're totally right, AMA, it can reflect reality or just be an idealized image. I have a friend who regularly declared her love for her (now ex) husband on FB; at the same time, she confided to me that she was thinking more and more about divorce.

Anyway, seeing a picture of my LO is much more painful for me than daydreaming about him, and seeing a picture of him with his wife is even more painful. That’s why I wonder how you manage to be in contact with his SO without suffering too much each time.
I’ve been L several times. It didn’t last long bc I got all flustered in front of my LO: it was so unpleasant I quickly got over it. This time, my LO is an actor, I’ve no chance to be in contact with him and the LE has been going on for almost 2 years.
AMA210
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Re: Social Media NC - LO's SO

Post by AMA210 »

I am not friends with her on FB and never was. So all of this comes from the posts available to anyone. I am trying to stay with the belief that I consider myself fortunate to have escaped from him and that I don't care what he does or doesn't do. I hadn't realized it was such a problem for me until I read some of the other posts related to SM.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
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