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Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

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David
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Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by David »

just read Elon Musk’s announcement that he has Asperger’s. That doesn’t surprise me at all and I reckon a few others who operate at those lofty levels maybe have the condition – Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs come to mind as possibilities.

Just last week I was watching a YouTube video with Prof Simon Baron-Cohen (better known as the cousin of Sacha) who is a world expert on Autism. He also used to be a trigger for my own limerence.

In his talk, he mentioned some research used as a diagnostic tool on how people on the spectrum have greater challenges in reading facial cues of emotions that a person may be feeling. People were shown images of the eyes of someone expressing an emotion. In the image he showed, SO immediately guessed correctly the emotion, whilst I had no idea. The test is known as the Reading the Mind in the Eyes and can be found by a google search.

Many years ago my own therapist mentioned I may be on the spectrum however I didn’t take her seriously. And then on the limerence.net forum a contributor posted up a poll about are you more neurodiverse (another label for being on the spectrum) or are you neurotypical? Of those that responded, there did seem to be a higher preponderance of people with limerence and being neurodiverse – about half of us had high scores indicating being neurodiverse whereas the rate of being on the spectrum is thought to be around 1 in 60 in the general population.

I have wondered if I am on the spectrum, how can I function well as a psychotherapist? I have a busy practice so I must be doing something right. Clients tell me they like my directness, my knowledge and ability to explain things clearly, that I’m non-judgemental and they feel like I get them. I think what has helped is I am high on the empathy scale and have an IQ high enough to be in Mensa, although I never joined when I did the test in 1980.

I then googled can a therapist be on the spectrum?. A psychotherapist on the spectrum listed the following qualities that made her a therapist in demand. I could answer yes to everyone of the qualities listed. I’ve amended her list below to reflect my own position:

>I excel at problem-solving, and that is what people come in for. I am able to see things that other therapists cannot, because my brain does not filter information out, so I pick up cues other people miss.
>I have mirror-emotion synesthesia which means I can literally feel what you are feeling. This helps me identify, understand, and empathize with you.
>I do not judge anyone. As a result of my lack of judgment, my patients feel genuinely accepted.
>I care that my patients are happy, and I am genuinely concerned about them; I have high empathy for those in distress.
>I am obsessive about wanting to do the best job possible so I do a lot of studying and research — its why ive understand limerence so deeply.
>I have a degree in medicine and surgery and post graduate diplomas in counselling, psychotherapy and leadership coaching. I have completed many training courses; I am always obtaining more education.
>If I don’t know the answer, I will find it. Research demonstrates that people with ASD have an increased ability to focus attention on certain tasks
>Neurotypicals may ‘waste’ time on some activities such as socializing and small talk, people with ASD can concentrate for extended periods of time on reading, experimenting, writing, etc.
>I have had C-PTSD, and so I personally understand what it is to experience trauma, and how to navigate it.

Reading through this list and applying it to limerence, I think there are some parallels. What do you think?
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Significant other
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Re: Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by Significant other »

Hi David:
I'm going to touch on certain aspects of your post where I have some experience.
I have two daughters, 19 and 14 years old.
The oldest is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, and is currently being treated for trichotillomania with medication and psychology. She is still sweet and a tenacious student.

The minor is somewhat more complicated, it is highly Hyperactive and for years we believed (family members, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, school educators, teachers) that it was mostly Asperger. It shared 70-80%, of traits. qualified as highly functional. He is quite intelligent. But she needs constant attention, usually from his mother, to be able to continue studying, socializing,etc ...
She goes to a center specialized in Autism spectrum and is controlled every 4 months by a prestigious pediatric neurologist specializing in hiperactivity (perhaps the best in Spain).
He always maintained that the main diagnosis is the hyperactivity and the rest: Asperger's, Obsessive compulsive disorder,etc ... were concomitant, secondary.
Apparently more than 50% of men and more than 30% of women, with hiperactivity , have other associated pathologies, OCD, impulsivity,
EA .... etc

We have even done several genetic tests, although no conclusion has been reached, but obviously, it is a genetic matter, it comes from my family, specifically from my mother,very clear hyperactive, extremely intelligent, with 5 superior careers, impossible to stop at despite his 83 years ... also OCD.

I was "dyslexic" when I was young (there were no more diagnoses), also OCD, I suppose ... it was never mentioned in my previous psychoanalytic treatment, but my friends and family give me clues (I think things too much, rigidity of thought...), currently in treatment for disorder of adaptive anxiety, for fear of divorce / separation, due to my SO's limerence.

My SO is very intelligent, like her brother and mother, but very clueless.
I only knew her father for 3 years, although he was an orphan, he did not present special personality characteristics,perhaps only a bit of Coldness (so describes him my SO) (*), her mother has a phobia of being alone in the country house especially at night and possible OCD of cleanliness / order, but sentimentally she is a love .

So, I would say that in my case it is the other way around.

(*) - Lack of primary attachment, In her LE???? -I'm not, like DOC ,the champ of showing sentiments.
Other significant childhood traumas: Delusions and / or hallucinations when her grandfather died.
Nightmares with spiders, snakes, and especially dying from not taking a pill.
David
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Re: Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by David »

SO, thanks for sharing your own experience so candidly.

Ive been watching more videos from those on the spectrum and can see how Ive masked it over the years. I think ND's add a lot what it is to be human and perhaps are the next evolutionary step! Well of course I would say that.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Significant other
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Re: Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by Significant other »

I think If you don't use psychoanalytic therapy techniques, where the dissonance of the speech (the symbolic / conscious) and the facial expressions of the patient (the real or imaginary / unconscious) are fundamental "clues" of the conflict to work on, there will be no problem.
Anyway, everything in this life can be learned, trained ... my daughter has worked on it with success - facial expression recognition.
You can look silent old films,Chaplin,etc...
A hug.
N G Hollis
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Re: Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by N G Hollis »

Hi there - I have recently come out of my very first limerent episode at the age of 44!. Has taken 3 years for me to finally accept having closure on the fantasy in my mind and to try and move on from indulging in thoughts that were not getting me anywhere. It completely derailed me and my identity as it was for someone of the same sex (a women that I met through work on a project that only lasted a few months).
There was a few things going on in my life at the time (a house break in, some struggles with my youngest son which was causing a wedge in my marriage and a job offer rejection) so feeling a bit moopy.
During this whole process of me moving through this awful time of infatuation and confusion, my youngest son has since been diagnosed with ASD (he is 9 yo). But on many of my searches with regards to Limerence I found a few patterns appearing about Limerence/Aspergers/ASD.
It’s really got me thinking - many of those traits you say about yourself David in the above sound very similar to me. My mum always use to say I should have been a counsellor as very caring and was always the problem solver/ear to hear my friends issues. I’ve then done research on co-dependcy, people pleasing and all that jazz, but do wonder if perhaps I have more ASD signs than anything else. I had a good upbringing - not had much trauma in my life - but find that maybe others could be relating too the fact that maybe their mind is more nurodiverse hence the Limerence spells. I also wonder too if this person I fell for had the same issues - nurodiverse/high functioning ASD. I guess I will never really know but we both had very similar traits - or a strange way of being on the same wavelength! Love for more research to be done on the topic of ASD and Limerence if you do get the time. I’ve also reflected on my father who also has similar characteristics to myself and my youngest son and wonder again if he might by on the spectrum too? Interesting topic indeed. Thanks for listening 😊
David
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Re: Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by David »

Welcome NG and I look forward to reading more about your own journey
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Re: Working as a therapist with Aspergers and its connection to limerence

Post by L-F »

I can 100% relate to the list you posted David. What stood out for me which relates back to my LE are the firing up of the mirror neurons. So much so I would read all text (psyche books and the like) in her voice. This was prior to understanding I was limerent.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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