Been out of it for a year

[AnonAustralia]

I’ve been out of my most current limerence for a year now. He blocked my messages and after being in limerence to him for 4 years, I was able to finally look at being blocked as the end. I quickly moved on from this. So honestly it was the finality that made me give up emotionally.

4 years though!

The first year I was suicidal because I was in such an ocd pattern. For 4 years I only thought of him. It robbed me of my mind.

I’m afraid of falling into limerence again, honestly I don’t talk to any men and I don’t spend time on the internet chatting to people anymore.

I feel like I fully understand limerence. I’ve always had it. I first remember feeling “depressed and in love” at 8 years old. I was a lonely child with siblings, and two parents. My father was pretty abusive and my mum was ever so focused on him.

I’m so focused on my child and my hobbies now. I feel good in myself because I don’t feel like I’m hostage by limerence.

I’ve been taking an SSRI for a couple of months, as I am naturally anxious and have ocd tendencies. It’s worse when I’m in limerence as everything involves around losing weight for the man, looking pretty, etc etc changing myself for him.

I tend to experience limerence every few years for years and I get very down on myself, depressed, ocd, and want to change myself. My last time last year caused an eating disorder.

I can say now I am stable out of limerence and I am a normal weight, I dress how I want (not to impress), I don’t look to impress any man, I am not self conscious or looking for approval right now.

I have to remember how freeing it is when I’m out of limerence because when I’m in it and I’m depressed I can’t imagine my life will be good without my LO. But that’s a huge lie! Life is calmer without any limerence!!!


I really think medication is a great thing because if you’re like me you may have extreme ocd and anxious thoughts where the LO is all you think about to the point you can’t sleep.

I’m on 10mgbof lexapro, I’m thinking of going on one just to be on the safe side. However I get really bad hot flashes on it where my face and neck leak sweat and I feel over heated.

I will check in again.

Have a great night and take it easy guys!

Anon

[AMA210]

Thanks for the update!
I am at 5 years with progress and recovery continuing.

[Warped]

Congratulations!

I've only gone on No-Contact for a month now. I still have some limerent thoughts and ruminations. However, the vast majority of it is gone. And it's almost as if this long brain fog has lifted.

I think I've gained a few IQ points through it. It's easier to focus, do work, read, and enjoy life and the present moment. My limerence is still there. I still think about her often and it comes in waves. But the moments where I ruminate are becoming less intense, it occurs less frequently, and the duration each time is shortening. This leaves mental space for so much more for what life has to offer.

Looking back I know why I clung on to my LO and kept the LE going, as it gave me a nice dopamine hit, but I'm soooo glad I took the step to go NC. Life is so much better. I feel like joy is creeping into my life again and I'm looking forward to continuing to recover and have every day better than the last.

[AnonAustralia]

I feel good because my mind isn’t about him.

When I do think of him, and I still do, it’s not connected to emotion. But I think of him when I’m lonely or going through a stressful situation. We are right to agree that it’s really not about the LO but the dopamine and adrenaline that comes from thinking about them. It’s a drug.

I really think staying on an SSRI will help me cope the next time I go through this.

I’m glad that I know I’m not alone in being limerent, because it can feel so lonely and depressing. It does take hold of me. I know next time to seek out a counsellor who knows about limerence and make sure I don’t fall back into an eating disorder or wasting money on beauty products.

In my natural state (no limerence) I don’t care for the attention of men and I don’t want to impress them, they’re easy to talk to and I feel self-esteem. It’s just when I’m limerent it all goes downhill.

Thanks for the replies. Limerence is one hell of a thing and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through it at all.

[IvB]

Congratulations, that sounds really good! Yes, I too feel it's better to keep away from men rather than experience this again.

[DreamingBlue]

Does No Contact really put you on the path to recovery? I'm really happy that I'm no giving into temptation to reach out. But I want the ruminating to stop, and I want to desire my SO more.

[IvB]

As for me, the ruminating is slowly getting less with NC. Desiring SO is more difficult

[Warped]

Does No Contact really put you on the path to recovery? I'm really happy that I'm no giving into temptation to reach out. But I want the ruminating to stop, and I want to desire my SO more.

For me it has. What helps is that the ruminations become less intense and less frequent because there's no more fuel for it. I've gone over the same scenarios in my head and rehearsed the same pretend conversations that my brain no longer gets a rise from it.

Imagine watching the same TV episode over and over again. Eventually you get bored of it without any new content.

Each time I contacted my LO I would get new information and a dopamine hit. That's gone now. It's been a solid month. I miss her but I've hit a point where I've started to fill in the space she occupied in my mind.

If I never saw her again, and that's my plan, I can live with it and move on.

[David]

Limerence is little different to many other addictions when it comes to healing. If we can include sobriety as part of working our program, it makes it life a lot easier.

The difficulty in weaning ourselves off our LO's by going NC is telling us something - if it wasn't so difficult to go NC, then limerence wouldn't be harmful to us.

[AnonAustralia]

yes no contact is the treatment.

I would get a hit of dopamine just thinking of him reading my messages and not blocking me!

like David said, no contact is half the battle though, its honestly hard. its withdrawal