BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

Approaching a sensitive subject

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Post Reply
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

L-F wrote: Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:28 am And as always, your T will be the best person to go over things with.
OK, today I finally got to talk to another human LIVE(albeit, over the phone) about my situation. She is an LCSW, which is a Licensed Clinical Social worker, the closest I'm going to get to having a therapist with this health care provider. As expected she had not heard of Limerence, but proceeded nonetheless with a typical line of questioning(drugs or alcohol?suicide?domestic violence?)... I told her my story, she pointed out that I should make a concerted effort to re-connect with my wife, as our lifestyle has become divergent. Of course she is right, having a close relationship does fill up the heart with positive feelings, leaving no need to look elsewhere. That will be a challenge. It will also be a challenge for me to resist reaching out to my LO, as I heard today from a mutual friend that in fact LO's husband is basically terminal with his Mesothelioma, having perhaps 6 months to live.
My feelings and mind are ablaze, psych meds would be most welcome right now. Anyway, the LCSW set another phone / video appointment for several weeks from now. One day at a time...
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by virusbkk »

peter.rabbit wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:47 pm
L-F wrote: Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:28 am And as always, your T will be the best person to go over things with.
It will also be a challenge for me to resist reaching out to my LO, as I heard today from a mutual friend that in fact LO's husband is basically terminal with his Mesothelioma, having perhaps 6 months to live.
My feelings and mind are ablaze, psych meds would be most welcome right now. Anyway, the LCSW set another phone / video appointment for several weeks from now. One day at a time...
I imagine this puts you in a very difficult position.
You have to decide whether you want to "support" your LO through this undoubtedly, difficult time.
But it has to be for the right reasons - not self-serving or to satisfy your limerent cravings.

If you are unsure, best to leave it be for now - this is between LO and her husband.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

virusbkk wrote: Fri Jul 16, 2021 4:05 am
peter.rabbit wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:47 pm
L-F wrote: Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:28 am And as always, your T will be the best person to go over things with.
It will also be a challenge for me to resist reaching out to my LO, as I heard today from a mutual friend that in fact LO's husband is basically terminal with his Mesothelioma, having perhaps 6 months to live.
My feelings and mind are ablaze, psych meds would be most welcome right now. Anyway, the LCSW set another phone / video appointment for several weeks from now. One day at a time...
I imagine this puts you in a very difficult position.
You have to decide whether you want to "support" your LO through this undoubtedly, difficult time.
But it has to be for the right reasons - not self-serving or to satisfy your limerent cravings.

If you are unsure, best to leave it be for now - this is between LO and her husband.
Hmmm, guess I forgot to click "submit" as I replied yesterday... :-\

Anyway yes, it's now become even more difficult to curb these feelings and is requiring yet more effort to monitor my thoughts and actions. My friend/business partner who is finishing up her master's in clinical psychology has offered to guide me on some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets she has. I would so much like to share this LE with her, but she is friends with my LO, and I'm thinking it would not be advisable.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by Spadge100 »

CBT is certainly a good place to start. Try the areas that focus on intrusive thoughts, OCD and addiction for sure.

With regards to sharing that’s a tricky one. They sound like the ideal person to share with but it’s very difficult if they also know LO well. I found I had to distance myself from mutual friends also to remove myself from the drama game. I would find myself dwelling on the minutest of details they gave me and decided it was best just to remove myself completely from that but it sounds like that would be difficult to do in your circumstances.
Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by Idiotic »

I just have one question for you dude... Did Einstein really say that??
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

Idiotic wrote: Fri Jul 16, 2021 7:18 pm I just have one question for you dude... Did Einstein really say that??
Your guess is as good as mine, he's been dead since 1955!
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

Spadge100 wrote: Fri Jul 16, 2021 6:06 pm CBT is certainly a good place to start. Try the areas that focus on intrusive thoughts, OCD and addiction for sure.

With regards to sharing that’s a tricky one. They sound like the ideal person to share with but it’s very difficult if they also know LO well. I found I had to distance myself from mutual friends also to remove myself from the drama game. I would find myself dwelling on the minutest of details they gave me and decided it was best just to remove myself completely from that but it sounds like that would be difficult to do in your circumstances.
My business partner-friend and I walked & talked at the park this morning, I wanted to mention this LE as we were discussing "people topics", relationships, emotional & mental health matters...would have been easy to make mention of my Limerence. The voices in my head were chanting:
"what is said can not be un-said".
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by IvB »

I understand, sometimes I would so much like to tell this to someone. It was hard going through hell all alone. But I don't think I ever will. Or if so, it will be a complete stranger I suppose.
mycorona
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 7:16 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by mycorona »

IvB.
I see you have not subscribed and so I cannot PM you but I am wondering if you could give me a quick bit of advice as we seem to be about the same distance along on this long healing journey.
I saw LO today and I think I mentioned before that he feels his "come ons" are what is keeping me away. He figures that I don't want anything to do with him (Yes, he really is an idiotic LO, always getting the wrong end of the stick) and so tries hard to let me know there is nothing there for him anymore. Tries not to let me see him looking at me, checking me out, etc. I think he probably has managed to kill off most of his feelings at this stage. Problem is I have not. Today a good looking woman walked past our group having coffee and first he watched her and then turned to one of our friends, another guy standing beside me and told him to have a look at the woman. I'm sure this was another chance for him to let me know there's nothing between us. Of course, it cut me deeply. Very painful. I felt a surge of jealousy but tried to let it just touch me and flow right through me. I got over it and keep trying to tell myself that I can do it, i.e. be in his company when he speaks of other women and live with it. Otherwise, I cannot ever meet up with these friends again. I'm trying hard to adopt the tactic of "Can I let it go? Will I let it go? When will I let it go?

If you had a minute I'd appreciate your input thanks.

PR, really sorry for butting in on your Thread but I just wanted to talk to IvB, thanks for your understanding
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

peter.rabbit wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:47 pm It will also be a challenge for me to resist reaching out to my LO, as I heard today from a mutual friend that in fact LO's husband is basically terminal with his Mesothelioma, having perhaps 6 months to live.
My feelings and mind are ablaze, psych meds would be most welcome right now.
So this afternoon I decided to call her to let her know that I've heard the bad news...she did well, didn't get emotional(much to my relief), mentioned that he has an oncology appointment this Monday for discussion of therapy for shrinking the tumor. Also, a meeting with Pain Management. Basically hopeful news, so glad.
I'm glad to have had the courage to contact her, I know there will be those shaking their heads and thinking me foolish, that's OK, I feel that was a positive thing, I'd certainly do the same for each and every one of my friends.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 16 guests