BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

Approaching a sensitive subject

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Post Reply
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by L-F »

Thanks for your post Alice. I know Peter hasn't had time to respond, and given I'm a dog with a bone WITH EVERYTHING I DO, lol...
On a side note, and to anyone who cares to read: anyone calling a person 'a dog with a bone' is a compliment - it means they have the stickability (a great skill to add to your cv!). If anyone feels they have been insulted (in life), give it the flip! Turn the negative into a strength. It's called strength-based practice. It can be used on children or anyone with low self-esteem.

Right, back to my observation. Peter, I will apologise in advance if I come off sounding like a know-it-all or dismissive or whatever. I am going to cut to the chase here, so will more than likely be a little blunt. Sorry!

To add to Alice's post and my previous one, what I saw was you using the forum as a sounding board - great! Then you gave the situation some thought, then some more thought, etc, until you came up with the idea that LOs privacy was more important than your need to feed your ego. This is what I call GROWTH because it genuinely came from the heart and it was selfless. Which is how I concluded that this relationship has taught you something, and can keep teaching you. For a start, it tapped into your awareness of self and what it means to be selfless. Which in my opinion, is the ONLY way to break away from limcissistic (narcissistic) tendencies.

I know my opinion won't be popular, but... it's just one opinion in a pool of millions.

And, I'm also projecting because working thru limerence with LO was my ideal approach. Do I think its doable? If one is intent on fighting the urge to merge and constantly question their ego motives...
[there's a chance to rewire the brain?]

Whatever you choose to do, wishing you many healthy days!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

peter.rabbit wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 5:12 am @All, it's getting late here, and I'm tired...but I shall address the questions on the issues mentioned in your 5 responses, tomorrow afternoon. ;)
Lol, doing a single post containing quotes and replies is preferable, but just for the sake of ease, I'll quote and address each post separately. ;)

See the following....
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

L-F wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 6:42 pm
When you can spot your limerent intentions, it's easier to make a decision. Spotting one's intentions before acting out, and choosing our actions (words, etc) after becoming aware of our intention changes our karma.
Gaining a working understanding of Limerence has aided me in identifying my intentions as either Limerent or altruistic. I am an "over-thinker" by trade(literally), back in the working world(retired now) I always had my crystal ball plugged in and in use, as a condition of my employment. ;)

L-F wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 6:42 pm I hope you have a great therapy session and things get easier.
Thank you, Thursday I have a "pre-visit" video chat with a Kaiser Permanente LCSW, hope to at least get some ground work established.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

AMA210 wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 12:19 pm I think people in general are not good with being honest with themselves. Also I think that lime rents have a tendency to not accept the reality of the situation or of the LO. I would suggest writing out your intentions, but in doing this, be completely honest with yourself, including what you hope to gain from offering support to her.

Having access to the LO is of utmost importance and over-rides all logic at any given time.

Best to you.
I agree, the person who gets lied to the most is...the self. Limerence compounds that tendency, making the recognition of reality quite difficult.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

theorina38 wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 3:52 pm Start with the end in mind. What do you hope to achieve by contacting LO? What outcomes are you looking for?
Merely expressing compassion and support for someone whose spouse has been diagnosed with a grim, life ending disease.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

L-F wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:58 am ....Put it this way, you've married an LO before (which killed limerence, as it tends to) and now you're back. So essentially nothing ended. And if you go NC, limerence for your current LO may end, yet you may find yourself in the same situation with someone else, as you've found from past LOs.
I can tell you this- lessons were learned from the LE,PA,marriage,divorce associated with the previous LO. I don't quite understand what gave rise to this current LE, as the Limerence affliction did not start right away when I met her.
L-F wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:58 amSo... My question is, what are you avoiding/not learning? I'm tempted to suggest staying to find out. But it isn't the standard approach. Perhaps I'm coming from a spiritual angle? I don't know. Typically I'd suggest NC, yet, I feel, that if you concentrate on remaining mentally healthy, you may learn something by remaining friends??? I think its because I'm not picking up from you your strong desire to merge.

Has your limerent urges diminished Peter?
...a definite "yes", with some occasional flares. It's an evolving situation, I don't know what the end-game will be.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by peter.rabbit »

L-F wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 10:13 pm Thanks for your post Alice. I know Peter hasn't had time to respond, and given I'm a dog with a bone WITH EVERYTHING I DO, lol...
On a side note, and to anyone who cares to read: anyone calling a person 'a dog with a bone' is a compliment - it means they have the stickability (a great skill to add to your cv!). If anyone feels they have been insulted (in life), give it the flip! Turn the negative into a strength. It's called strength-based practice. It can be used on children or anyone with low self-esteem.

Right, back to my observation. Peter, I will apologise in advance if I come off sounding like a know-it-all or dismissive or whatever. I am going to cut to the chase here, so will more than likely be a little blunt. Sorry!

To add to Alice's post and my previous one, what I saw was you using the forum as a sounding board - great! Then you gave the situation some thought, then some more thought, etc, until you came up with the idea that LOs privacy was more important than your need to feed your ego. This is what I call GROWTH because it genuinely came from the heart and it was selfless. Which is how I concluded that this relationship has taught you something, and can keep teaching you. For a start, it tapped into your awareness of self and what it means to be selfless. Which in my opinion, is the ONLY way to break away from limcissistic (narcissistic) tendencies.

I know my opinion won't be popular, but... it's just one opinion in a pool of millions.

And, I'm also projecting because working thru limerence with LO was my ideal approach. Do I think its doable? If one is intent on fighting the urge to merge and constantly question their ego motives...
[there's a chance to rewire the brain?]


Whatever you choose to do, wishing you many healthy days!
I'll just say this- I learned to practice self awareness in psychology classes in collage after returning from Vietnam...I was such a mess, and I knew that nobody would be able to fix me...except for me. So I gained the "tools" for self repair. In school we used to have "encounter sessions", where we would bare our souls, get to know the other participants, offer observations on their 'story-of-life'. I attended some heavy-duty encounter sessions in Santa Monica at the Synanon drug rehab center...geesh that was intense.

Anyway, this LE is a work in-progress, I understand the reality on an intellectual level, conquering the emotional aspect hasn't been achieved yet(obviously).

Edit: I believe there is some significance in this LE, perhaps representing the unresolved feelings with my kids mom, with whom there has been no contact/a wall built by me...for many years. My LO bears some physical resemblance to kids mom, maybe some personality traits as well.

OK, there I go getting all Freudian again, time for me to go! :))
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by L-F »

peter.rabbit wrote: Wed Jul 14, 2021 12:08 am Anyway, this LE is a work in-progress, I understand the reality on an intellectual level, conquering the emotional aspect hasn't been achieved yet(obviously).
Boom! Think you cracked it.
Conquering emotions.
Check out Davids narcissistic thread bringing awareness to the fact that all limerents are.
I posted a thread about emotional maturity, and well, that ended up a shit-show! But, the point for posting it was that I observed my parents lacked emotional maturity, and I believe most if not all limerents lack it too.

It's interesting you bring up the unresolved issues with your kids mum.
Sounds like things are on a roll.
And as always, your T will be the best person to go over things with.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by L-F »

peter.rabbit wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 11:35 pm I don't quite understand what gave rise to this current LE, as the Limerence affliction did not start right away when I met her.
It took me a year of being seduced before I became limerent.

Can I be so bold as to ask what lessons you learned from previous LOs? If this is triggering, just ignore.
Im just curious to see if what you learnt can be applied to your current LO.

Well Peter, I'm hoping you nail this and you get to remain friends. I'm hoping things go well for your LO too given her current situation.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Struck613
Posts: 128
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:31 am

Re: Approaching a sensitive subject

Post by Struck613 »

For what it's worth, it took me a year into knowing my LO to become limerent too. What's weirder is the year I knew her when I wasn't limerent was 2019, and seeing as how we met by sitting next to each other at work, I saw her basically everyday that year. The year when I actually became limerent was early 2020, right around the start of Covid and me NOT seeing her everyday. Though we sat next to each other in the office, we didn't have much overlap from a work perspective so when we started working remotely I basically had no reason to ever talk to her day to day. And yet I still became limerent. Go figure.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 20 guests