Realising my SO also has an LO

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Spadge100
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Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
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Great Britain

Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by Spadge100 »

Hi all

For those who know my journey it’s been a tough one. Reconnected with old friend, developed an intense EA which eventually led to my hospitalisation and recovery following a diagnosis of bipolar.

It’s been a tough year for me and my SO, and unfortunately I found out today she too has been in a year long affair (two times PA) in exactly the same circumstances. Met with an old college friend.

It’s pretty devastating but I am determined to make it work or at least try and at least I know all of the neurochemicals at play. She has blocked all contact and the recovery begins now. She is open finally to counselling and we will see what the future brings.

Not the best news but at least I can empathasise and know pretty much everything about it!

Good luck all
IvB
Posts: 279
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by IvB »

Wow, Spadge, I am so sorry to hear that! Just when you started getting over your own limerence, this is not good news... Glad to hear though, that your SO realizes the situation and is ready to work on herself. You indeed understand best what is going on inside her now. Keeping my fingers crossed!
Spadge100
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:02 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by Spadge100 »

Thanks IvB, just when I thought I was getting the other side of it this comes along. I can understand how and why it happened but doesn’t stop the hurt and the knowing what it’s like on the other side.

But then I can also understand it’s going to be hard for her to let go. She has cut off contact and is going NC herself. I know the torment that brings with it at first.

Whether she is fully limerent I don’t know. I think there is a lot of relief that I finally know which I can understand. When I disclosed I too felt some relief at first.

I was just getting the other side of the depressive nature of limerence and the thoughts were under control. Today my thoughts kept turning back to LO, I guess as they still give me some comfort which then brings back my own guilt.

As they say limernefe is about you and something that isn’t right and I guess at least I have finally got to the bottom of what that is
AMA210
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Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by AMA210 »

Hi Spadge100,

I am really shocked to have read your update.
It must have been devastating to discover that about your SO.
The PA part of it is very hurtful to know about.

I don't want to be the one to say it here, but there seems to be a lot of turmoil that has been occurring within the primary relationship recently. It's a very difficult position to be in, no matter how one looks at it.

I think you may be the first person I have known since being on this forum to be both the LS and the SO of the LS.

Peace in the coming days.
:)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
L-F
Posts: 3686
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by L-F »

@AMA wasn't there another couple on here in the same situation?

Sorry to hear that Spadge. Do you think you could direct your wife here? She'll learn a lot and also gain support for her situation. I guess it's a good thing you are forced(?) to be honest with each other now? Limerence isn't about LO and all though it sounds like a painful situation to be in, you'll also be able to support each other through it.

Good luck to both of you.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
AMA210
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Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by AMA210 »

L-F wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2021 9:07 pm @AMA wasn't there another couple on here in the same situation?

Perhaps so and maybe more of a rebound limerence, but I think they met on here and started a relationship. I vaguely recall something like that. There aren't too many threads on rebound limerence, which I had been involved in twice...a wicked twist on "helping" each other get over the LO. :-s
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
L-F
Posts: 3686
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by L-F »

AMA210 wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2021 9:13 pm Perhaps so and maybe more of a rebound limerence, but I think they met on here and started a relationship. I vaguely recall something like that. There aren't too many threads on rebound limerence, which I had been involved in twice...a wicked twist on "helping" each other get over the LO. :-s
Oh wow! Never heard of them. I was thinking about another couple.
Now I'm intrigued. Hmmm who was that???

Yes, totally agree, have said all those years ago not to get involved on here if heterosexual and messaging the opposite sex because it's choppy water ahead having two limerents provide support. But then, have always been jumped on for being oh so wrong, lol.

Honestly, you only have to give it a little thought. Two wounded souls seeking validation from one another... Now what does that sound like? A recipe for disaster perhaps?

Only hyperboundaried LS can sail that water imo. I know of someone who wanted to fall limerent for another limerent on here as a means to support them out of limerence overall.

Just freakin don't go it!

F@ck the amount of times I try and point out common sense to limerents I get jumped on :))
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
L-F
Posts: 3686
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by L-F »

Oh yes! I do remember! I can even recall the names.

Won't mention them.

And she also came on here to have a go at him for ditching her in real life because they became a thing. She was/is a beautiful person. I fondly remember the banter her and I shared. Gosh, that was a couple of years ago.

There are others as well.... Lips are sealed
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by AMA210 »

I'm officially hijacking your thread, Spadge. Apologies.

I figured I can't be the only one with that experience, ok experiences. Reminds me of banging on different doors to see which one opens up. Unfortunately, doing this repeatedly offers some grand lessons. For me, it was always being in a third party situation. That was a really tough lesson that I repeated many times until I finally got into the next class, that being boundaries. ;)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
L-F
Posts: 3686
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Realising my SO also has an LO

Post by L-F »

Oh you were talking about you!? Yeah, you have had some weird stuff go on. I remember the third party thing. Didn't she put her 2 cents worth in on he forum because of you, him, her and tats? That was weird! Almost woo-woo weird lol. I hope you can laugh about it now.
The only weird thing I've had is someone send me their photo to rate them. Common! And they didn't give up until I rated them :))

Oh the happy weird memories this forum holds. We're all just a bunch of nuts
=))

Sorry Spadge. Got a few giggles reflecting on the good ol days.

Hoping you are able to move forward with your wife hand in hand.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
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