Rejected by lo

[timfmurph]

I was recently rejected by my lo. I should’ve realized I had been friend zoned. It should make the lines be easier but it doesn’t.

[Struck613]

I've been there Tim. I got friend zoned and rejected by my LO in January. You'd think the clarity would help, but it's only complicated things for me. I'd recommend going no contact or limiting contact as best you can. That's been the most effective solution for me so far.

[Terona]

I was recently rejected by my lo. I should’ve realized I had been friend zoned. It should make the lines be easier but it doesn’t.

I have done a lot of reflecting about a person I cared about a long time ago. If you truly care about that person, you will want them too be happy, even if that doesn't involve you in the picture. You should try to expose yourself too the thought of them being happy without you. Eventually it wont be that bad.


One thought that can be helpful is that, the best way to potentially be with this person, is to drop it. Drop trying to be with them that way, and accept their friendship. Pursuing will only push them way, but some day, things could change. By trying your best to be neutral on the situation, the more of a prospect you become. Think about it, the best way to reset is to return too the original state of your relationship before you developed feelings for the person, or before you asked them out (or they knew you liked them). I wont lie, it will likely be a while before such I thing would happen if it did, I cant tell you how long, could be months, could be years, could even, I'm sorry too say, be never. And you need to be prepared for that possibility, that is why this thought can not be your primary motivation, but can be used to "fight" the limerent thoughts and aspects of your relationship.


There is a second half too that you should do your best not respond to situations or thoughts that make you anxious. Part of the reason to do this can be exactly what I said above, if your anxious and weird (like I was) around your crush, it will be even more off-putting. Don't make the mistake I did by giving in. If something makes you anxious, try not too act on it.


Remember what I first said: if you truly care about that person, you will want them too be happy, even if that doesn't involve you in the picture, at least in a romantic way. It will take time, but if that person wants to be your friend/is offering you their friendship, even if you need to take some time apart, please don't repeat my mistake, accept that offer, know that it is not a "consolation prize", and learn to love them and be happy with the way they are willing to love you, and if you need the motivation, remember, that is the most "attractive" thing you can do.

[mycorona]

Very interesting post Terona.
I've often wondered if I can do just that - Can I just let it all go? I think I could if he could just relax about it too.

I'll think a lot about your post.
thanks for that.

[IvB]

Thank you, Terona, I agree completely with the thought that if you love someone, you let them go if they are happier without you. It's a consolation.

[peter.rabbit]

I was recently rejected by my lo. I should’ve realized I had been friend zoned. It should make the lines be easier but it doesn’t.

I'm thinking that was painful, as rejection always is. Is she open to being "just friends" do you think? In my case that would be acceptable, and is actually my goal, although I would be crushed if her rejection was total.

[Struck613]

Thank you, Terona, I agree completely with the thought that if you love someone, you let them go if they are happier without you. It's a consolation.

On the other hand, I'm using this logic to realize I don't "love" LO (love in quotes because I know I don't actually love her). I don't wish any ill upon her and am not actively hoping she's not happy, but I don't want her to be happy if she's not with me. I just want her to be with me. And now that I realize that, I can reason out that I just care about her to the extent that I'm limerent for her, and not because I truly care about her well-being. So if I don't really truly care about her, it should help burst my bubble that we would be perfect together.

[L-F]

I don't wish any ill upon her and am not actively hoping she's not happy, but I don't want her to be happy if she's not with me. I just want her to be with me. And now that I realize that, I can reason out that I just care about her to the extent that I'm limerent for her, and not because I truly care about her well-being. So if I don't really truly care about her, it should help burst my bubble that we would be perfect together.

True imo, limerents in general don't truly care or they wouldn't project themselves. Wouldn't subject LOs to our madness. And isn't it funny how we can think logically yet it still doesn't burst the bubble?

Have you considered externalising your concerns to observe them better? The 'I want' statements come from the ego. Probably won't burst the bubble yet is a strategy nonetheless. For me, it's easier to externalise a component or aspect of self that I don't like in order to observe it or look at it from a different perspective. Difficult to near impossible to analyze oneself in general, I believe. But if it's a 'thing' over there, it's easier to look at it objectively. Externalising a problem make the problem the problem, not the person the problem.

Ugh... I'm rambling. This might explain it better https://thriveworks.com/blog/externaliz ... e-therapy/

David would be the person to talk to about strategies that can help.

[L-F]

I was recently rejected by my lo. I should’ve realized I had been friend zoned. It should make the lines be easier but it doesn’t.

Sorry to hear that Tim! You are right, rejection doesn't make the lines clearer or the situation easier. Limerence is limerence *throws hands in the air*

Hoping you find strength and support here.

[IvB]

Wouldn't subject LOs to our madness.

I don't think all of us did. I never stalked my LO nor forced him to do anything he didn't want to, nor chased him. Maybe I tried to communicate more often than he would have liked but with supreme effort I believe I kept within decency. The suffering is mine. A small consolation at least...