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How long for effective results?

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limerain
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2021 11:32 pm
Gender:
Brazil

How long for effective results?

Post by limerain »

It’s weird.

I’ve been on this roller coaster for the better part of a year. It’s “salvation” came when reading about other people experiences, and that really did help. It’s not my much at the beginning, but I kinda felt a little less shame knowing this was happening to other people too. It doesn’t pulls you out of a very foggy like limbo, but it helps, somehow…

There came a point when an honest evaluation was that I could not recuse myself to interacting with the LO when she was present. However, with not much effort I found it plausible and more likely for me to accommodate was to plan my day beforehand to diminish encounters, and that really did help. After a whole month of “relative” NC I’ve finally started seeing some inkling of a response. It’s becoming less intrusive, my head feels a tiny bit more focused. Time delays before any noticeable daydreaming is longer… some sort of asinine progress I would assume.

I’ve had difficulty, however, resonating with other peoples report of pain and grief. Longing is more appropriate for the everlasting feeling of “missing out” on a potential “supposedly fantastic” partner. It’s somehow mixed with a very intense sense of urgency. There might be different states of this thing, and my lack pain might be that I still entertain the “uncertainty” in such a fashion that I might not really “collapsed the super-position” for the lack of a better analogy.

I’ve never had this before, at least not in this intensity. There’s definitely something to do with the uncertainty, I think since this component was missing beforehand, i wasn’t lit full blast during my teen years… it sure did a golden entrance and ignited like a very furious fire only when I was married and stable. Ain’t that a bitch…

I was wondering if there any amount of time usually required for this lunacy to wear off.

Is it bound to go completely out of hand again in perpetuity? I mean, will this level of progress produce long term results?

This is such a nuisance.
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: How long for effective results?

Post by David »

A common question with no easy answer.

From my own experience and many others, once we initiate NC, it can take a couple of years at least. In my own case it was 4 years of NC before LO would not occasionally pop up in my mind.

I do believe NC is essential. I was in LC for 4 years and while this reduced the ruminating it didn't stop the invasion of my mind
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Cathy44
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2021 3:42 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How long for effective results?

Post by Cathy44 »

I have tried going NC with my LO. We are friends. Both single. He didn't want to date me. His behavior toward me has not always been great but he hasn't exactly done anything wrong. He reaches out to me on holidays and still hangs around my social media. When I reach out he seems enthusiastic to talk to me, but if I don't reach out, he doesn't (except on holidays) so it was pretty easy to go LC. How do you tell someone that you can't have contact with them anymore? They will want to know why.
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