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So I had that coffee with LO

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Showme
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2021 5:24 am
Australia

So I had that coffee with LO

Post by Showme »

For those of you following my previous post.. Today I had coffee with my LO. When we saw each other we hugged, but he was dressed very casual so I assumed it wasn’t a date and platonic. He then brought up his wife multiple times during the coffee catch up but we sat around and chatted for 3 hours. I didn’t get many flirtatious vibes at all from him. I’m quite upset as I just wanted that feeling of reciprocation and I just didn’t get it. He hugged me when we left so that did leave me a little confused. I was looking my best and feeling so good about myself!

He’s turning 40 in a few days so I thought tomorrow I could give him a present seeing as we are “buddies”. Is this a bad idea and does it come off as desperate? Yes I totally am but I don’t want him thinking that lol
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
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Great Britain

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by David »

Showme wrote: Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:04 pm I could give him a present seeing as we are “buddies”. Is this a bad idea and does it come off as desperate?
Yes a Bad idea if you have limerence and I cant say if it comes off as desperate as im not him so so i dont know how he will read it
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by Zsababy »

My reaction about you're giving a gift is that the problem is how will that action affect *you*, not him. It will likely feed your hopes & limerance. You'll be expecting some kind of reaction from him and you won't get it, other than a friendly polite one. Then you'll feel crushed as well as embarrassed. You have more to lose than gain by giving him a gift
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by peter.rabbit »

Showme wrote: Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:04 pm I didn’t get many flirtatious vibes at all from him. I’m quite upset as I just wanted that feeling of reciprocation and I just didn’t get it.
I feel that he was doing you a favor by not keeping you titillated with that feeling of reciprocation. IMO he is trying to be responsible, but I do understand your disappointment.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by L-F »

peter.rabbit wrote: Wed Jan 12, 2022 8:58 pm
Showme wrote: Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:04 pm I didn’t get many flirtatious vibes at all from him. I’m quite upset as I just wanted that feeling of reciprocation and I just didn’t get it.
I feel that he was doing you a favor by not keeping you titillated with that feeling of reciprocation. IMO he is trying to be responsible, but I do understand your disappointment.
Interesting answer Peter. I'm a little confused here Showme, was he leading you on (sorry haven't read past posts), or was it purely limerence(?) where we think they are leading us on but incorrectly reading the situation?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by L-F »

David wrote: Tue Jan 11, 2022 4:15 pm
Showme wrote: Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:04 pm I could give him a present seeing as we are “buddies”. Is this a bad idea and does it come off as desperate?
Yes a Bad idea if you have limerence and I cant say if it comes off as desperate as im not him so so i dont know how he will read it
Right!
It's so tempting to presume their reaction/response and rationale.

I don't know if will come off as 'desperate' to him, however, I do have to ask, does it come off as desperate to you?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by virusbkk »

It seems you have already jumped into the abyss - so it's all about self-awareness from this point on-wards.
Only you can pull yourself out.

Good luck!
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: So I had that coffee with LO

Post by Zsababy »

In order to correctly address this & manage it, remind yourself that not only did he not give you flirtatious vibes, he mentioned his wife 3 times. He is basically reminding you multiple times that he's married. There's your answer right there. It's a "no"
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